The Neighbor Favor(92)
Keeping this secret is holding you back. I think you should tell them.
Lily’s voice popped into his head then. He hated how they’d left things after their phone call the other night. They’d spoken to each other a few times since, but something was off, and it made him feel off. He didn’t like feeling disconnected from her. Neither of them brought it up, but M&M’s party tomorrow night, and Nick’s refusal to go, was an elephant in the room.
Nick knew that everything Lily said had been right. He was afraid. He was fucking terrified to finally grasp on to the things that he wanted. He’d always thought it would be safer if he managed his expectations. But how could he live a full life that way? He’d thought he’d stopped running from his life by choosing to stay in New York, but really, he’d just been running in place.
The other night, Lily couldn’t understand where Nick had been coming from because when she looked at him, she didn’t think in terms of limitations. She was always thinking the best of him. His own self-perception wasn’t so positive yet, but he could work to improve it. He wanted to be better for Lily. He wanted to be better for himself. He couldn’t let this shit hold him back anymore.
“Mom,” he said, swallowing thickly. He waited until she turned away from the shelf of condiments and gave him her full attention. “I wrote a book. I—the book was sold to a publisher, and that’s how I make a living. I’m an author.”
She looked at him for a moment. “Does that explain all of this?” she asked, gesturing at the nearly overflowing cart.
He nodded. “I didn’t want to tell you or Dad, because I was nervous about what Dad would do once he found out about my new life. I thought he’d find a way to ruin everything.” He breathed deeply and added, “And I was unwilling to accept that something good had happened to me.”
Teresa eyed him closely, taking in what he’d just told her.
“You were always writing in those notebooks of yours every chance you got,” she said. “I remember you loved those Ring Lord books.”
Nick smiled. “Lord of the Rings.”
“Yeah, those.” She took over pushing the cart, and Nick walked beside her. “So, are you going to tell me what your book’s about?”
“Oh yeah, sure,” Nick said, surprised that she wanted to know. He told her the name of his book and his pen name. Her eyes glazed over when he attempted to explain the plot, but he didn’t hold it against her. High fantasy wasn’t everyone’s forte. But she looked at him with renewed interest when he mentioned the television show adaptation.
“When can I watch it?” she asked.
“Not for a while. Years probably.”
“Well, when can I buy a copy of the book?”
“In a couple weeks,” he said. “I’ll send you one.”
“Good.”
She didn’t say anything else as she steered the cart toward the checkout. Nick’s heart rate slowly returned to a normal pace. It was over. He’d told her. He’d built this moment up for so long in his head, and in the end, it had been so much easier than he’d thought it would be. There was still the matter of Albert and how he’d react to the news, but half the battle had been fought.
At the register, the cashier, a young girl with two nose rings and box braids, placed a thick paperback book aside in order to ring them up.
“You like to read?” Teresa asked the cashier, who nodded. “My son’s an author.” Teresa nudged Nick. “Go on. Tell her about your book.”
Nick paused in the act of swiping his credit card and glanced at his mom. Then he looked at the cashier, who stared back at him expectantly.
“Oh, uh, okay.” Nick proceeded to struggle through an elevator pitch that he’d definitely need to improve at a later date. But when he was finished, the cashier simply nodded again.
“Cool,” she said. “I’ll buy it.”
Teresa was smiling softly as they loaded the groceries into Nick’s rental car. He didn’t know if his mom would ever flat-out say that she was proud of him. That wasn’t exactly her way. But her smile let Nick know how she felt.
They dropped off her groceries, then Nick drove Teresa to the nursing home for her evening shift. She thanked Nick for the ride and opened her door. Then she seemed to rethink her decision and closed the door just as quickly.
“I met your dad when I had no one,” she said, turning to him. “He was the first person who really cared about me. When I found out I was pregnant with you, my priority was keeping my family together. I didn’t want you to feel the way I’d felt as a child. I wanted you to grow up with both of your parents. That’s why I always did everything I could to bring your father back home whenever he left. I wanted you to have stability. It took me a long time to realize that my behavior was the opposite of stable.”
Nick leaned back in his seat, his hands at ten and two on the steering wheel. He was shocked that his mother, who’d always been so stoic, was sharing these things with him.
“Given the way that your father and I were, it makes sense that you’d want to stay away,” she continued. “I wasn’t there for you when I should have been, and I’m sorry. But people can change. I’m trying to, at least.”
There was a part of Nick that was hesitant to trust Teresa’s earnestness. She could be saying this now only because Nick had helped her so much or because Albert wasn’t there to keep her attention. Trusting Teresa didn’t come naturally to him.