This Book Made Me Think of You(73)

But then they start talking, and the conversation flows easily. Tilly watches as Alfie grows gradually more at ease, smiling and laughing, his head tipped back, his eyes bright. After everything she has learned about him, she wonders whether the glimpses of the Alfie she is seeing now are more like the real Alfie, the person he was before grief and heartbreak made him think he had to push his emotions away like books organized neatly on a shelf.

They share a bottle of wine and order two chocolate tarts because they agree that desserts are not for sharing. After the meal they stumble tipsily out of the restaurant. Tilly trips on the cobbles, and he reaches out an arm to steady her. She loops hers comfortably through his.

“Thanks for today,” she says as they set off down the street, the air chilly but Alfie warm against her side. His strides are naturally long, but he shortens them to keep pace with her. “It’s so easy to take where you live for granted. But I feel like today has opened my eyes again. To how lovely this all is.” She gestures around her with her free hand.

Alfie is silent for a second. “Me too. And you’re welcome. I haven’t been to Borough Market in years. And I might never have visited Buckingham Palace if it wasn’t for you…”

They are interrupted by someone calling Alfie’s name. A petite Asian woman with a buzz cut and dressed in ripped jeans and an amazing green leather jacket heads toward them, a hand lifted in greeting. “It’s great to see you, man.”

“Suz!” Alfie says with a wide smile. “You too. What are you doing here?”

“Just meeting some friends round the corner,” the woman says, going as if to give Alfie a hug but stopping when she notices his arm is still looped through Tilly’s.

“Sorry,” Alfie says suddenly. “Suz, this is Matilda Nightingale.”

“Ah, the famous Matilda Nightingale!” Suz says excitedly. “Blue told me all about your year of books. Man, what a cool idea.”

Alfie turns slightly toward Tilly.

“Suz is Blue’s partner.”

Tilly drops her arm from Alfie’s and steps away, her mind racing.

“I thought you and Blue were together.”

Suz looks at Alfie and then bursts out laughing.

“You thought Alfie and Blue were a couple? Wow, she’s going to piss herself laughing. No offense, Alf.”

“None taken.”

“You’re not with Blue?” Tilly asks, looking up at Alfie, who shakes his head, his forehead furrowed.

“We’re old uni friends. I thought I told you that?”

Suz doesn’t seem to notice the tension that has suddenly appeared in the air around them. “Our Alf is eternally single. Blue does love you though. But not like that. Man, she’s going to find this hysterical. Anyway, I’ve got to go meet up with my friends, but I’ll see you soon, yeah? Nice to meet you, Matilda Nightingale!”

She waves and bounces off in a blur of denim and vivid green. Tilly and Alfie are left alone, the lights from the restaurants and bars around them glowing on their faces. Voices spill out of the buildings, but here it is just them and Tilly suddenly craves the crowds of earlier to hide in, anything so she doesn’t have to look at Alfie’s face as he searches hers, eyes darting back and forth as if trying to figure something out. Tilly wraps her coat tightly around her, stuffing her hands into her pockets, her mind racing as the past few months flash before her eyes, memories rearranging themselves now she has this new information.

“Are you OK?” Alfie’s forehead is still creased, his eyes fixed on her. She thinks back to their knees bumping against each other at the restaurant, to the way she’d looped her arm so trustingly through his.

“If you’re single, then was this…a date?”

Other memories from the past few months flash through her mind. Alfie helping her put up a tent in the park and showing her how to repair a puncture. Alfie collecting her from the airport and the way she ran into his arms, so relieved to see a friendly face. Alfie cooking dinner in her flat, then curling up with her on the sofa, watching TV. In her pocket she rubs her thumb over the ring that she still wears on her left hand.

He runs a hand through his hair, making it stick up on end.

“No! I mean, not if you didn’t…We’re just two friends being tourists together. Right?”

“Right…”

He coughs, suddenly not meeting her eye.

“OK, good.”

“Good.”

“Well, I should probably get home…”

He looks as though he is going to say something, but he pauses. “Of course. The tube is this way.”

Alfie doesn’t try to fill the silence on the journey back, and when Tilly pulls a book out of her bag on the underground, he swallows hard, pressing his lips firmly together and then turning to studiously read all the advertisements plastered around the carriage. Once they reach their stop, they pause outside the station entrance. It is cold and dark now, the street quiet.

“Well. Thanks for a good day. See you soon.” His shoulders are rounded, hands in the pockets of his green duffle coat.

“Yeah, see you.”

As soon as she’s inside, she kicks off her shoes and reaches for Joe’s gray hoodie, hanging on the peg. She swaps her coat for the hoodie, tugging the sleeves down over her hands. There’s still a lingering trace of Joe’s smell of cedarwood and jasmine, and she lifts the fabric to her nose and inhales deeply.