The Burnout(84)

“This hotel room is really manky,” I say, noticing a patch of damp.

“Thanks!” says Finn. “Let’s remember we agreed that my room was marginally better than the woodland creatures from hell.”

“That’s not my point,” I say, smiling. “My point is, this hotel room is really manky. I don’t have a job. I don’t know what’s in the future. But I’m happy. Right now. In this moment.”

“Here’s to that.” Finn kisses my head.

“What about you, burnout buddy?” I ask, so directly that he can’t avoid the subject. “What about your job? What about the anger and the sleep and the wanting to destroy vending machines? Where are you at?”

I also want to ask, Who called you a workaholic, self-centered, or a nightmare? Because I can believe the first one, but not the second two. But it seems tactless to mention it. I’ll leave it for now.

“Work in progress,” says Finn, after a pause.

“What about sleep? You slept last night. A bit, at least,” I add with a smile.

“I slept pretty good.” Finn kisses me. “Can’t think why.”

“When are you having your first therapy?”

“Oh, that,” says Finn. “I’m actually going up to London to see this therapist this evening. Just overnight. I’ll be back here tomorrow.”

“Wow.” I widen my eyes.

“She said we should have our first session in person. After that, we can Zoom or whatever.”

His mood seems to have plummeted. He’s deeply apprehensive, I can tell.

“She’ll only find good things, Finn,” I say, putting my hands either side of his face so he looks at me full-on. “You’re the kindest person I know. The wisest. The best.”

“You can’t know many people, then,” says Finn with a laugh. But I can see he’s relaxed a smidge, and I pull him in for a hug. I’m manifesting the best possible therapist for him. Not just any old random person, the best. You hear that, universe?

“Are you decent?” Cassidy’s voice comes through the door. “Are you at it? Carry on, don’t mind me, I won’t look, just pull the duvet over!”

“Come in!” calls Finn, and I giggle.

“You two!” Cassidy exclaims as she wheels in a trolley full of food. “Now, I’ve got your breakfasts and a little extra Buck’s fizz, compliments of the management, get you in the mood—not that you need it.…” She beams at me. “And I couldn’t resist …”

She hands me a champagne flute stuffed with some sort of shocking-pink silky fabric. Taken aback, I pull it out and unfurl a thong. It’s trimmed with black lace and has Loved Up embroidered on it in turquoise.

“Cassidy.” My eyes fill with silly, sentimental tears. “I love it. Thank you!”

“Aww.” Cassidy tilts her head on one side and surveys us fondly. “We’re all so thrilled for you! You didn’t even want to be on the beach together! And Simon said he never thought you would, because—” She stops, as though realizing she’s about to cross a line. “But I always thought you would. I said, ‘Look at them!’ And now look at you! Well, enjoy!”

As the door closes behind her, I catch Finn’s eye.

“Look at us,” I say, copying Cassidy’s inflection.

“Look at us,” he echoes, smiling.

“Still wish I had the beach to myself, though,” I say teasingly.

“I hear you.” He nods. “And just so you know, I have dibs on the rock today.”

“In your dreams!” I shoot back. “You snooze, you lose.”

I watch as he gets out of bed and starts investigating the breakfast trolley, idly observing the movement of his back muscles and wishing my hands were on them.

“They forgot your eggs,” he says, turning round. “But you could have a croissant, some melon, and a random slice of black pudding?”

“Bliss,” I say. And I mean it.





Twenty-One



It’s midmorning when I emerge from Finn’s room, wrapped in a towel and sated in every possible way. My clothes are all in my room, so I saunter there to get dressed, then stroll down to meet Finn in the lobby. As I descend the stairs, he greets me with a wink and a you and me smile that brings back every exquisite moment of last night. Not to mention this morning.

“Shall we see if the sand fairy sent us a message?” he says, and I laugh, a bit nervously.

Last night, on impulse, we went out to the beach in the dark, lay on the sand for a bit, and talked nonsense about the stars. Then, just as we were about to retreat inside out of the cold air, I said, “Wait!” and found a stick. I gouged out THE COUPLE ON THE BEACH in letters in the sand, then drew a love heart around it. It was so dark, I’m not sure Finn realized what I was doing.

Now I feel embarrassed at having drawn a love heart. An actual love heart. I mean, Finn won’t think … ? Oh God. Maybe I can scrub it out with my foot.

But as we near the beach, I realize I’m too late. There’s a woman I don’t recognize on the beach, and she’s staring down at the sand.

“Look,” I say to Finn. “Someone’s on our beach.”