She shakes her head, leaning back in the seat and watching me. “Not even close, why?”
“Want to see where I really go? Where I am myself?” I ask.
She nods with a confused smile, and I pull away.
She lives in the moment. Roxy was never made for that life, she was just waiting until we found her. I’m only sorry it took so long. She belongs in our world, she shook it up and made us realise we were losing ourselves.
With her, I’m myself.
With her, I’m happy.
And now I’m going to take her to the one place I never take anyone. No riches, no clubs, or games. Just a place I go to escape it all sometimes, a place I don’t even tell Ryder I visit. It would make me sentimental, but it helps me too.
We drive through the city, but leave the music and lights behind. I know she’s wondering where we’re going, but I can’t bring myself to speak, even as we pull up at the cemetery. She gets out, and I silently take her hand and unlock the gate. I can feel her staring at me, but I walk with her silently down the path, finding the grave I want near the back. It’s away from others, with a huge angel reaching into the sky and a bench before it. I sit, and so does Roxy, her hand still in mine, her shoulder pressing against me as she undoubtedly reads the stone.
My mother’s.
“She wasn’t a bad woman, she loved us deeply. I think Ryder forgets that sometimes. He did pay for this, though, to look after her in death. I come here a lot to speak to her, to feel close to her. To never forget where we come from and the strength of love and bonds,” I whisper into the dark.
“Kenzo,” she whispers, pressing closer.
“She would have loved you, you know?” I grin. I used to find sadness here, but not now. I find it peaceful, my escape. I miss her, I always will, but she wasn’t made for this world. Too soft, too loving, too caring. My father destroyed it all. I will never let Ryder become that. He protects us, and I keep him humble…well, I try.
“You think?” she queries, seeming surprised. “I’m not exactly…on your level, babe.”
I snort. “She came from the streets. I guess I never told you that. She ran away from her father at fifteen after he raped her one too many times. She told me once when I was upset about my father, and I didn’t understand why she stayed.” She presses closer still, as if her presence can ward off the bad memories.
“He found her on the streets, saw her beauty. He lavished her with money and gifts at first, protecting her like no one else ever had. That’s why she stayed at first, darling, to be safe. Then, she remained because of us. She might have been weak, but she was also strong, so strong, because she stayed in a monster’s lair to protect us, to love us, even when it led to her death,” I whisper. Roxy sighs, and when I look over, there are tears in her eyes. “Roxy, she was strong, and so are you. But you’re stronger, so much stronger, and you are smart, savvy, beautiful, and kind, yet you also know how to hold your own. You’re mean, you’re angry, and so fucking amazing. If you want, this can be your spot, too, when it all gets to be too much. When you hate them, when you’re mad, you can come here. I’ll always bring you, even if you don’t wanna talk to me.”
I look back at the grave then, but she reaches out, cups my cheek, and turns my head. I lean my forehead against hers. “Thank you, Kenzo,” she whispers, before kissing me tenderly. “I can feel how much she loved you and you her. She was so lucky for that and so were you.”
“I know.” I grin softly.
“Tell me about her?” she requests, and kisses me again before leaning her head on my shoulder. There, under the moon, I tell her stories of my mother. Ones I have never spoken. Ryder doesn’t want to hear them, they hurt him. He won’t admit it, but he never forgave her for leaving him, for not saving us. I did. So it’s nice to share them with someone.
With my girl who laughs with me, and when I finally cry, holds me. Wrapping me in her arms and stroking my hair, she rains kisses down on my head. “I’m falling in love with you, darling,” I murmur, and she freezes.
“Don’t, love has a way of changing to hate,” she whispers fearfully, and I lift my head. It’s my turn to hold her.
“We started with hate, baby, I don’t think it’s going to go the other way for us. Love can hurt, I know that.” I look to the grave pointedly. “But it also gave me those stories, which I treasure to this day. Anyway, it’s not something you can stop, Rox.” I grin widely. “It’s happening, so get on board.” I wink, making her laugh.
“Idiot.”
“Ahh, it’s better than asshole, which is what you usually call me.”
“Oh, you’re still that too,” she whispers, as I kiss her again. “I’m scared,” she admits.
“I know, so are we. But you have never been one to let fear stop you, and neither have we.”
She nods, and we go back to sitting side by side, lost in our own thoughts, our bodies tangled together under the night sky. I should return home, the others will be worried, but I want to steal one more moment with just her and me. Because tonight, I have seen more of the real Roxy, of the person she tries to hide, the one her father tried to beat out of her, than I have since she came to me.
Us.
Every time I find another piece of this woman, I fall harder. The question is, will she love me back?
Chapter Thirty-Three
GARRETT
We all heard Kenzo and Roxy return. I peeked over the balcony to see him kiss her deeply at her door before telling her to get some sleep. He’d been grinning wide, happier than I’ve ever seen him. He didn’t even notice me staring as he went into his room.
Lovesick fool.
Rolling my eyes, I slam my door and lie in bed, my arm tucked under my head but, like always, I’m unable to sleep. When I do, it’s always to memories, those memories. Is it not bad enough I see the physical scars from it? I have to relive it every fucking night.
Closing my eyes, I force myself to sleep, I have no choice, but like I expected, the nightmare takes hold.
I can smell my own blood. It coats the air, as do my screams. I held strong at first, but as more and more of my skin was carved away from my body while she laughed, I couldn’t stop it. They flowed from me, my screams of agony.
She grins down at me madly, those blue eyes I once loved dark with greed and lust. Lust for my pain, my death. She thinks it will get her what she desires. I want to give in, to fall into that light warmth calling to me, but I fight it. I need to get free, to kill her before the others find her. They will torture her, they will make it hurt…and despite it all, part of me still loves her.
Even now, as her blade flashes in the light as it comes back down on my chest, slicing through more of my muscle, flaying it away, I care for her.
Struggling in the chains, I fight her while she giggles. “Oh, Garrett, always the fighter until the end. I love that about you, you know? Seeing the pain you caused, all that blood on your body as you fought them.” She groans, grinding on me and making me gag. “But I was wrong. You’re weak, fucking pathetic. Just a dumb rich guy, not like me at all.” The ring on her finger I gave her a few hours ago shines in the light as she holds up the knife coated with my blood.