You, With a View(97)
We get caught in an extended moment that weaves between us, a thread added to all the ones we’ve made these past weeks. Invisible. Unbreakable.
There’s so much more I want to hear, though, so I nudge us out of the moment, running my hand up his thigh. My fingers brush against the folder in his lap. “Tell me what you’ve been doing with all your newfound freedom.”
“I, ah,” he starts, scrubbing a hand over his jaw with reluctant amusement, “I actually spent yesterday trying to figure out how to make a TikTok.”
My eyes widen. “What? Why?”
“I wanted to make one for you.” His expression turns self-conscious. “It’s harder than it looks to make something as good as yours, so I eventually gave up and moved to plan B.”
“What’s plan B? Actually, I’m not even sure I understand plan A.”
He laughs softly. “Plan A was a video where I basically laid my heart on the line. Plan B is the same, but hopefully with less trolls in the comment section.”
My throat is so tight, my heart so impossibly full. “No promises.”
Theo grins, a hopeful thing that quickly dissolves into a gentle curl. “I went to see Granddad on Wednesday. Well, you saw me, so you know.”
“Yeah.”
“We had a long talk.” He runs a hand through his hair, leaving it mussed. “Very long. So long that he ended up canceling his poker game. He had a lot to say, which won’t surprise you.”
“Zero percent surprised.”
His eyes move over my face like he’s taking a mental snapshot. “You and Granddad both gave me a lot to think about. How I view my success, how others view it, what I think I deserve and how I sabotage myself because of how I grew up.” I reach over to take his hand, and he looks down as his fingers weave through mine. “But it wasn’t until Granddad took me into his darkroom and showed me the pictures I want to show you that I really understood what I was at risk of losing if I didn’t get my shit together.”
My hand tightens around his. “You weren’t going to lose me.”
“I could’ve,” he says quietly. “Maybe not right away, but eventually. I want to be that guy for you, but I want to be it for me, too. We both deserve to be with someone who wants us exactly as we are, don’t you think?”
“Yes,” I whisper, my eyes filling.
“Did you ever notice how my granddad took pictures of us?” he asks suddenly.
I frown. “Vaguely.”
“He took a lot, the stalker, because he knew what he was capturing before we did.”
“What do you mean?”
His smile is so tender it looks like it could break, and I hold my breath, not wanting to disturb it. “Let me show you.”
Thirty-Two
My eyes drop to the folder in Theo’s lap. He puts a hand over it, his veins road-mapped underneath his skin. I’ve had that hand all over my body, and now I feel like it’s holding my heart.
“There were things I held back,” he says. “The stuff with my job, but other things, too. I want to tell you now, if that’s okay.”
“Okay,” I say faintly.
He opens the folder and my gaze locks in on the top picture. It’s Theo and me at Tunnel View overlook, the day I took my first photo. I’m in profile, my camera cradled in my hands. It’s clear I’ve just lowered it, and I’m gazing out at the view in wonder. Theo’s several feet away, watching. His expression mirrors mine, but he’s looking at me.
“Here, I was thinking about how proud I was that you took that photo even though you were scared,” Theo says, his voice low in my ear. “I thought about how scared I was that I walked away from a wreck I’d have to face in two weeks. I wished I could be brave like you, and I wish I’d told you that.”
“Theo—” I croak out, but he shakes his head, placing the first picture down.
“There’s more.”
The next one is us in Death Valley. We’re standing close, mirroring each other. Our shoulders are curved in toward each other. I’m gazing up at him, eyes wide, totally rapt. Theo’s hands are in his pockets, his body leaning into my space. It’s like he wants to reach for me, but won’t let himself.
“This is when you asked me about Where To Next’s name,” he says. “Granddad said it, and I knew you’d ask me about it. You’re always paying attention. I didn’t realize how much I needed to talk about it, but somehow you did.”
His expression got so soft when he told me that his trips with Paul were woven into the foundation of the company. It was clear how much it meant to him.
“I’ll never forget when you said Where To Next was my pay-it-forward moment over and over again,” Theo says. “You saw my intent the way no one else did, even Anton and Matias, and it hurt to know that was going to get taken away from me. You understanding what I wanted to do in the first place took some of that away, and I wish I’d told you that in the moment.”
I’m fully crying now, but Theo doesn’t stop. It’s like the floodgates are open and everything’s pouring out at once. It’s a purging of secrets.
The next picture, we’re in Zion at the swimming hole. We’ve just breached the water after yelling, and we’re looking up at Paul, so close our shoulders are touching. Underneath the water, our legs look tangled.