To Have and to Heist(47)

“But it’s a behind-the-scenes job,” Cristian whined. “I’ll be stuck in the kitchen. I want to be part of the action, meeting and greeting all the horny drunk people who’ll be looking for some love.” He grabbed a rusty pipe, jumped up on the table, and crooned Elvis Presley’s “Can’t Help Falling in Love.”

He didn’t look like Elvis. He didn’t sound like Elvis. Even his hips—and Cristian could move his hips—didn’t move the way Elvis’s hips moved. I refrained from clapping to avoid another painful repeat performance.

“We’re going to have to keep an eye on him,” Chloe whispered.

Cristian grabbed his crotch and did a pelvic thrust.

“Honestly,” I said. “I’d rather not.”

“What have you got for me?” Emma called over the crooning.

“You can handle the transportation and parking,” I said. “That gives you a chance to walk around the property. We’ll need room for a huge trailer. An elephant will be involved.”

Emma’s eyes lit up. “Will I get to drive this elephant?”

“People ride elephants; they don’t drive them. And no. It will have a handler.”

“What about me?” Anil moved to the edge of his chair, one leg shaking in nervous anticipation.

“You’re in charge of entertainment—I’m thinking string quartet while pictures are being taken, maybe a jazz band after the ceremony, and a DJ for the dance floor. You’ll ask to see the electrical box and the breakers ostensibly to ensure there is enough power outside for the sound system, but really in case we need to cut power during the heist—all things in a mechanical engineer’s wheelhouse.”

Anil’s delight was almost palpable. “We won’t need to hire a DJ. I can drop my own sick beats.”

“You’re in charge,” I said. “Just make sure Mr. Angelini is happy with the music. He’s not the kind of dude you want to disappoint.”

“I’ll be the security liaison,” Chloe said. “That will give me access to the IT and security systems. I’ll be able to get the information I need to hack the system and find out the number and positions of the cameras, drones, and any other security they might have.”

“What about Gage?” Anil asked. “He should have a job, too. Or is he just here to shoot at people?”

“Gage? Do you have any wedding-related skills?” I tried to make out his expression, but he was standing in the shadows.

“I used to be a priest.”

Silence filled the room.

“You’re joking,” Emma said. “Tell me you’re joking.”

“I don’t joke.”

Of course, Emma couldn’t let it go. “Have you performed any actual weddings?”

“One.”

“Were they conscious?”

“Bella was wearing a cross around her neck,” I said. “I wouldn’t be surprised if they’re planning to hold the ceremony in a church. Gage, can you do a church ceremony?”

“The key words were ‘used to be,’？” he said. “I was released from my sacred duties. I can no longer represent myself as clergy.”

“What made you give it up?” Anil asked. “That would have been a serious commitment involving many years of study. Did you lose faith?”

“It had to be the celibacy.” Cristian pumped his fists and rocked his hips in a lewd gesture. “I’ll tell you right now, I could never be a priest. I can’t go more than a day, much less forever.”

“Was it a woman?” Emma joined in the speculation. “Did you fall in love?”

“I’ll bet he never had any trouble filling his church on a Sunday morning,” Chloe whispered, digging her fingers into my arm. “I read an erotic romance series about a sadistic priest and the woman he fell in love with . . .” She shoved her fist in her mouth and groaned. “It was the hottest thing ever. And now my deepest, darkest naughty priest fantasy is coming to life.”

“He’s an ex-priest,” I murmured. “And it’s Gage, not some sexy sadist. He spends most of his time hiding in the shadows glaring at people.”

Chloe fanned herself with her hand. “He had robes, babe. Oh God. I’m not going to be able to sleep tonight.”

“Does anyone else have a secret past they want to share?” I asked. “Hand up if you are an undercover agent or in witness protection. Do you have the ability to shoot lasers from your eyes? Are you the secret heir to the throne of some European country? Are you an expert in ancient languages because you had to research them for a secret New York Times bestseller that you published under a pen name? Any members of the Illuminati? Ninja warriors or alien princes, please step forward.”

“Jack’s got that weird thing for plants,” Gage offered. “He knows everything about them. You should get him to handle the flowers.”

Where was Jack? Why was he never around when we were planning things, only to show up at the most inopportune moments, make my blood boil, and disappear again? He’d put me in the limo last night after the ball with only the barest brush of his lips on my cheek as a good-bye.

“We’re all weird,” I said. “If we weren’t, we’d be out living normal lives, earning minimum wage in a nine-to-five job before moving on to an evening side hustle just to pay rent as we dream of houses we’ll never be able to buy and lives we’ll never be able to live. Instead, we’re huddled in Rose’s garage on a Friday night, eating stale petit fours and planning a heist and a wedding.”