The Art of Scandal(102)
“Right.” He hesitated and gripped it tighter. “I thought maybe you could use it.”
He pulled out a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle, and her eyes filled when she saw it. This was classic Nathan, doing something thoughtful in those barely visible ways that seeped through the cracks in her heart. It was how he’d always loved her.
“Fuck.” He put the whiskey down. “Okay. Please don’t cry.”
She bowed her head so he couldn’t see her face. “I’m sorry. This wasn’t what I wanted. I wasn’t trying to lure you here for this.” She gestured at her tears with disgust. “The exhibit is about working on forgiving myself and not being ashamed of who I am. I know that’s why I hurt you. And I have no right to ask you for a second chance, so I won’t, but I miss you.” Her eyes watered again, and she rubbed them hard, hoping to stop the flood. “I really miss you, so maybe we can start over. As actual friends this time? And I can work on earning back your trust.”
He looked down, like he was gathering courage to do something hard. She held herself still and prepared to be gutted. “Rachel, can I ask you something?”
She nodded.
“What were you going to say when we were dancing at the gala? Before we were interrupted?”
So much had happened since that night, that her mind blanked for a moment. And then she remembered how desperate she’d been to tell him everything. That he was right to walk away from her and deserved so much more than what she had offered. And that she had wanted to give him that. Love with no strings attached. But now it all stuck like glue inside her throat.
“Don’t you already know?”
Nathan gently opened her arms and pulled her closer, until she was pressed against his body. “I do,” he said, and brought his lips so close to hers that they were almost touching. “But I want to hear you say it.”
Her “I love you” was smothered by his kiss. He leaned back and touched her cheek, tracing her bottom lip with his thumb. “I don’t want to start over. Or be friends. I just want you.”
“I want you too,” she said, the words still tumbling out as he kissed her again. Slower. Savoring it, even as his heart hammered against her palm.
“Guess what?” he asked as his mouth moved lower to her neck.
“What?”
He nuzzled her and mumbled, “Today’s my birthday.”
“Oh, happy birthday,” she whispered as he trailed kisses up to her ear. “Can we celebrate? Is there anything special you want?”
Nathan cradled her face in both hands. “I have a very long list.”
He moved to kiss her again, but the door swung open. Faith yelped, and Rachel spun around to find her daughter staring pointedly at the floor.
“Mom, I am so, so sorry. Sorrier than you’ll ever know.”
“It’s okay,” Rachel said. She glanced at Nathan, who was red-faced with embarrassment. “Nathan, this is my daughter. Faith.”
He offered a stiff outstretched hand, realized how odd that was, and switched to a mildly less awkward wave. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”
“Same,” Faith said. “Mostly from my class group chat. You’re very popular with the pastry chefs. They spend all day airbrushing ombré frosting, so they probably overidentify with you or something.”
Nathan laughed. “Well, I’m just grateful it’s all about icing and not shit-talking my clothes.”
Faith gave him a half smile. “We’re taking Mom out to celebrate after. You’re welcome to come along.” She lifted her hand. “But please try to keep the PDA to a minimum. This is still the woman who used to reenact Blue’s Clues to help me fall asleep.”
He smiled. “I’d love to come.”
“So.” Faith clasped her hands and nodded at the door. “You two ready to face the world?”
Nathan looked at Rachel. “What do you think? Are we done hiding?”
Rachel wrapped her arms around him and said, “Yes,” so quickly, it made him laugh. Nathan kissed her temple and pulled her in closer. Faith opened the door, and the world rushed in: loud and bright, with dozens of phones aimed in their direction. But Rachel barely noticed the stir they caused by walking out together, so obviously a couple. Because she didn’t have to. Not anymore.
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I have a confession to make. I can’t tell you where the idea for this book came from. The first words of the first draft were written over a decade ago before I stopped writing to focus on my legal career and starting a family. For a while, I’d given up on my dream of publishing a novel someday. But then the pandemic happened. And we all realized just how much of our lives we’d been taking for granted. I stopped thinking of writing as something I’d return to “someday,” and combed through my old Dropbox files for unfinished stories I could use to remind myself how to write a book. So much of that journey of rediscovery spilled over into parts of Rachel and Nathan’s story. Like Rachel, I had to figure out how to balance being a wife and mother, with excavating an old passion. Nathan’s fan art was a way to honor the role fandom played in my writing journey and discovering my voice. So, while I can’t pinpoint the exact moment The Art of Scandal was formed, I can easily tell you what this story is about. This is a book about all the different shapes of love. It’s about how passion creates us, hurts us, and heals us, but also shows us who we really are.