The Tainted Cup (Shadow of the Leviathan, #1)(124)

“And then,” I said, “I had to go and do something gallant and stupid anyway.”

“Yes. It shall take work to keep you alive, boy. A pity we might perish today, for you are an honorable officer, Dinios Kol. It would have been a fine thing, to rely on you further in my works. We could have done many great things together.”

A rumbling in the east. The crackle of bombard fire.

A thought occurred to me. One I did not much like, but one I felt I had to obey.

I swallowed. “W-would you say, ma’am,” I said softly, “that now would be the hour for honesty and confessions?”

“I…suppose?” she said. “What makes you say that?”

I was silent.

“Do you have something to confess, Din?” she asked.

“Yes, ma’am. I do.”

“And what might that be?”

I swallowed again. “I confess I…I am no honorable officer, ma’am.”

“How do you mean?”

I shut my eyes. “I should not be your assistant. For I…I did not achieve my scores on my Iudex exams honestly, ma’am. My scores were fraud.”

Ana said nothing. The bombards crackled on.

“I had failed every other Iyalet application,” I said. “I have great trouble reading and writing. And the position with you was the only one I could hope for. So I…I learned how to pick locks, ma’am. That was why I learned such a thing. I learned it to break into the Apoth’s offices at night. I stole copies of the Iudex exams. All of them, for I didn’t know which one I would be given. Once I had the chance to read them the…the way I do my reading, I saw that I knew the answers, but I had to practice writing them. So…I spent three days memorizing how to draw the letters. How to put the sentences together. Remembering the movements. That was how I made such high scores, ma’am. My trainer knew and beat me for it. And I deserved it. And I have felt like a trespasser here every day, because…because I am a trespasser. I am no honorable officer, ma’am. And I am sorry for deceiving you. If we survive the day, I shall accept what punishments you choose. For I tire of hiding my nature from you. I have no appetite for this sin.”

I opened my eyes. Ana was staring at me, her blindfolded expression torn between exasperation and bemusement.

“Well, now I do wonder if you should be my assistant,” she snapped. “But not for your dishonesty, Din. Rather, because you apparently think me a fucking idiot!”

I stared. “I…I beg your par—”

“Ridiculous boy!” she cried. “Absurd child! Do you really not understand that I knew you cheated? That I’ve known all this time?”

“You…What? Truly?”

“Din!” she said, incensed. “Is it not safe to say that you have just witnessed me formulating answers to some very complex problems? Ones far more complicated than the mystifying puzzle of ‘How did this young man who was so shit at his exams suddenly score so well?’ I mean, titan’s taint! The only reason they didn’t investigate further was that I selected you and told them to forget it!”

My mouth fell open. “So…wait. You did not choose me for my scores, ma’am?”

“God, no!” she cried. “Is it not obvious? I chose you because you cheated, Dinios Kol! I didn’t quite know how you did it, no—not until you revealed your lockpicking skills. Then it was quite painfully obvious.”

“You selected me for my dishonesty, ma’am?” I said, offended.

“No!” she said. Then: “Well, yes. Somewhat.”

“What do you mean?” I demanded.

She thought about it. The guns crackled on.

“I chose you,” she said finally, “because I needed an investigator who was resourceful, cunning, and willing to break the rules when necessary. I needed someone dedicated and determined! And you had not only broken into an Iyalet office and spent hours learning the answers to all the tests—you had somehow survived your engraver’s training despite having tremendous issues reading and writing! That speaks to bloody-minded, grim determination if ever I’ve heard it!”

I grew faint. “W-wait. Wait. So you knew…”

“Am I to name every obvious thing I know, boy?”

“But, ma’am…I thought before now, I had been very…”

There was a limp silence, broken only by another crackle of bombards.

“I have good ears,” she said. “I could hear you reading aloud to yourself. And I have seen your writing, of course. I thought it was obvious when you duplicated Sazi text that I was aware of your condition.”

I felt myself blushing hugely. I felt a fool. What a fantasy it had been, to think my blatant weaknesses could go hidden.

“Why would you tolerate me so, ma’am?” I asked. “Why would you wish to…to have someone like me as your assistant?”

She laughed. It was a high, cruel sound. “Would you like to know what alterations I have, Din, that make me so averse to stimulation, and so reluctant to leave my residence?”

I looked at her, startled. To have her so cavalierly propose answering a question I’d debated for months was bewildering. “Well, I…”

“None,” she said.

“What?”