My mother’s voice is soft. “I don’t understand what you expect me to do, Neil.”
My dad’s voice falters as he turns back around.
“Well, I’m not sure, Abigail,” he says tightly. “But those people need help, or this is the place they will die.”
Then he starts the car and takes us home.
* * *
—
I pace in my room, Fuzzy nervously darting in between my legs. I feel weird, like I can’t get a fix on myself. Like I’m floating away from myself. Not real.
When my phone flashes, I’m so startled I almost drop it. It’s Maddie, video calling.
“What the hell happened?” she asks. “Mom texted me and then suddenly the police are calling me, asking me if I’ve heard from Joey.”
I sit down on my bed. “He’s gone. He and Mom had a fight and…we went to Hank’s Hoagies and watched the surveillance video. Maddie, Luther was there.”
My sister’s face crumples. “Oh, shit, no.”
“He handed him drugs over the counter and Joey took them and then…he left. He disappeared.”
“Well, where the fuck is Luther? He’s probably with him. Tell the police to find him.”
“I think they’ll try, but who knows where he might be. He could be anywhere.”
“I’m not sure what to do. I should probably stay here, right? In case he, I don’t know, heads out here? I mean, shit, what should I do?”
“I don’t know. I guess? I mean, he might go anywhere.”
“Maddie.” I hate the way my voice sounds so small.
“What?”
“I…Joey got high the night of the dance. I didn’t tell Mom and Dad.”
She’s quiet. “I get that. You probably thought you could fix it.”
“Should I tell them now?”
Maddie blows air slowly. “I don’t know. Maybe. Maybe not. I mean, what’s it going to solve at this point?”
“I don’t know.” I say. “I don’t know what to do. About anything.”
“It’s okay, Emmy. Just sit tight. And take care of Mom. She’s going to put on a tough act or she’s going to go quiet. Either way, take it easy on her.”
“Okay.”
“Love you, Emmy-bear,” she says.
“Love you, too.”
As soon as Maddie hangs up, I start texting Joey, over and over. The police said he’d ditch his phone, but maybe he hasn’t yet. There’s always a chance. That I can reach him.
Come back
Please come home
I love you
We’ll help you
We saw the tape with Luther and we just want you to come home
Please Joey
Answer me
Come home
Answer me
Answer me
Answer me
* * *
—
I’m startled awake on the couch by my phone. I slept down here last night. Upstairs felt too empty, without Joey. I wanted to be by the front door again, too, in case he drove up the driveway or walked up the stoop.
It’s Daniel.
“Things are very weird here at Heywood High,” he says. He sounds out of breath.
“Joey’s missing,” I tell him. “He…it’s a long story, but he relapsed. Again.”
“What? Oh, god, I’m sorry. What can I do?”
“I don’t know. Maybe ask around school. See if anyone has seen him or knows where he is?”
“Okay, I’ll try. I’m sorry. That’s bad, Emmy.”
“I know.” I try to keep my voice from breaking.
He sighs. “Hey, I don’t know how she knew what to do, but she knew. She really did it. This place is going batshit.”
“What? Who?”
“Liza. She organized this whole Hester Prynne thing. Instagram callout or something. There’s, like, so many girls walking around with giant red, well, I guess I should say, scarlet, letters on their shirts. And flyers on the lockers with guys’ names on them. Guys who…you know…did stuff, or talked about it, spread stuff, about girls. And now everybody’s ganging up on Roly Martin. I guess it was him who found Gage’s phone and posted the pictures of you.”
I don’t know if I should feel weird or proud, listening to this. Mostly, I can’t feel anything because I’m too scared about Joey. All of this, the photos, Gage, it seems very far away now.
“That’s wild,” I say slowly. “I guess The Scarlet Letter came in handy after all.”
“I know,” he says. “And whenever teachers take attendance, people, even some guys, are answering ‘No shame’ instead of ‘here.’ Nobody’s talking about you anymore. Well, sort of, but in a different way.”
No shame. “I don’t know what to say,” I tell Daniel.
“It’s a little overwhelming,” he answers. “I just hope you’re okay.”
But I don’t know how I can be okay, with Joey out there, somewhere.
“Daniel, Joey’s friend, Luther…you know, Jeremy’s brother? Went to Joey’s work and gave him drugs. That’s how I know he relapsed. We saw the video,” I say. “That’s what happened. He’s gone.”
It hurts to say it, about the drugs.
“I’m sorry, Emory.”
“I’m going to look for him.”
“How?” he asks. “Where?”
“I don’t know, Daniel. I just don’t know. But I’ll figure it out somehow.”
I hang up with Daniel and look out our front window, at the sloping streets and fine houses and pretty lawns. Joey could be anywhere out there, and I have to find a way to bring him back.
33
MY MOM IS IN her bedroom with an ice pack on her head and my dad is at the hospital. I’m scrolling through my phone, looking for more people, anyone, that I can message that might know where Joey is, or where he would go.
Then I see it. Shadow’s number.
Joey’s Blue Spruce counselor.
“Pick up, pick up,” I mutter, listening to the phone ring on his end.
“Shadow Glenn.” His voice is casual, like it’s an ordinary day for him out in Colorado, while my world is upside down.
“Hi,” I say hesitantly. “This is…this is Joey Ward’s sister, Emory. I don’t…I don’t know if you remember him? He was there this past summer. We talked on the phone. You and me.”
Please remember me.
There’s a pause. “Yes, Emory, hello. It’s so nice to hear from you. Is everything all right?”
“No,” I say, my voice cracking. “No, everything isn’t all right. At all.”
I hear him breathe in deeply. There’s a murmuring in the background where he is. People talking, dishes clanking.
“What’s happened?” he asks.
“Joey’s missing,” I tell him. “Two days. Um…has he called you?”
“The last time I heard from him was a few weeks ago. We chatted. He was having a bit of a hard time and I think our talk helped.”
My heart sinks. Joey talked to him a few weeks ago. He must have been hurting more than he could let me know.
Shadow pauses.
“I was afraid something like this might happen,” he says. “I’m sorry to say that.”