The Book Club Hotel(57)

Erica closed her eyes briefly. “Yes, we did. But—”

Oh, this was awful. Erica obviously never had any intention of having a conversation with her. She was running away.

“Don’t worry.” Hattie tried to rake together the last of her dignity. “Forget it. My mistake.”

Erica finally let go of the door. “You don’t understand.”

“Oh, I think I do.” Hattie’s hands were clenched into fists by her sides. “You came here to take a look at me, and you didn’t like what you saw.”

Erica frowned. “Hattie—”

“If you’ll excuse me, I have a full restaurant this evening and a couple checking in late so I should go.” She backed away and knocked into the wall behind her, emotion making her clumsy. “If there’s anything I can do to make your stay more comfortable for the one night you’re here, let me know.”

She was back to being an innkeeper, and not a sister. It should have been easy, because it wasn’t as if she had any experience in being a sister.

Without giving Erica the opportunity to speak again she almost sprinted back down the corridor. Her cheeks burned and she felt stupid. There was humiliation, and there was also hurt. Rejection always hurt and that had most certainly been a rejection. But there was a particular type of pain that came from acknowledging that her powerful urge to know her sister wasn’t returned. She felt bruised, as if someone had taken a hammer to her insides, and the intensity of her emotions made no sense. She’d lived without a sister for twenty-eight years, so why would she suddenly feel as if she’d lost something important? Essential. How could you lose something you’d never had? Was she really so emotionally starved that she needed a stranger in her life? No, she wasn’t. She had Delphi. She had Rufus. She had wonderful neighbors and friends in the town. She stopped herself from thinking she had Noah. She wasn’t sure what her relationship with Noah was, and she couldn’t even think about that right now.

Her mind in a spin, she headed down the stairs and back into the reception area, which she’d left barely minutes earlier so full of hope. And because she was thinking of her sister rather than looking where she was going she slammed straight into the man heading toward her office.

“Whoa—” Strong hands gripped her arms and steadied her.

And there he was. Right in front of her. Noah.

“I’m sorry—” She gasped out the words. “I was—”

“Distracted by the looks of it. Has something happened?” He kept his hands on her arms. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I’m being stupid.”

“I doubt that.” He urged her into the library. “Tell me.”

She had work to do. Guests to see. But she couldn’t resist the temptation to give herself just five minutes with Noah.

“You’re right, it wasn’t stupid.” She had no intention of beating herself up over what had been a logical decision. “All the signs were there, otherwise why come here? I can’t believe that was coincidence. How could it be a coincidence?”

Noah closed the door behind him. “If that question is for me then I’m going to need a little more background.”

Hattie barely heard him past the noise in her head. She paced across the room, rubbing her arms with her hands.

“Have you ever just risked everything because it’s so important to you that someone knows how you feel that you don’t even pause and then you hand over your heart and your feelings and wham—just like that they drop them and everything shatters and you ask yourself if it was really worth it, and whether you should have done things differently, but you know that if you had your time again you’d do exactly the same thing because how could you not? You had to know. And now I know.” She paused to take a breath and realized Noah was silent.

“What you’re saying,” he said slowly, “is that your feelings aren’t returned?”

“That’s right. And it hurts here—” she pressed a fist to her chest “—which makes no sense at all, and I keep telling myself I was fine before I said those words so I should be fine after, but it’s different because before you say them there is hope and possibilities and now there’s none.”

“And you’re brokenhearted.”

“Yes.” She felt the warmth from the fire burning the backs of her legs. “And now you probably do think I’m stupid.”

“There’s nothing stupid about falling in love, Hattie.” His voice sounded rough around the edges. “And you can’t always choose who you fall for. Is he a guest?”

“Who?”

“The man you’re in love with.”

“Man? I never said anything about—” She stopped as understanding dawned. “No. I’m not in love. Why would you think that?”

“Because you mentioned being honest about your feelings and being rejected.”

“Yes, but not a boyfriend. Not a man. A woman. My—” she paused, stunned that he’d think she was in love “—sister.” The word felt unfamiliar on her tongue.

“Sister?” It took him a moment to catch up. “The sister your father walked out on at birth?”

“That’s right. And when you put it like that, perhaps it’s not surprising that she didn’t run along the red carpet toward me. Erica. That’s her name, by the way.”