The Second Chance Year(9)

I flush at the memory but play it off as indignation over his comments about my outfit. “None of your beeswax,” I say, showing off my maturity where my brother is concerned. “What are you doing here?”

Owen takes a swig of his beer. “I’m dragging Jacob out of his music studio to meet some people from AstRoBot for a drink at Blackbird.” When Owen graduated from MIT, he was still a computer nerd. But then he got a job at a robotics start-up fueled by a gazillion dollars in venture capital, and suddenly he started wearing two-hundred-dollar hoodies, classic Vans, and beanie hats even in summer. Now, he hangs out in bars that serve cocktails made of charred persimmon and pickle juice, and where Pabst Blue Ribbon costs fifteen dollars a can.

I’m a little surprised that Jacob made late-night plans to go out for drinks with Owen’s tech-bro friends. But if this night taught me anything, it’s that I really don’t know Jacob at all. Maybe I never did, and maybe… it wouldn’t be the worst thing if I got to know him a little better.

Owen stands up. “I gotta go break the seal.” He heads down the hall for the bathroom, leaving me alone with Jacob.

I jump up off the couch and turn to face him. “So…”

“Sadie…” He stands too, only inches away, and I have to tilt my head back to look at him. I’m painfully aware of how his T-shirt stretches across his chest, his long eyelashes cast shadows across his cheeks in the dim light, his lips are slightly swollen from kissing me.

I open my mouth to tell him that the past hour was the most fun I’ve had this year. That I actually feel something like my old self again. And to ask him if… maybe… he wants to hang out tomorrow. No pressure, just lunch, or a walk in the park or something…

But before I can say a word, he blurts out, “Sadie, I want to apologize.”

“Wait.” I stumble backward. “What?” Apologize?

He runs a hand through his hair, and the words come spilling out. “I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. I mean, you came in here looking so sad, and I—Well. I—” He shakes his head, cursing under his breath. “I’m so sorry.”

“You’re sorry for—kissing me?”

“Yes, for…” He waves a hand at the couch. For all of it.

And then it dawns on me with complete clarity. He’s not interested in me, and why would he be? I’m the sad girl in her bathrobe on his couch, eating cereal straight from the box and crying over episodes of Queer Eye. Jacob felt sorry for me, that’s why this happened. Tonight was nothing but a pity kiss for Owen’s pathetic sister.

My heart constricts in horror. What if I’d actually said that stuff about hanging out tomorrow? What if he turned around and told Owen? My brother would literally laugh so hard he’d pass out and need medical attention, and I’d have to move to a yurt in the desert for the rest of my life.

I press my hands to my cheeks. “Oh my God.”

Jacob runs a hand through his hair. “I made a move on you when you were vulnerable.”

Well, if I didn’t feel pathetic before, boy, do I now.

“Sadie,” he continues. “I’m really—”

“Stop saying you’re sorry.” I turn away because if I have to look at the mouth that was just pressed against mine telling me how deeply he regrets it, I might haul off and smack him.

“I understand if you don’t want to forgive me right now.”

“You want me to forgive you for kissing me.”

“I—” He nods. “Yeah, I guess so.”

God, I am such an idiot.

“Maybe we can pretend it never happened?” He shoves his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “It doesn’t have to be weird, right?”

I push a lock of hair out of my face and come out with a palmful of red powder. This is the worst night of my entire life. And the real kicker is that Jacob is right. What was I thinking, making out with my brother’s best friend—the owner of the apartment where I’m currently living because I’m homeless and underemployed—and thinking it could turn into anything less than a disaster? Could I possibly sabotage my life any further?

I stand up straight, determined to walk out of here with whatever teeny-tiny shred of dignity I have left. And then to wake up tomorrow and get my shit together. Maybe it really is time to look at those stupid college brochures my parents sent me. I mean, I’m running out of options here.

I glance up at Jacob and force myself to shrug. “Pretend what never happened?”

Relief flashes across his face. “We’re good, right?”

“Yep!” I say, my voice like rainbow sprinkles. “Of course. Absolutely!” He looks at me sideways, and maybe I’m laying it on a bit thick. Suddenly, I am exhausted. “Have a good night, Jacob.”

I head down the hall to do what I should have done hours ago. Climb into bed and pull the covers over my head.





Chapter 5


January


Because I’ve always been a glutton for punishment, I wake up with Jacob on my mind. If such a thing is possible, I am even more humiliated than I was last night. Here I was thinking he was lonely and wanted my company. Thinking we had a connection.

But no. The poor guy was just waiting for his night to start, and I showed up, pathetically covered in pixie dust and blabbering about my parental issues. He probably kissed me just to get me to stop talking.