You, With a View(25)

I cross my arms, glaring up at him. “I’m not dragging anyone. I told Paul I needed to borrow the map to go on this trip, and right before you burst in here like the Hulk, he said he wanted to join me. I would love his company”—I smile at Paul so he knows I’m accepting his request before turning my murder eyes back on Theo—“but I’m not forcing anyone into anything. I’m doing this for myself. If Paul wants to join me, that’s his prerogative.”

Theo’s mouth twitches.

I point at him. “Do not smile, I’m being authoritative right now.”

“Uh-huh. Don’t quit your day job, Shepard,” he says.

Thomas chokes on his water, and I shoot him a look while Sadie elbows him in the side. But Theo’s not paying attention anyway; he’s facing off with Paul, his arms crossing over his chest.

“Why do you want to do this?” he asks. “Is this about Kathleen? Is this some wish fulfillment thing?”

Paul shakes his head. “Kat and I had our closure. I’d like to be there for Noelle if she has questions or needs support. In fact, I’d love to tell her the whole story as we go.” He reaches over to take my hand, and I have to work extraordinarily hard not to burst into tears. The thought of doing all of this at once is an overwhelming mix of joy and grief. Across the table, Thomas sends me a quiet, understanding look.

Theo doesn’t miss my struggle with emotions, but then again, he doesn’t miss much.

Paul’s voice dips as he continues, “And I’ve been kicking around one house or another since Vera died, Teddy. I’d like to get back out into the world, even if it’s just for . . .” He trails off expectantly.

“Two weeks,” I supply.

“Two weeks. I need this as much as Noelle does.” He levels his grandson with a look. “And, I suspect, as much as you do, too. Travel’s always done you good.”

My heart leaps into my throat as Theo scoffs. Across the table, Thomas and Sadie are staring between the three of us, eyes wide. Sadie’s go even wider when they meet mine, as Paul’s implication takes root.

He wants Theo to come on this trip, too? I resist the urge to scream out “NO.”

“I can’t leave,” Theo says into the bloated silence.

“Why not?” Paul asks. It’s the most confrontational I’ve ever heard him.

“Because I—you know why.” Theo gestures to him with a wild flick of his wrist. “And you shouldn’t go, either. You’re not thirty anymore.”

Paul waves him off. “I’m healthy as a horse and you know it. Maybe I’m slower than I used to be, but I can still get around just fine. I walk three miles every day, and my father lived to be 104. If I called my physician right now, he’d say go.” He tosses up his hands. “Hell, he’d probably ask to come along, too. There’s great golf along the way.”

Theo sighs deeply, running the hand not clutching his phone through his hair. His fingers grip the ends, a frustrated move.

“Well, I can’t talk you out of it,” he says finally.

“You’re right,” Paul says. He turns to me. “Are you sure it’s all right with you? I understand if you want to go solo.”

Theo frowns. “It’s not all that safe, Shep.”

“Thank you, I already got that lecture from my mom, and it doesn’t matter anyway. Paul and I are going on this adventure together.”

Theo scrubs at his jaw, his eyes closing briefly. “Yeah, that makes me feel so much better. I—”

His phone buzzes and he looks down at the screen. Dad flashes urgently across it. Seeing his name and the way Theo’s expression caves in on itself is a déjà vu moment: we could just as easily be in our high school parking lot right now, me watching Theo’s dad admonish him in that quiet, controlled way that was ten times more intimidating than shouting.

“Of course,” Theo mutters with a grim smile. “Be right back.”

He disappears inside, and I turn back to Paul, who’s watching his grandson disappear. His expression is pinched with concern, but it smooths out when he feels my attention.

“I’m excited to do this with you.” As soon as I say it, the matching emotion runs through my veins, like adrenaline but sweeter.

“I appreciate you letting me tag along. This’ll be the perfect way to tell you our story.” Paul pats the side of the box. “I’ll bring along the letters and fill in what I can until you have the answers you need.”

I can’t describe the feeling in my chest. It’s not happiness; it’s sharper than that, even though it’s warm and golden, too. It makes my eyes sting. I’ll get their whole love story, an extended game of secret sharing. But I won’t be playing it with Gram.

“Oh!” Paul says, perking up. “I’ll bring my camera along, since you’re bringing yours.”

“Nice, like a photography trip.” Thomas looks at me meaningfully. Not such a lie after all.

Paul’s eyes are saying something, too. They shine with support, and I can’t help thinking of the way Gram used to look at me the same way. Like she was just happy I was trying. “I’m eager to see your work.”

“Well . . .” I let out a nervous laugh. This man is an accomplished photographer with a career I could only dream of. “Manage your expectations.”