—？ November
Much as I hate to sully these pages with melodrama, the reality is that these may be the last words I write. I don’t know how much time I have, nor how much longer I shall be able to hold this pen, so I will attempt to be concise.
Last night （if last night it was; the movement of time is impossible to gauge in Faerie）， I woke to the sound of the accursed tree Bambleby summoned scraping at the fabric of the tent, and the echoes of the bogles in their death throes, as if the tree had gathered up their screams and kept them like souvenirs. Well, try sleeping after that.
I fumbled for my pocket watch, and found it was not yet six. Dawn was a long, long way off.
I looked round for Shadow, and found the turncoat curled up against Bambleby. The dog lifted his head, though, at the sound of my stirring. Wendell was little more than a pile of blankets—he had the lion’s share of them, and still awoke complaining of the cold. I could just make out a tuft of gold sticking out from a crack between two quilts.
I went outside, thinking that I might rouse the fire and have an early breakfast. The horses were pressed up against each other, their rumps facing the banked coals.
Above us, the aurora was bleeding.
I stood frozen. The long ribbons of white unfurled all the way to the ground, growing filmier as they went. The green and blue of the aurora was unaffected. It was as if something were drawing the silvery whiteness to earth, like fingers pulling paint down a canvas, to a place just beyond the curve of the mountain—less than a mile away.
For several minutes, I did nothing, merely stood there, carding through possibilities and plans. Once I had chosen a course, I thought on it for several minutes more. Then I ducked back into the tent and dressed, tucking my notebook into my pocket out of habit. I took out the golden chain I kept tucked at the bottom of my book bag, which I had managed to keep hidden from Bambleby this whole time. It has long been a source of amusement to me that he’s never had any suspicions about Shadow.
I placed the collar end of the chain around Shadow’s neck. He sat up, perfectly silent, understanding my intention in that uncanny way of his.
Wendell did not stir, and given his habits, I doubted he would anytime soon. I draped my own blankets overtop him, to further increase his comfort. In addition to his hair, an elbow, a cheekbone, and a dark-lashed eye were visible.
I brushed my fingers through his hair—partly because I’d always nursed a foolish desire to do so, and partly by way of apology. After all, I might not return from my errand, and if so, he would never forgive me. He might not forgive me if I did, but I could not risk taking him along after that display of his yesterday. Like all the Folk, Wendell is unpredictable, and I had no way of knowing if he would fly into another deranged fury if one of the courtly fae laid a finger on me, and land us in trouble from which we could not extricate ourselves. He had admitted before that he didn’t know if he was a match for them. Despite his power, there was only one of him—and that could easily be one too many, given his utter lack of self-control.
No, in this case, I needed levelheadedness, and for that, I could count only on myself.
I donned my snowshoes and set out with Shadow at my side. The leash kept the dog close to me, no farther than the space of three of my strides. I glanced back only once—one of the horses eyed me with a sort of relieved disgust—I was mad, but I hadn’t forced him to leave the warmth of the coals, at least. The murderous tree leaned itself over the tent like a doting mother, looking obscenely fat and somehow pleased with itself. The sight was enough to tamp down my doubts.
We walked and walked, my snowshoes softly crunching through the crust of ice laid over the drifts. The mountains slumbered, disturbed only by the fitful touch of the wind, which skimmed small fogs of snow from their slopes. The aurora tumbled to the ground in bursts like silver rain. It was falling into a valley between two great roots of a jagged mountain.
I became aware that we had been walking a long time without our destination growing any closer. We were outside the enchantment, and I needed a way in. I let the leash unfurl so that Shadow strode four paces away from me, then five. Slowly, the light grew near.
We had stepped into their realm.
As soon as I was certain, I drew Shadow to me again. As we moved deeper into the faerie world, Shadow had grown larger. He was now twice the size, his muzzle coming up to my chest. His snout was sharper, wolfish, his paws enormous. But he followed me as calmly as ever, his black eyes trusting.
I climbed carefully up the last slope, bending low. I found a volcanic boulder to crouch behind, and peeped out.
Below us was a frozen lake. It was perfectly round, a great gleaming eye in which the moon and stars were mirrored. Lanterns glowing the same cold white as the aurora dangled from lampposts made of ice, which framed paths from the lake’s edge to a scattering of benches and merchant-stands, draped in bright awnings of opal and blue. Delicious smells floated on the wind—smoked fish; fire-roasted nuts and candies; spiced cakes. A winter fair.[*1]
The Folk gliding upon the ice and strolling easily from stand to stand were not as strange as I had expected. In fact, when I fixed my eyes upon them directly, they looked perfectly mortal, if a little too lovely and graceful. But when viewed slantwise, they were figures of ice and ashes, ashes gone grey and frozen, knife-slender wraiths that at times were not even there, becoming features in the landscape, a phenomenon I had observed with Poe. Their hair was universally silky and white, not like human hair at all, but that of a snow fox or hare, and their eyebrows too, while some had a fine cover of the same hair, or perhaps it was fur, visible on the backs of their hands that disappeared beneath their cuffs.
I heard no music. The Folk upon the ice danced and glided to the same song, that much was clear, but Shadow’s presence made me oblivious to it. Naturally, there was a part of me that wished it were otherwise; that I could have been like Odysseus, tied to the mast of his ship. But I had no ship, and no sailors to stop me from drowning myself.
I itched for my notebook and camera. I suppose it was cold of me, with Lilja and Margret down there possibly being devoured, but I have vowed to be honest in these pages, even to the last. For some time, I simply watched the Folk and thought nothing about the girls. I thought of Bouchard’s discovery of a curious stone slab in Rosetta, and Gadamer peeping through the trees at the goblin city. Was this what they had felt? It was awe, of course, mingled with stunned disbelief. I suppose that when one spends their career working towards a goal, constructing all sorts of fantasies about what that goal will look and feel like, one is left a little senseless when the scaffolding comes crashing down around them.
Eventually, I forced my thoughts back to the missing girls. It did not take long to find two mortals among a sea of Folk alternately beautiful and horrifying—there they were, gliding together on the ice. They could have been two ordinary young people in love, Margret’s pretty head resting on Lilja’s shoulder. But they moved like dolls on strings, and their smiles were blank and insipid. Occasionally, Lilja would look up, and a frown of confusion would push through the smile. I took heart from this, that there might still be something of them to save.
I didn’t try to sneak into the fair—how utterly pointless that would have been. I simply plastered my own blank smile onto my face and wandered over.