Wild Love (Rose Hill, #1)(5)
I like Ryan. I’ve always liked Ryan. Since the first day he flopped down next to me and flashed me that signature lopsided, boyish grin in the first finance course of my master’s program. Everything about our relationship after that was easy. Friends and study buddies, roommates, and from there… more.
Then I just never left.
Sometimes I wonder if it was all just a little too easy. We grew from roommates to partners in a way that seemed simple and obvious. Now, we’re feeling like roommates again, and I wonder what changed and how I never noticed it happening. I wonder if sweet, lovable Ryan has noticed or if I’m the problem.
I wonder… do you feel yourself fall out of love? Or do you just wake up and realize it one day?
“What’d you get up to?” I ask. “I didn’t even hear you come in.”
He pulls out the second seat at the island in our sleek two-bedroom apartment. “Yeah. Didn’t get back until like three and you were out cold. Some bigwigs from the head office took the guys and me out for beers after work, and one thing led to another.”
He chuckles good-naturedly and ruffles my hair. Some days that might feel sweet. But after what happened to me yesterday, it feels… condescending.
I give him a brittle smile and smooth my hair. Ryan is a good guy. I remind myself of this all the time, over little things. I feel guilty those little things are irritating me, and I feel guiltier for what that irritation might mean.
He’s like a golden retriever. Happy and chill and unbothered all the time. And sometimes when he accidentally drools on me or gets hair on my black shirt, like some sort of big, happy idiot, I want to snap at him. But he’s so well-meaning that I don’t.
I ignore it because our lives are too damn busy for me to worry about that right now. Ryan is everything I should want and I don’t want to throw away a multi-year relationship with a nice guy, all because I’m overworked and on edge.
That seems rash. It could be a phase. I could regret it. I’ve always been the responsible child in my family. I don’t make thoughtless moves.
“Fun,” I add without feeling. Because a bunch of oil industry guys going out on the town doesn’t sound any better than a bunch of construction industry guys doing the exact same thing.
They both sound like prime ass-grabbing situations.
My cheeks heat as I recall the feeling of Stan’s hand over the curve of my body. I’ve always thought I’d be able to brush something like that off. When I ride the SkyTrain, people bump into me all the time. But with him it’s the intention— the path his touch took.
It felt wrong. And I stayed awake for a long time thinking about it. Realizing I had heard the sharp, ragged intake of his breath behind me as his fingers dug in.
That little gasp is what spurred me into motion.
That little gasp plays on repeat in my ears. It makes my skin crawl. It makes me not want to show my face at work. It seems like it shouldn’t bother me this much, and yet it does. I’m not sure who I trust enough to tell. I could tell West, but I know how he’d react, and I don’t want him to go to jail.
So, I opt for Ryan. Sweet, lovable, reliable Ryan.
“I have something I was hoping I could get your opinion on.”
He pauses from scrolling on his phone to peek up at me, a reassuring expression on his face. “Yeah, babe. Of course.”
“So yesterday, at the end of that big meeting I’ve been prepping for—you know the one?”
His eyes stay glued on the screen, but he nods. “Yeah, of course. You’ve been walking around muttering that presentation under your breath for at least a week. I bet you nailed it.”
“Right. Yeah. That’s the one. And it went well. But, so…” My fingers twist in my lap, cup of tea forgotten on the counter before me. I have my full attention on Ryan as I try to muster the courage to get this out. But Ryan has his attention on what appears to be a video of a raccoon taking a bubble bath.
“At the end of the meeting, I was showing my boss, Stan, something. And he touched me. Well, he grabbed my ass.”
My throat feels tight as Ryan jerks his head up in my direction. “Oh shit,” is the first thing he says, but there’s an edge of amusement to it. Like this is somehow funny.
“Yeah. Oh shit.”
Ryan straightens at my terse tone, finally looking concerned. “Do you think he meant to? Like, was it on purpose?”
The bridge of my nose stings at that being the first thing he asks. “Yes, it was very much on purpose.”
“Dang. Are you all right?” He puts the phone down and gives me his full attention, though I’m finding I wish he hadn’t. I thought I wanted his attention, but now I’m squirming under his gaze. Turns out this was easier to talk about without him staring at me.
I nod briskly, assuredly, to cover for the fact I don’t know if I actually am all right. “I told him I’m going to take it to HR, but they were gone already. So now I’m kinda gearing myself up to walk in there and let them know.”
He blows out a loud breath and shifts on his stool, placing a hand on my leg before saying the worst thing he’s ever said to me. “Shit, Rosie. I’m sorry. I know how important this job is to you. Do you think it might be better to pretend like it never happened? These big companies”—his fingers graze my thigh before squeezing it, and I feel myself recoil from his touch—“they stay as far away from scandal as possible. And it’s still a relatively new position for you… I’d hate to see that jeopardized.”