The Shippers(85)

“Guess I missed that memo.”

“Did you tell Mom? That you were there—that you hadn’t forgotten?”

“You know, I’m not sure. The whole house was in chaos by the time I got back—and then you got so sick.”

“You didn’t tell her.”

“I didn’t not tell her. Not on purpose. We were just—a little busy.”

“Dad!” I said. “She’s been mad at you about that for two decades.”

“She has?”

“We all have! We developed a whole theory around it—that you abandoning me that day is the seed of all my intimacy issues.”

My dad looked affronted. “But I didn’t abandon you.”

“Well—it would have been nice if you’d mentioned that to literally anybody.”

My dad was taking it all in. “Do you have intimacy issues?”

I burst out with a “Ha!” Then I added, “I faked a faint to get out of my own wedding … so. Yeah. Pretty sure I do.”

“I never liked that guy.”

I nodded, like Good call. Then my dad and I just looked at each other for a minute, taking it all in. How could we all have had it so wrong all this time?

“Dad,” I said after a while. “You have to tell Mom that you came to school that day, okay? She really needs to know that about you.”

“Okay,” he said solemnly. Then he reached out and squeezed my hand. “I’ll tell Mom that about me if you’ll tell Cooper something about you.”

“Tell Cooper what about me?”

My dad made his voice very gentle, like he might be giving me news I hadn’t heard. “That he’s the one who has your key.”

“He does?”

My dad nodded. “Even I can see that.”

My eyes filled up again. “You can?”

“And I’ll bet you something else, sweetheart.”

“What?”

“You’ve got his, too.”





Twenty-Eight


THAT NIGHT, ALONE in Cooper’s cabin, I couldn’t sleep.

As hard as it had been to fall asleep with Cooper in the bed, it was a hundred times harder without him. The room was too quiet. The pillow was too lumpy. People in the hallway were too raucous. The moon was too bright. Also—was I itching?

He’d left. He’d really left. He’d kissed me like that, and ruined my life … and then just left.

And then I’d asked him for help—in a real moment when I actually thought I was going to truly die, or get mauled by Pork Pie, which, arguably, would’ve been worse than death—and Cooper never showed up.

It’s one thing to be mad. It’s quite another to abandon your dearest friend in her moment of darkest need.

Anyway, that was it, I decided.

Keys or no keys—if he was done, I was done, too.

Cooper wasn’t the only person in this friendship who could quit!

“I quit!” I declared out loud over and over before thrashing my legs out from under the covers because I was too hot—and then shoving them back under when I got too cold.

As I shuffled through all my regrets, one in particular just kept coming back. I should have asked Cooper about why he went to London after college without telling me. I’d wanted to ask him for so long, and now I’d missed my chance.

But it was too late now. Who cared?

He was done, and I was done even harder.

Or, at least, I was trying to be.



* * *



NIGHT WAS BAD, but day was even worse.

We had two at-sea days as we crossed the Gulf to our final stop in Cozumel.

Two at-sea days where every person I ran into could not fathom the sight of me without Cooper. “Where’s Cooper?” the whole boat asked—endlessly.

“He missed the boat,” I said, letting people reach their own conclusion about whether he’d wanted to or not.

“Oh, that’s too bad,” Mrs. Vargas said.

“It really is.”

“Seriously, though,” she prodded. “How did that happen?”

“I don’t know,” I said. “Traffic? Work call? Flat tire?”

“I mean,” Mrs. Vargas went on, “the rules are just so clear. They really will leave you behind!”

“Guess he knows that now.”

Grandma Dodie remained convinced that Cooper would find a way back to the boat, and I didn’t have the heart to set her straight.

I don’t know how many of these conversations I’d had by the time Ashley asked me. Infinity?

“Are you okay?” she said, steering me away.

“Not really,” I said.

She patted me on the shoulder. “You lost your wingman.”

I shrugged. “It’s okay. Operation Conquest is over.”

“Wait—it is?”

She’d really missed everything, hadn’t she? “Yeah. Terminated.”

Ashley put her hand over her mouth. “Did Finn reject you?”

I straightened my shoulders. “I rejected him, actually.”

Ashley frowned, like that idea was really doubtful.

“Is that so hard to believe?” I said, my throat feeling tight.