‘“Trust your heart. You’ll know the one.”
‘Ma famille hadn’t owned so much as a sheep when I was a lad. It was only the nobleborn who could dream of keeping beasts as fine as these. Marvelling at the fortune that saw me gifted my own sword and steed on the same day, I stepped into the pen. And there in the throng, I found him. His stare was deep as midnight; his shaggy coat, darkest ebony. His mane was tied in thick plaits, his tail the same, switching from side to side as I approached. I realized he was the same gelding that the talented sisternovice had been drawing, and glancing in her direction, I found her dark eyes upon me again. She seemed to bristle as I closed in on the horse. But still, I did.
‘“Hello, boy,” I murmured.
‘He took the sugar cube I offered. Nickering, he nuzzled my face in search of more, and I stroked the shaggy satin of his cheek, laughing for joy.’
Gabriel shook his head.
‘Cynics say there’s no such thing as love at first sight. But I loved that fucking horse the moment I met him. And feeding him another cube, I knew I’d made a friend for life.
‘“What’s your name?” I asked, bewildered at his beauty.
‘“His name is Justice.”
‘Turning, I saw the sisternovice had spoken, furious now. But before I could ask what I’d done to earn her ire, the prioress’s voice cut the air. “Sisternovice Astrid, be silent!”
‘“I will not.” Her drawings spilled as the girl stood, and I saw every sketch was of this same horse. “Why should this peasant have Justice’s keeping? I—”
‘The girl’s words were cut off by the prioress’s slap.–
‘“How dare you take tone with me,” Charlotte glowered. “A sister of the Silver Priory owns no goods. She covets no earthly possession. And she obeys her betters.”
‘“I am not a sister of the Silver Priory,” the girl spat, defiant.
‘I winced as the prioress brought the girl to her knees with another slap, her scarred face twisting as she snarled, “Continue with this insolence, and you never will be!”
‘“Good! I never wanted to be here!”
‘“That much is plain! But there are two places in this world for a bastard daughter, Astrid Rennier! Before God’s altar on her knees, or in a brothel on her back!”
‘An awful still settled over the stables. Astrid stared up at the prioress, furious. I looked to Khalid, but one glance told me he wouldn’t intercede. So, fool that I was …
‘“I beg pardon,” I said. “If the horse belongs to the good demoiselle—”
‘“She is no demoiselle,” the prioress spat. “She is a sisternovice of the Silver Priory. She owns nothing, save the cloth on her back. She deserves nothing, save the punishment she is due. And unless you wish to share it, you would do well to mind your tongue.”
‘“Stand down, de León,” Khalid commanded.
‘I looked to the abbot, uncertain. The prioress reached into her sleeve and drew out a leather thong tipped with a short spur of iron.
‘“Beg God’s forgiveness,” she commanded the girl.
‘The novice only glared. “I beg for nothi—”
‘Her words became a strangled cry as the thong landed across her back.
‘“Beg it, whorechild!”
‘The girl lifted her head and spat in fury. “Fuck you.”
‘A gasp rang out among the novices. I was astonished at the hate in the girl’s eyes, bewildered at her stubbornness. But more and most, sickened at the violence being done to her. I knew what it was to suffer a beating like that. I knew the courage it took to bear it without a sound. The strap fell six more times, and still, the girl refused to yield. So finally, fearing she wouldn’t beg until it killed her, I begged instead.
‘“Prioress, stop, please! If punishment must be meted—”
‘Strong fingers took hold of my arm, so hard I winced. Turning, I found Abbot Khalid behind me. “This is not your place to speak, Initiate.”
‘“Abbot, this is cruelty beyond—”
‘His grip tightened, so hard I could feel my bones groaning. “Not. Your. Place.”
‘I felt a cur. My mouth gone sour and my belly turned cold. But with that crushing hold on my arm, and only a boy after all, I dared not speak again. Charlotte kept striking, the scars on her face turning a livid red with her rage. My stomach churned as those awful cracks rang in the stillness. And finally, like anyone would have, the girl broke.
‘“Godsakes, stop!”
‘“Do you beg the Almighty’s forgiveness, Astrid Rennier?”
‘Crack.
‘“Oui!”
‘Crack.
‘“Beg, then!”
‘“I’m sorry!” she screamed. “I beg God forgive me!”
‘The prioress finally eased back, her voice like ice. “Get up.”
‘I looked on helpless as the weeping girl took a moment to gather her strength. And then she struggled upright, arms wrapped about her. I glanced among the sisternovices and saw fear of the prioress in their eyes. Fear of God above all. There was only one who seemed truly concerned – the tiny girl with green eyes and freckles, who looked at Astrid with the same pity I felt in my own heart. But Prioress Charlotte clearly felt none.
‘“You will learn your place, whorechild. Do you hear me?”
‘“O-oui, Prioress,” the girl whispered.
‘“That goes for all of you!” Charlotte rounded on her charges, fervour flashing in her eyes. “You are promised to God now. You will serve him and His Church as faithful wives should. Or you will answer to me, and hell itself!”
‘The woman glowered at me as if inviting reply. But though the words roiled behind my teeth, Abbot Khalid still held my arm. And so, I stayed mute.
‘“My apologies for the unseemly display, Abbot,” Charlotte said, lips thin.
‘“Unnecessary, Prioress,” Khalid replied. “The sheep that stray are prey for wolves.”
‘“Just so.” The thin woman nodded curtly at the Testaments quote, turned to her novices. “Come along then, girls. We shall spend the day in silent contemplation. Sisternovice Chloe, assist Sisternovice Astrid.”
‘The small freckled girl nodded, helped her fellow novice collect her things. Astrid’s hands were shaking. She met my eyes briefly – a clouded, fleeting glance stained with tears. It was only when they were out of sight that Khalid released his grip on my arm.
‘“A strong will shall serve you well on the Hunt, young brother,” he said softly. “And a good heart shall prove a shield against the perils of the dark. But if ever you question my orders again, I will drag you to the wheel and flay the skin right off your back. You are a servant of God. But you are my soldier now. Do you understand?”
‘I looked into Khalid’s eyes to see if he was angry, but his voice was matter-of-fact, his stare steady. The Abbot of the Ordo Argent didn’t rage. Didn’t raise his voice. It was at that moment I learned a true leader didn’t need to.
‘“Oui, Abbot,” I bowed.