The Art of Scandal(88)
“Do what?”
“How can you stand to be so close to someone you love, and not tell her.” He looked at Joe. “You don’t even mention Mia, and she lives ten minutes away.”
The champagne had slowed his brain, and the reality of what he’d implied hit him too late. Joe was too practical and honest to pine after one woman while married to someone else. Nathan was the piece of shit who always did the wrong thing.
“God.” Nathan rubbed hard at his eyes, trying to will himself sober. “I’m sorry. Please forget I said that.”
Joe blocked his view of the crowd and stared him down. “I know you love this woman, and it probably feels like you discovered that feeling—no one else could possibly have loved the way you do because if they had, nothing else would matter. But, Nate, being in love is selfish. It’s all about how good you feel, and what you want. Giving love is selfless. So no one cares if you want to say the words or not. What matters is whether that person needs to hear them.”
Nathan thought about his reaction to Rachel’s deal with Matt. He’d dismissed her reasons like a kid screaming, “So what,” over and over because he thought his love was more important. And now Joe was telling him the exact same thing she did: he may have heard her reasons, but he didn’t bother to listen.
“I wanted to take care of her.” It sounded so naive when he said it out loud. “I thought it was what she needed.” Nathan scanned the crowd, searching for a glimpse of gold. “But maybe it was what I needed. Sometimes I feel so goddamn useless.”
Joe grabbed his shoulder and squeezed. “You don’t have to prove yourself to the people who love you, Nate. Just let us do it.”
Nathan had been clinging to the hope of a someday that deep down he’d never believed would come. Someday he’d make Beto proud. Someday his mother would choose him over his father. Someday he and Joe could be just brothers instead of burdens to each other. But the man he imagined in all those somedays wasn’t really him. That’s what Joe had been trying to say. That the man he was, this man, the weird afterthought with blurry non-dragons and too many feelings, this was the man they were all supporting tonight. Because they loved him, and because he was enough.
Joe’s gaze drifted past his shoulder, and Nathan turned to see Rachel standing a few feet away. She extended a tentative hand.
“Will you dance with me?”
Nathan didn’t move. He looked at the dance floor, which was dotted with older couples, swaying to the last notes of the saxophonist’s solo. Rachel had to know they would attract attention. Her fingers curled back slightly, like she was losing her nerve. But then she met his eyes and whispered, “Please.”
The word cut through him, even after everything.
The band started playing again. He ignored her hand and reached for her waist instead, pulling her into his arms. A dozen eyes swung their way, but he wouldn’t allow himself to care. What if this was his last chance to hold her like this? After tonight there were no more excuses—no galas to force them into each other’s lives.
“I wasn’t sure you would come,” Rachel said. She slid both hands up to his shoulders. “I’m glad you did.”
He looked around. The sly looks had turned to staring and whispering. Her fingers grazed the nape of his neck. Nathan met her eyes again. “Where’s your husband?”
He was trying to shock her into realizing they were making a scene, but she didn’t blink. “I miss you, Nathan.”
His throat tightened and every messy, lovesick feeling he’d tried to ignore over the last three weeks flooded him at once. “Don’t. It doesn’t matter.”
“Yes, it does. It does.” She gripped him tighter. “Please listen—”
“I don’t even know why I’m here.” He shook his head. “To see you, that’s why. I’m a goddamn masochist. How many ways can you break my heart before I stop giving it to you?” He lowered his mouth to her ear and spoke in a harsh whisper. “I’d be inside you right now if you said you wanted me.” She tightened her hand on his neck. The buzzing chatter swirling around them was rising. He looked up and locked eyes with a short redhead who had stopped dancing to stare. “But they’re always watching,” he said, staring back. The woman blushed and looked away.
Rachel caught his gaze again. “So let them watch.”
“May I have your attention?”
Rachel felt Nathan’s arm slack around her waist as Hailey’s amplified voice pulled his attention to the stage. Rachel wanted to pull it back. She’d rehearsed this moment so many times. How she’d tell him that she was done with the Abbotts. That she was sorry for hurting him and that she’d do whatever it took to earn his forgiveness. She would give him space if he needed it. She could probably use it too, at least until her divorce was final. She had explanations and plans and timelines, but it all evaporated once he took her into his arms.
But she also knew that tonight wasn’t about her apologies. It was about Nathan and all the work he’d put into this moment. A moment that had inexplicably been hijacked by Matt’s communications director.
Rachel spun around, searching for Sofia. Nathan told her that his mother had left a while ago to call Beto. Hailey said, “Is this on?” and slapped her hand against the microphone. It made a muffled thumping sound, followed by a high-pitched squeal of feedback.