The Good Part(73)

I watch as Felix pulls the logbook from his backpack and tucks it into his trouser pocket, shooting me the look of someone who thinks they’ve got away with something.

‘There’s food on the table,’ Sam tells him, and Felix heads through to the kitchen.

I nod after him. ‘He’s a great kid, isn’t he?’

‘He is,’ says Sam. ‘They both are.’

And then I notice Amy, her eyes wide as pools, crawling towards my leg. She’s not crying or biting or smelly, and even though she has a bit of purée on her top, I don’t mind picking her up and letting her nuzzle into my neck. I feel a warm hum of pleasure at being loved by this small creature. She doesn’t care that I’m failing at work, that I embarrassed myself at the returns desk in Selfridges, or that I just got a fine for jumping on a train seat. She just loves me because I’m her mother, or at least someone who looks and smells a lot like her.

When Felix is out of earshot Sam asks me, ‘You didn’t find this portal back to another world then I take it?’ His face is a picture of sceptical amusement.

‘Surprisingly, no.’ I say, putting Amy down and watching her crawl off towards the kitchen.

‘Good. I think I’d miss you if you disappeared into another dimension.’

We stand opposite each other in the hall, and I can’t quite meet his eyes. He’s looking at me so intently, but I don’t know how to be around Sam now. He was so tender towards me last night, saying all the right things, but it doesn’t change the facts.

‘Do you want the good news or the bad news about what’s been happening here,’ Sam asks, watching me with smiling eyes.

‘Both,’ I say, clasping my hands behind my back, trying to be normal.

‘Well, the bad news is, Amy chewed your favourite pair of shoes.’

‘And the good news?’

‘You probably don’t remember which your favourite pair is. They might not be your favourites any more.’

‘Ha ha,’ I say, pushing a hand against his shoulder. He catches it and pulls me into a hug. It feels so normal. I want him to kiss me again, like he did last night. I want him to be Sam from date night, where we get to start at the beginning, not halfway through. I want a real second date.

A beam of sunlight shines through the glass on the front door, blinding us both for a moment.

‘Let’s go out,’ I say suddenly.

‘Out?’ Sam asks. ‘You’ve only just got in.’

‘It’s such a beautiful evening. I saw bluebells in the park when we drove past. They never last long, if we don’t see them now, we might miss them. Let’s go – family outing.’

Sam looks torn. ‘That’s a nice idea, but the kitchen’s a mess, Amy’s tired, I need to get her bedding out of the dryer before—’

‘Sam. Twenty minutes. Come on.’ I do a little dance, jigging my thumbs from side to side.

His eyes crinkle in a genuine smile. It feels like a triumph. ‘Kids, eat up, Mummy says we’re going on a family outing.’



At the park, I push Amy in her buggy while Felix shows me his attempt at a wheelie (which isn’t a wheelie at all, but Sam and I cheer him on as though he’s done something worthy of Cirque du Soleil). In one corner of the park, the grass has been left to grow wild, a haven for bees. A carpet of bluebells spreads out beneath a copse of trees. The evening sun shines through the branches, dappled light landing on the bluebells’ stems which tilt and sway in the gentle breeze. The sweet floral smell transports me to childhood picnics, picking wildflowers for Mum’s kitchen table, driving miles to walk in Dad’s favourite wood, because the bluebells only bloom for a few short weeks.

Sam gets Amy out and lifts her onto his shoulders, making her squeal in delight as he spins her around and around. Felix yells ‘Me! Me!’, so Sam puts Amy back in her buggy, then starts to spin Felix, who screams, ‘Faster, faster!’

When Sam finally puts him down, bent double and out of breath, Felix cries, ‘Again, again.’

‘It looks like your father’s getting too old to do that,’ I say, with a sly smile. ‘Look, poor thing’s exhausted.’

‘Is that your way of saying you want a go?’ Sam asks, cocking an eyebrow at me.

‘No.’ I grin, but then he starts towards me at a pace, and I turn to run, laughing as Sam chases me across the park. He’s too fast for me, and soon wraps me in a bear hug before we both tumble to the ground.

‘Who’s too old?’ he asks, lying on top of me, pinning my hands above my head.

‘Not you, not you,’ I say, laughing, wriggling beneath him. He stops wrestling with me, looks down into my eyes and I’m suddenly aware of every point where his body is pressed into mine, the glint of intent in his eyes, the effortless way he is pinning my arms with just one hand. ‘Hmm.’ Did I just moan? Oh jeez, we’re in public, the kids are right there. He bites his lip, amused, then releases my arms. I think he might have noticed the moan.

‘This was a great idea, Luce,’ he says, his voice thick with warmth. ‘I’m glad you suggested it.’ Before he’s done speaking, Felix catches up with us and launches himself onto Sam, crying, ‘Family pile!’ I feel myself blush as I quickly try to dispel the un-PG visuals of Sam and me rolling naked through the bluebells that’s just pushed its way into my mind.