The Roommate Pact(74)
She was miserable.
But continuing on the path she and Graham were headed down could foster a whole different kind of misery. One she’d lived through and never wanted to experience again.
A tiny voice in the back of her mind hinted it was too late. Relationship or not, Graham was the most important person in her life and she was already invested in his well-being and happiness.
“I don’t know,” Claire admitted, tucking her legs up against her chest. “I think so?”
Reagan cocked a single eyebrow.
Claire groaned. “Why couldn’t I have just met another guy sooner? I joined a dating app and everything. Maybe if I’d found someone nice this never would have happened.”
“You’d rather the last few weeks with Graham never happened?”
Damn Reagan and her shrewd questions. She was as bad as Mia.
“No.” She’d always remember them. “Sure would have made things easier, though.”
Reagan stretched her legs out and leaned forward to grab her toes. “A dating app, huh? Which one?”
“TrueChemistry.”
“Didn’t find anyone worth meeting?”
“There was one, but it was a disaster. And there was a dentist that looked promising, but I never sent him a message.”
“Why not?”
Claire shrugged. “We matched right before Graham and I went to visit his parents. I told myself I’d do it after we got back, but I didn’t. I let myself fall into my feelings with Graham, knowing it was a terrible idea. Seriously, I’m so messed up.”
“You fell for someone you promised yourself you wouldn’t fall for. This is the kind of stuff TV shows live for.”
“It’s like a daytime soap opera up in here,” Claire said, pointing to her heart.
Reagan shuddered. “Ugh. I always hated those.”
“Me, too. Now I know why.”
After a few seconds of silence, Reagan said, “Why don’t you message the dentist and just see what happens? It might help to take your mind off Graham for a little while, and maybe this new guy is exactly what you’ve been looking for.”
“Or he could be a total weirdo.”
“In that case, maybe you double back and reconsider your stance about Graham.”
That rubbed Claire the wrong way. “I don’t expect him to sit around and wait while I go out with other men.”
“Who says he’s waiting for you?” Reagan’s tone wasn’t harsh, but her words were still like a punch in the gut. “That doesn’t seem like him.”
Reagan was right: it wasn’t like the old Graham. But hadn’t he changed over these last few weeks? The emails seemed to suggest so, but what did Claire know?
“I’m not suggesting you go out with this guy to spite Graham, or even to compare them. Just a few weeks ago you were interested in meeting new people, so why not see it through with someone you’re supposedly compatible with? It might help clear things up for you. Help you figure out what you really want, you know?”
Claire looked down at her hands. “Maybe you’re right.”
“Of course I am.” Reagan stood and put her hands on her hips. “You know what else will clear your head? Alcohol.”
“I don’t think that’s how that works.”
Reagan laughed. “But it will temporarily make you feel better while simultaneously guaranteeing you’ll feel like shit tomorrow.”
“That’s more like it.”
“I say we go out and try to have a little fun.”
Claire scrunched her nose and glanced down at the comfortable clothes she wore. “I don’t know...”
“I was thinking we could go to that tapas bar. Have chips and salsa with margaritas?”
“You had to say chips, didn’t you?”
“What can I say? I know my roommate.”
“Okay, I’m in.”
Reagan clapped and danced out of the room, calling over her shoulder, “Be ready in ten!”
Claire released a heavy sigh and didn’t move. Her eye caught on her phone charging on the bedside table.
She grabbed it and opened the TrueChemistry app and found Matt was still active in her recent matches.
She selected his name, opened a new message, and started to type.
26
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: Do I hate you?
Claire,
How are you? Not gonna lie, I’ve been picturing you at least a little bit miserable. Maybe like, 25% miserable, 75% okay. Does that make me a jerk?
I’m more like 60/40 if that makes a difference, and I’d quickly shift to 80/20 if I thought you were out dancing and having fun every night and not thinking of me. Some of that’s the anger talking, but mostly it’s hurt. (Also, can we pause here and just acknowledge the things I’m saying right now? Apparently the emotion floodgates are open because I’ve just admitted to being miserable, angry, and hurt in the span of two paragraphs, something I haven’t done in more than two decades.)
For what it’s worth, I understand your choice. It doesn’t make it suck any less, because I don’t see myself coming back from this. Will I date other women? Sure, but the same way I dated women before I kissed you. I’ll never come close to giving another woman my heart.