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You Can’t Be Serious(62)

Author:Kal Penn

* * *

Ninety-nine percent of my White House job had nothing to do with Hollywood. In fact, I went out of my way to avoid the mere perception that I was in any way different from other staffers. One afternoon, a coworker named Ken Williams-Bennett brought his excited kids into the complex. His son told me he was a big fan and asked for a photo. I was usually polite in declining these types of requests, but I must have been having an especially hectic day. “I’m not really here for that,” I told him curtly as I walked away. A few years ago, I was at the MTV Video Music Awards and ran into Chance the Rapper. I told him I was a massive fan, and he quickly let me know that he was the kid who I iced out of a photo at the White House. I still feel bad about that one.

Besides the Chance fiasco, there were only a small handful of times when there was any overlap between my White House job and my old life as an actor. Sometimes OPE would support the Social Secretary (Social) and Secret Service (USSS) for what was known as “gate duty.” It’s exactly what it sounds like. When we had gate duty, we’d stand with Social and USSS at the White House gates and help check names off of guest lists for various signing ceremonies and events that were being held in the complex. The Obama Administration was notoriously short-staffed given the scope of things we were trying to get done—and while OPE was focused on outreach (not event planning), since we did help put together the lists of attendees for official meetings and events, it stood to reason that we would also pitch in from start to finish to make sure everything went smoothly. One time, Chris Rock saw me staffing the northwest gate of the White House when he was coming in for the National Medals of Arts and Humanities ceremony. I could tell by his shocked look that he thought I left the television show House to literally work the front gate of the White House checking names off a list. Even if that had been my whole job, working the gate is an honorable gig, Chris Rock!

A more substantive intersection of my life in Hollywood and my years at the White House came at a darker time, immediately following the earthquake that decimated Haiti on Tuesday, January 12, 2010. More than three hundred thousand people had died. Another three hundred thousand were injured. Countless more had lost their homes, their livelihoods, everything. With few close nearby allies, America had to help Haiti, and the Obama Administration led the international response.

Within hours of the disaster, the president directed the entire staff to do everything we could to assist. Valerie Jarrett and Tina Tchen called several emergency staff meetings to offer regular updates from the National Security Council. The Situation Room began to email hourly reports similar to those we received after the BP oil spill. Given Haiti’s limited capacity and infrastructure, it would be critical for Americans to contribute money to the recovery effort rather than donating supplies that couldn’t physically be sent to the island.

President Obama had spoken with Presidents Bush and Clinton, deputizing them to take the lead on fundraising efforts on behalf of the American people. In a few days, the three presidents would jointly announce the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund. Valerie and Tina asked the staff for any and all ideas we might have on how best to get the word out about it. There was something rolling around in my head, an idea that I knew I was in a unique position to bring up.

I hesitated for a second. I had been trained to be inconspicuous and do good work as a dedicated staffer, extra mindful that any transgressions could be perceived as arrogance. For this reason, I didn’t generally offer up ideas outside the mandate of my narrow portfolios: young Americans, AAPIs, and the arts. But the timing around the January 12 earthquake was full of especially unique circumstances.

* * *

The Golden Globe Awards were set to take place five days later, on January 17. I had been to the Golden Globes and Emmy Awards with my House cast and had firsthand experience with how awards-show publicity worked. The show would draw millions of viewers. If we sent some talking points to each of the nominees, I knew that most of those actors, directors, and writers would want to help by repeating them in red-carpet interviews. That would connect generous audiences at home with the best information on how to donate to those in need once the president announced the Clinton Bush Haiti Fund. I was confident that the idea was an efficient way to raise both awareness and cash quickly.

Valerie and Tina agreed. I was encouraged to run with it.

I assembled a plan that mirrored our other Public Engagement protocols. The reach and impact would be huge but the first task itself was pretty simple: Put together a contact list of Golden Globe nominees’ and their representatives—who serve as their gatekeepers—and invite them all to a conference call to run through key talking points. This was the email I sent out:

From: “Modi, Kalpen S.” <[email protected]>

Date: Fri, 15 Jan 2010 14:32:25–0500

To: <[email protected]>

Subject: White House Conference Call on Haiti

On behalf of the White House Office of Public Engagement, I wanted to extend an invitation to you and your clients to participate in a telephone briefing on the current response to the disaster in Haiti.

Since you may be asked questions on Haiti or on how to help, we are holding an off-the-record briefing to provide you with the most up-to-date information.

White House Briefing on Haiti

TODAY, Friday, January 15, 2010

3:30PM PST / 6:30PM EST

CALL: (800) 36[Redacted]

PASSCODE: Haiti Update provide in lieu of passcode

If you can’t make it, please let us know who will take your place.

Thanks,

Kalpen Modi

Associate Director, White House Office of Public Engagement

As I expected, people were overwhelmingly receptive. Everyone wanted to help. Well, almost everyone. There was one particular whopper of a response, from a publicist working with a well-liked Golden Globe nominee, that goes down as the most ridiculous email I’ve ever gotten. Because of the sheer absurdity of it, I’ve chosen to publish it here, in the spirit of humankind learning from the worst among us:

From: [Redacted X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X X]

Date: Friday, January 15, 2010 3:11 PM

To: Modi, Kalpen S.

Subject: Re: White House Conference Call on Haiti

I know this is going to sound absolutely SUPERFICIAL to someone that works in DC, but I suspect I got this because of [Redacted] and with the Golden Globes being this Sunday and all hands are on deck dealing with dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, etc., we’re not going to be able to fit this in today. If there’s an email with information I’m happy to distribute that.

I couldn’t believe it. Imagine: hundreds of thousands of people have been hurt or killed in an earthquake. You have an opportunity to use your privilege to help the survivors. So, what kind of human responds with concerns about that Sunday’s “dresses, shoes, hair, makeup, etc.”? To me, the most appalling part about it is that they recognized it was “superficial”—and thought it was a good idea to go ahead and press Send anyway.

Holding my tongue, I replied to the email with the details the publicist asked for, and then got back to focusing on the job at hand. I couldn’t dwell on that bad apple, because right then, Valerie asked for help in dealing with a new issue involving another actor.

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