With Love, from Cold World(59)

“Because of what happened with his dad?”

Kiki paused midbite, setting the roll back down on the plate. “Wait, how do you know about his dad?”

Lauren felt her face heat. It hadn’t even occurred to her that maybe that might’ve been a secret, or at least something she shouldn’t go mouthing off about. “He told me . . .”

Kiki looked like she was going to say something else, but luckily Elliot came in the kitchen just then, grabbing a flavored seltzer water from the fridge. “Are we going to start the movie, or not?” they asked. “Some of us have to work in the morning.”

“Technically, my shift starts at eleven, which is the morning,” Kiki said. “And I can’t just roll out of bed and pound out words on my laptop. I have to actually get dressed and look presentable.”

“Oh, presentable,” Elliot said. “Sounds like you’ll need to be up at the crack of dawn, then, to give yourself enough time.”

“You don’t deserve these,” Kiki said, handing them a plate of pizza rolls.

Lauren had settled into a spot on the couch, the movie already started, when her phone buzzed next to her. She realized she’d never bothered answering Daniel, and figured it was him again, but it turned out to be from a local number she didn’t recognize.

    Miracle on 34th Street—that your pick?



She knew who it had to be, but she couldn’t help but glance around, verifying that everyone else was concentrated on the movie.

    Group consensus. Couldn’t decide which Christmas movie was the best.



His reply, when it came in, was a gif of Catherine O’Hara from Home Alone, shouting “Kevin!” Lauren couldn’t stop the small snort-laugh that came from her nose, and she gave John an apologetic look when he glanced up. She even tried to put her phone away after that, so as not to be rude, but then another message buzzed in.

    I didn’t know you were coming over tonight.



Well, why would he? She hadn’t even known she’d be coming over. And she didn’t see how it would’ve made any difference. It wasn’t like she’d come over specifically to see him.

Oh god. Was that what he thought? That she’d somehow engineered this as a way to spend more time with him after last night?

She hated this sudden awareness of him, of wondering what he thought or how he felt. Earlier, she’d felt a stirring from watching him wrap a present, for crying out loud, which she told herself was only because she found extreme competence a turn-on.

Before, she’d known where she and Asa stood—they were coworkers, not overly friendly ones, and rivals in a competition to figure out ways to improve Cold World. At various points last night, she’d thought they were becoming something more like friends. But then they’d messed around, which was a more polite way of saying that he’d fingered her until she saw stars.

And ever since, she’d felt . . . dreamy. Untethered. Like a balloon, released into the sky.

She was still trying to figure out how to reply to Asa’s last text when another one came in. gtg—a chat is coming in. My shift ends at 10 if you’ll still be around?

It was hard to focus on the movie after that. Lauren kept turning that question over and over in her head, trying to figure out if it meant anything. Did he want her to still be around? Or had it just been a throwaway comment, and she could leave or she could stay and it would make no difference to him either way?

Maybe what they really needed was to talk it all out, clear the air. Lauren would reiterate that she’d had a good time, but let him know that she knew it hadn’t meant anything. He’d be relieved, and would say something about how he thought she was a nice person, but they’d gotten caught up in the moment . . . then they could return to having the occasional run-in in the break room, face off in front of Dolores for the presentations, and otherwise forget the other one even existed.

Lauren wiped her hands on her skirt, her palms suddenly feeling sweaty. Okay. She could do that. She could be mature and get it all out, so they didn’t have to feel awkward around each other at work, so that she could come over to hang out with Kiki and not have it be weird.

“Are you going to eat those?” Kiki asked, gesturing to Lauren’s untouched plate of pizza rolls.

Lauren had grabbed a chicken wrap on her way home from work hours ago, but somehow she just didn’t have an appetite now. “No,” she said. “You can have them.”

“We’ll split them,” Elliot said, reaching over to grab a few off the plate as Kiki pulled it closer to her. “That’s only fair.”

Only fair. The words stuck in Lauren’s brain, tugged something loose. Maybe what she needed was for things between her and Asa to feel more even. He’d brought her to climax, seen her fall apart in front of him, but he’d been more in control the whole time. There had been moments—Lauren could still remember that sharp intake of breath when she’d first rubbed against him, the look in his eyes when he’d said he was close.

Being with Asa had switched something on inside her, and she didn’t know if it was going to go away unless she saw it through. Maybe the problem was that this was an open circuit, and she needed to close it.





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