He clicked through the frames until the time lined up with Jude entering from the front door, then cycled back through them slower. No one exited. Not even when smoke started wafting out of the windows and around the door… it never opened.
Static was rushing in my ears again, and I swallowed hard. Both Leon and Kai were watching me with expressions of pity, and it turned my stomach. I needed space. I needed to be alone and get back in control of myself. I needed… to call Sabby.
Drawing a gasping breath, I stood up on shaking knees. Where was my phone? Still in my pocket? Yes, there it was.
“DeLuna—” Leon started to say.
“Siren—” Kai said at the same time.
I didn’t want their platitudes, though. I just wanted to call Sabby and tell her… shit. What if Sab was next?
“I’m fine,” I snapped, my voice like breaking ice. “I just need a minute.”
With my spine locked up like steel, I walked away from both of them, exiting the living room and heading toward my bedroom. Everything was fuzzy, my feet just moving on autopilot while my whole world started crashing down inside my head. I didn’t even remember getting up the stairs, but a minute later I was closing my bedroom door.
My knees buckled and I crashed to the carpet, pain ricocheting through my chest with a silent sob. I couldn’t afford to break down, though. I needed to call Sabine and tell her…
Gulping air, I dragged myself up to sit with my back against the end of the bed. Then I pulled out my phone and dialed my other best friend. The one who hadn’t just been incinerated in a clearly premeditated building fire.
Fuck. What a painful way to die, too.
Sabine’s phone went straight to voicemail, and panic wracked through me with intensity at the thought that I might have lost her too. But my better judgment reminded me that I’d just spoken to her, and she was on her way out of town for the weekend. Gone to hide out in some off-grid fishing cabin owned by some work friend of hers. If she had left as soon as we spoke, she could already be out of service range.
I left a strained message on her voicemail, telling her to call me back when she could. Also reminding her to stay safe, above anything else.
Then I tucked my knees up to my chest and let myself cry silently for a few moments. Jude didn’t deserve this. She’d been through so much already, and she was one of the most genuine, kind-hearted people I knew. I couldn’t even begin to picture my life without Judith Mackenzie… She was more than just my friend, she was my family.
I barely even registered the bedroom door opening until Kai sat down beside me. His strong arm wrapped around my shaking shoulders, pulling me into his warmth, and I was powerless to push away. Even if I could, I didn’t want to. I clung to him, my fingers twisting in his T-shirt as I sobbed with almost no sound. It was a carryover from my childhood, where crying only got kids punished harder.
He just held me tight, letting me process the first acrid taste of true grief while his steady presence soothed me.
We stayed like that for ages until my whole body sagged in bone-deep exhaustion and my tear ducts ached with overuse. When my phone vibrated between us, I jumped like it was a Taser, thinking it was Sabine calling me back.
It wasn’t, but the caller ID flashing across my screen was almost as good.
“Carlos,” I gasped when the call connected. “Thank fuck, you’re alive.”
Kai shifted away slightly, giving me some space to straighten up, but he didn’t leave. Instead, he watched me intently, his fingers tracing circles on my lower back.
“Of course I am,” Carlos replied with a brittle laugh. “You know me, girl. Tougher than nails.”
“Well, then where the fuck have you been, Carlos, I tried calling a million times?” I all but screamed those words at him, fresh tears rolling down my face. I knew I cared about Carlos; he was a friend, but I hadn’t really appreciated how much I valued his friendship until he up and disappeared.
There was a beat of silence, then Carlos gave a short sigh. “Danny, what’s going on? You don’t sound like yourself. Did something happen?”
I sniffed, trying to find some level of composure, but I was too far gone. “Did something happen? Yeah, Carlos, something did happen. The fucking Guild has been trying to kill me for months, some douchebag took out a pissy three mil hit on me, my fucking friend ghosted me for weeks, oh, and Jude’s dead.” With that, my throat locked up and I couldn’t get any more words out. I just pulled my knees tighter to my chest and tried to battle through the rushing in my ears to hear Carlos’s response.
He let out a string of curses in Spanish, and all I could do was cry. Silently.
“Danny, I’m so sorry,” he finally said, the sincerity ringing clear. “I had no idea. Believe me, chica, if I had a choice, I would have been right there watching your back with guns blazing.”
I sniffed again, trying to clear the dripping of my nose. “Where were you, Carlos?”
He paused another beat. “I… had some personal stuff to handle. I’m sorry, I can’t say anything more.”
Bitterness swirled through my chest. I hated how so much of my life depended on secrets. Even my best friends couldn’t be completely honest with me… or me with them. How the fuck did we ever think we were truly so close when we were all keeping secrets? And not small secrets, either. Big ones.
At the end of the day… could we really be friends when our every interaction was kept superficial for fear of betraying our work? Leon was right, back when he questioned whether my friends would put my safety above their loyalty to their work. No. Probably not. And if I was honest, neither would I, prior to learning all I had recently.
We weren’t friends. We were just a group of people bonded through loneliness and soul-deep secrets.
“Forget it,” I whispered, full of misery. “I’m glad you’re alive, Carlos. Give hugs to Victor for me.”
Carlos gave a sad sigh. “I will. Take care of yourself, Danny. Never settle for second best, okay?”
He ended the call before I could say anything else, leaving me speechless and staring at my phone like a little bitch. I felt like I’d just been dumped by a lukewarm, unavailable boyfriend. What the fuck?
I swallowed back the fresh wave of grief that threatened to drown me and tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. He wasn’t friends with Jude; they only knew each other through me and had never spent time together, so of course he wasn’t heartbroken like me. But… he seemed like he didn’t even want to be talking to me in the first place.
Whatever the fuck his personal shit was, it’d impacted our friendship. Badly.
It took me a moment to remember Kai was sitting right there beside me, and I swiped my hand over my face to dash away the tears. Kai didn’t even know who Carlos was; I’d never told him about my unusual friendship with my ex-boyfriend’s brother. Leon knew, but as far as I knew, Kai and Leon didn’t lie around in sleeping bags exchanging gossip about me.
“That was, um, a friend,” I told him lamely. “I just…”
I had no idea what to do next. The prospect of just picking myself up, dusting myself off, and continuing with my life seemed utterly impossible. And cruel.