This Summer Will Be Different(62)

There was a large bookshelf that couldn’t contain all of Felix’s books—they were stacked in neat piles over every surface. I picked up a copy of White Teeth off a teak end table and flipped through it. Felix had written in its margins, black ink marking favorite passages.

The toast popped, but my gaze had snagged on the bookshelf. They were all there. Wide Sargasso Sea, Felix After the Rain, Great Expectations, the silly hotel self-help. The ten books I’d sent Felix, all in a row. They sat on a shelf of their own, showcased like treasures between brass book ends.

I ran a finger over the spines, heart racing. There was The Light We Lost, which I bought in April because my favorite bookseller, Addie, said that I should try something written this century. She thought I might like it. I read the jacket copy and thought Felix might, too. I chose Happy Place in May because the idea of Felix holding that bright pink book delighted me to no end and because I could think of no happier place than PEI. I pulled out Great Expectations. It was a beautifully designed hardcover, which I’d sent because I’d heard Felix say once how much he loved it. I turned it over in my hands, opened it to a random page. My breath caught at the sentence he’d underlined.

“I loved her against reason, against promise, against peace, against hope, against happiness, against all discouragement that could be.”

I quickly tucked it back on the shelf, feeling like I’d been caught reading Felix’s diary.

“Good morning.”

I spun around. He was wearing loose cotton pants, slung low on his hips. He hadn’t put on a shirt. A pillow crease ran from his temple to his cheek, disappearing into his beard. His gaze met mine. It wasn’t a spark that struck me. Or the snap of electricity. It was all the moments we’d shared, all the things I’d noticed about Felix, admired about him.

I kept the ten packets of seeds he sent me in the glass box with my map of PEI, but I’d also collected every scrap I knew about Felix, storing them away without intending to. Now they were all pieced together, a scroll of memories unspooling infinitely. The covert glances. The stolen kisses. The books tucked into his jeans. Felix’s quiet ambition. The way he drank his tea in the morning, blowing into the cup to cool it down. The speed at which he could shuck a dozen oysters. How he’d handled my body last night like it was precious, like it was his. The way he listened, with his head tilted to the side, eyes slightly narrowed. His calloused palms. How the muscles in his back moved under his shirt. How he helped with cooking and cleaning and went to the store to buy Portuguese wine when Bridget and I ran out. His easy confidence. The lovely things that came out of his mouth.

I knew Felix at twenty-three—brokenhearted, putting his life back together—and I knew him now, at twenty-seven—determined, solid, the kindest man I knew.

I stared at him, lungs squeezing tight.

“Lucy,” Felix said, and I blinked. He strode across the room, setting his hands on my hips, searching my eyes. “Looks like you went somewhere there for a second.”

I glanced at the shelf of books I sent him, panic gripping me. I heard my aunt’s voice, the night she met Felix. That gorgeous creature is smitten.

But he couldn’t be. We’d been careful. We’d kept feelings out of it. I had to keep feelings out of it. My aunt was gone, and I had In Bloom to protect. I had to stay focused. I couldn’t have more. Not now, and not with Felix of all people. He lived on Prince Edward Island. I didn’t have time for a relationship, let alone something long distance. And even if I did, Felix was Bridget’s brother. I pictured her tears when she told me about his breakup with Joy, thought of the night where she laid out the rules for our first PEI vacation.

Don’t fall in love with my brother. I couldn’t deal with losing you, Bee.

Bridget, who I loved more than anyone. Bridget, who I needed more than ever now that my aunt was gone. Bridget, who I would do anything for.

There were two pillars in my life that I needed to guard. In Bloom and my friendship with Bridget. I may have liked Felix more than any man I’d known, but he was an impossibility.

“You,” Felix said with a lazy grin. “Your hair.” He pushed it behind my shoulder and kissed my temple. His lips coasted to my neck, sucking on the flesh beneath my ear. He groaned. “Your skin. I don’t think I will ever get enough.”

I felt like I couldn’t breathe. This thing between us was getting away from me, but what if I wasn’t the only one?

“Lucy?” Felix’s gaze returned to mine. He traced my cheek with his thumb. “We didn’t eat much yesterday. You must be starving. I’ll make you French toast and bacon.”

My favorite breakfast.

What did he say when he was in Toronto? “I was never really a casual fling kind of guy.”

My heart was a rocket. “I have to go,” I said. “I can’t be here.”

“What? Why? Is everything okay?”

“No.” I shook my head, grabbing for the first lie I could think of. “It’s work. Our online ordering system crashed. Can you drive me to the cottages? I need to use my laptop.”

Felix stared at me for a long moment, brows pinched, his gaze moving around my face. He’d never looked at me with that kind of intensity before, with eyes so dark. But he nodded and then, like a switch flipped, he was light again.

“Of course.” He took a step back. “No problem. Let’s get you back.”