“What?”
“You know.” Gage makes a motion with his thumbs, like he’s using a controller. “I might be down for Fortnite right about now.”
Joey looks at me and then back at Gage. “Um, okay?”
I nod, because I guess I’m supposed to, now that I’m Joey’s keeper. Of course Gage is safe. Like he said, he never touches the stuff. In the universe my mother would like us to live in, Gage would be the perfect friend for Joey.
“Cool. Let’s get to it,” Gage says. “I got a whole free afternoon.”
They get out of the pool and wrap themselves in towels.
“You better put some dry towels down. You know how much Mom hates pool water on the floor! And put some towels on the couch!” I call.
Gage turns around and gives me the thumbs-up. At first, I’m hopeful he’ll say, “Come in and play with us, Em,” but he doesn’t.
Instead, he turns his head ever so slightly to the pool house and mouths, Later.
13
THERE’S A TEAR IN the shoulder of her blouse, like someone yanked it suddenly. Or took it between their fingers and she pulled away quickly, the thread separating the fabric. Her eyeliner is smudged. The strobe lights in the basement flash across her face redblueredblueredblue. Is she crying? I don’t want to be at this party, either, but my mother told Joey he had to take me if he wanted to go. She thought it would keep him from getting high. You need to take care of your sister. That was actually code to me for You need to watch Joey. So we got in his Toyota, Nana’s old car. The seat belts in the back didn’t work. She gave it to him when she gave up driving. Now she takes the bus everywhere. There are too many kids in this basement and it’s too hot. I don’t know where Joey went. Not knowing where Joey went is bad because it means I haven’t done my job. Now the girl is crying. Her name comes slowly, like a drop of water down window glass. That’s right. Candy. From dance team freshman year. I don’t like any of this music. Or maybe I would if I was like other kids. I text Joey. The girl has her head in her hands. I text Joey again. I want to leave. The girl’s eyes meet mine. I slide in and out of kids dancing. Candy, are you okay? Can she even hear me? Her eyes drift away from mine, to a boy in the corner. He’s staring at us. I don’t like his eyes. Do you have a car? I just want to go home. Please take me home. I have a really bad headache and that guy grabbed me.
And then her mouth opens, and blood drains out. I catch it in my hands.
* * *
—
I wake up slicked with sweat, my heart racing.
Why am I dreaming about Candy MontClair? I don’t want to dream about her. I have her, in my head, when I’m awake. I don’t want her when I sleep.
Fuzzy shifts her tiny body at the end of my bed, lets out a sigh. I rub my feet against her. I have to go back to sleep. Tomorrow is the first day of school. The first day of everything. I don’t want to be tired like I was last year, because I was up late waiting for Joey or helping him with homework. Sometimes I’d start to fall asleep in class and catch myself at the last minute, before my head hit the desk.
I walk down the hall to Joey’s new room. Peer around the doorway. He’s splayed across the bed, in the pink-and-yellow glow of Maddie’s unicorn night-light. I climb into her hanging hammock. Maybe the swaying will make me sleepy.
Joey stirs. “Em?”
“Sorry,” I say. “I couldn’t sleep.”
He leans on an elbow. “You can come in, if you want.”
He scoots over in the bed. I slide in.
“Joey?”
“Mmm.”
I have to tread carefully. I don’t want to upset him.
“Do you ever think about her?”
“Who?”
I hesitate. “Candy.” Her name feels off in my mouth, like the first bite of a food gone sour.
A rustling on his side of the bed. “Sometimes. It’s sad.”
“I had a dream about her. A bad one.”
“Emmy,” he says, looping his arm around me. “It’s probably because of school tomorrow. You’re worried about seeing everyone. Having them see you. Us.”
“I can’t believe Tasha dropped me,” I say.
He sighs. “I guess we’ll be friendless together then, huh?”
“I guess so,” I say.
“Well, at least we have each other, right?” he says.
Before I can answer I hear soft snores.
When I was little and had nightmares, my dad would always come for me. He was usually up, because of his late shifts. He’d climb into bed with me, tuck me against him.
I didn’t even know what song he was singing to me for the longest time, until I was older and heard it over the loudspeaker once at the Mill Haven county fair. I thought maybe he’d made it up, this song about a guy who wanted to give a girl numbers, like actual numbers: a giant three, a giant nine. Maybe he took them and wanted to give them back. My mom used to make fun of my dad for singing that song.
Jenny I got your number
8675309
Maybe it was his soft voice back then that lulled me to sleep. Maybe it was the cadence of the song. But I try it now anyway. Murmur it over and over to wash away Candy MontClair and the dream blood pooling in my hands, Candy MontClair and her ripped blouse and her simple headache that changed everything.
Jenny I got your number. 8675309. 8675309.
86753098675309…
Mis_Educated
Hey, hey, Heywood High!
Here we are again
Are you ready
For another year
Of useless tests
Books by dead white men
Trigonometry triggers me
How about you?
Let’s see who’ll be back this year Who got sent away for being
Sad, mad, drunk, gay, drugged out, just Being a problem Mom and Dad can’t handle?
What MEDS are you on this year Besides the fun ones
I hear you can get some good ones At the house where the shoe
Hangs in the trees
Let’s see who’s back to teach us the finer parts of humanity Will it be Grabby Hands McGregor （watch out kids）
How about Helen Hoover from Hell Ready to fuck up American history for us I wonder how Mistuh Brody’s summer was （don’t you dare forget to call him mister, you ingrates） And let’s remember who isn’t here You know who I’m talking about And I miss her too
We are too young
To have had so many deaths
（oh and all you vegans your petition for better lunches was DE-NIED）
11 likes
#heywoodhigh #heywoodhaulers #schoolsin #backtoschool #millhaven #nightmare Lzysusan so much for keeping school kidz healthy
FrancesP44 what is this account who are you MandyMandy I miss her, too NatetheGreat those kids shoulda gone to jail after Candy TupacLives @NatetheGreat That Luther guy went to juvie Stewie13 I hate school PristTine party at the bridge 9 tonite HelenOfJoy Did you see that reading list for Watson’s class? Lolita omg GiGi oh god Grabby Hands not again I can’t take another year of over the shoulder boulder holders for god’s sake man just teach me molecular something and stop feeling me up already
14
JOEY WALKS INTO THE kitchen with a disgusted look on his face. “I can’t wear this stuff,” he says. “I want my old clothes back.”
He’s dressed in a charcoal-gray hoodie, a chocolate-colored T-shirt, and a pair of the holey jeans I got him at the Gap.