This Immortal Heart: A Novel of Aphrodite(106)

She smiles. “You’re responsible for a lot of happiness too.”

“I wish I could have brought some to you,” I say.

“I don’t think,” she says carefully, “that I would give up what it’s felt like to love Hephaestus, even though he never loved me back. Even if he never does. I’m not saying I’ve never wished that I didn’t. Sometimes the hurt is so much that I think I’d prefer to feel nothing at all. But I know that, really, that would be worse.”

“It would be worse to feel nothing than heartbreak? Are you sure?” I want to believe her, but I’ve seen for myself how hard she found it watching me marry Hephaestus.

“I am,” she says. “And I think you feel the same.”

I stay silent.

“Love opens us up to the possibility of pain,” she says. “You can’t protect us against it. You can’t strive for perfection all the time. You govern something ungovernable—a realm that’s wild and dangerous, one where there are great rewards at stake but risks as well. And it’s no different for Ares.”

I thought once that the God of War couldn’t be anything other than violent and terrible. I still struggle to reconcile the Ares I loved with what he represents.

But I also know that there’s more to Ares than battle. I’ve seen his kindness too. His capacity for love, even if he no longer has any left for me.

“It doesn’t matter now,” I say. “Ares chose exile.”

Charis sighs and glances out at the lightening sky. “Come on,” she says. “Come back to your chambers.”

She slips her arm through mine as we stand and walk back together.



* * *



—

Restless, I toss and turn in my bed. The peace of sleep eludes me. I would have thought it’d be easy to drift away after a night with the Amazons followed by a feast in Olympus, but I can’t.

The lovers in Scythia are keeping me awake. The unfinished business awaiting me on the steppe.

Was it enough to leave them lingering dreams? Will they wake, their courage and determination renewed? Or will hopelessness creep back in? Even worse, will the Amazons decide that chasing them away and stealing their horses isn’t enough? If they decide the tribe is a threat to them, they will be swift and merciless in how they deal with them.

I push back the furs from my body, exasperated. I’ll go back. I promised Melo I’d try, and so I will.

I’m still not sure what the solution is, but this is exactly the kind of scenario that Eros enjoys. I’ll bring him with me, I decide, and ask him what he thinks.

He’s eager for the adventure of flying so far beyond our realm. I go ahead in my chariot; he swoops behind me, aloft on his golden wings. I find the Amazons first. The men are indeed trying to get as much distance between them as they can, but the women are faster—they have more horses, after all—and still, the wily Melo is finding places to meet her lover in secret. Eros and I watch her beckon three of her companions along; the Scythian boy does the same and we sit back while the sparks ignite between them all.

As I expected, Eros is captivated by these trysts and the delicious torture of separation that further heightens their passion. We fly across Scythia in my chariot, watching them beneath us and discussing what to do next. I anticipate that his impulse for mischief will prompt him to action, that he’ll decide interference is the best path forwards, but he surprises me.

“You could let it play out,” he suggests. “See what happens?”

“What if the men give up and go back to their homes?” I ask him. “Or the Amazons decide to massacre them first?”

“That won’t happen,” Eros cheerfully asserts. We watch a hunting party in action, a woman hurling a spear and striking her prey directly in the heart. “Probably not, anyway,” he amends.

I look toward the horizon, across the swathes of grass and empty sky. “These aren’t our mortals,” I say. “Should I try to forget about them?”

He considers it. “I’m amazed you could detect this from so far away,” he says. “I’d never have heard anything at such a distance.”

“What good does it do if I can’t solve their problems?” I ask.

“You’ll find the answer,” he says. He gives me a sly look. “So what will you do? Go drinking with the Amazons again while you think about it?”

“I can’t,” I say regretfully. The longer I stay here, the more chance there is of seeing Ares—of his seeing me—and that’s something I need to avoid. “The young ones will be back now,” I say. “I’ll talk to them one more time.”

He unfurls his wings, ready to go. “Tell me later, then, what happens,” he says.

“I will.” I wave him off, and make my way back toward the Amazon camp. As always, it’s busy with women tending animals, cooking and working.

When I see the girls hurrying back from their furtive meetings, I move to intercept them before they reach the camp. “Girls,” I say, taking mortal form.

Melo beams. “You came back!”

I rest my hand on her shoulder. “And I see things are the same as when I left.”

She glances at her three companions. “We can’t let them go,” she says.