* * *
Charlie was calling her again. It was the second time in as many minutes. Kim sat in the passenger seat next to Rohan, Zoe fast asleep in the back. From the bushland surrounding them, she knew they were still at least half an hour from Marralee. Her phone rang from the center console. Kim glanced over at Rohan. His eyes were on the road.
“Are you going to get that?” Rohan didn’t look at her when he spoke.
Kim wasn’t sure what the right answer was. The ringing continued.
“Get it.” Rohan’s voice was as steady as ever. “Don’t want to keep Charlie waiting.”
Kim reached for her phone, and as her fingers closed around it, Rohan glanced in the rearview mirror. It was fast, but she caught it, as she was meant to.
“Perhaps keep it short, though, yeah? Your baby’s asleep in the back.”
Your baby. Kim’s stomach lurched with a force that made her want to double over. Your baby. Not our baby.
Rohan nodded at the ringing phone. “Charlie wants you.”
“I’ll get rid of him.”
The words came readily. Kim’s thoughts were spiraling, but her response was automatic, and somewhere amid the noise she found herself clinging to a small, solid truth. I know how to keep my husband happy. Consciously or not, she had perfected the art. Rohan had spent their marriage training her in it. So for better or worse, she possessed those skills. She knew what to do, and she could do it now. Kim concentrated, lifted a finger, and answered the call.
“Kim. Hey.” Charlie’s face appeared on the phone. He sounded a little surprised, and Kim couldn’t blame him. He rarely called these days. It was even rarer that she picked up.
“Hi, Charlie.” She swallowed. Her voice sounded strange to her own ears and she sensed Rohan glance over. Charlie didn’t seem to notice. As he adjusted the angle of the phone, Kim caught a glimpse of the vineyard kitchen. She’d spent so much time there that it still felt like hers, and a wave of homesickness washed over her. Greg and Rita were there, too, she could see, and a tall man she didn’t know. Her elder daughter edged her way onto the screen, and Kim felt the familiar pang deep in her chest. “Hello, Zara, sweetheart.”
“Where are you?” Charlie was saying. “Still in the car?”
“Yeah. We’re—ah—” She couldn’t think. Still thirty long minutes from town. “Near the eastern bridge now. Listen, Charlie, what’s up? It’s not a great time, Zoe’s asleep in the back.”
She caught the swift flash of jealousy in Zara’s eyes and had the overwhelming urge to reach through the screen and take her daughter’s perfect troubled face in her hands. Oh, Zara, you silly, beautiful girl. Zoe has never, ever replaced you. You must know that, don’t you?
But Zara was already looking away, and Charlie was wearing that odd fixed smile he had when he was trying to pretend he was fine, and suddenly it all felt so wrong that Kim could barely stand it.
See, Rohan? she wanted to scream at her husband, even as she pressed her lips tightly together. Nothing for you to get all upset about. I chose you over them, didn’t I? Look! Right here. Look at my broken relationships with my daughter and her father. What more could you want?
Rohan knew her well enough to read her silence. “Calm down, Kim,” he murmured. His face didn’t even change.
“That Rohan there?” Charlie cleared his throat on the other end of the phone. He was trying, Kim could tell. He had always tried. “Congratulations on the little one, mate.”
For a horrifying moment Kim felt completely, wholly blank. What was a normal reaction to that? She twisted the phone screen so Charlie could see her husband. Rohan nodded and raised a hand.
“Thanks, mate,” Rohan said, so pleasant and measured that it made Kim feel light-headed. “Sorry, we had better keep it down, though, if that’s all right.”
He glanced in the mirror again, for longer this time, and something about the way his eyes settled on Zoe sent a jolt of fear through Kim. Rohan wouldn’t actually hurt them. Would he? No. Surely not. He was upset, but Kim really couldn’t believe he would cross that line. But, the reservoir—Kim slammed that door shut. Later. She could not think about that now. Still, this conversation felt very wrong. She needed it to be over, so she could sit carefully in the car, not moving, not speaking, until they emerged from this dense, empty bushland and were back in town, on solid and familiar ground.
“Charlie.” Kim aimed for brisk and cool. “We’ll talk later, okay? I’ll see you and Zara soon, anyway.”
“Hang on, Kim, it’s actually about you coming by tonight. We’re not going to be around, sorry.”
There was a pause in which Kim could hear only the blood rushing in her ears.
“Was that tonight?” Rohan said, and Kim simply stared at him.
“Yes. Remember?” Her own voice seemed odd. They would be able to tell. She put her hand over the phone to muffle the sound.
“But I can’t,” Rohan said, still perfectly normal. “I’m meeting my parents.”
Kim blinked at him, entirely unsure for once how he wanted her to react. “I was going to stop in while you’re at the restaurant,” she tried.
Zara had elbowed her way closer to the screen now, chattering fast about something. Going out with her friends, Kim guessed. She took her hand away so she could hear better.
“—and I’ve already said I’d meet them. So that’s okay, isn’t it?”
Kim didn’t know how to answer. No. Jesus, it was not okay. Not at all. She wanted Zara and Charlie to be at the vineyard tonight. She wanted them to be waiting for her and her baby to ring their doorbell. She needed them to be worried if she was late, and to ask questions if she didn’t show up. What she really needed was to step through that door like she used to, and lock it firmly behind her as she had so many times before, and feel safe, the way she always had when they were still a family.
“I mean…” Zara faltered. Kim saw her silent appeal to Charlie for support. “Dad’s got to cover the festival stall, anyway.”
Kim couldn’t think how to respond. Not a single appropriate word came to her. It felt like she was silent for a long time. Too long, she realized as Rohan shifted his hands on the steering wheel.
“So neither of you will be home tonight?” she managed. “You’re both going out to the festival?”
“Yeah,” Charlie said. “Sorry.”
“What about Rita and Greg?”
“All of us are going.”
“Oh.” Shit. “Okay—” Kim was still trying to work out how to object, but Zara was too quick.
“Okay? Great, thanks, Mum.”
Kim could see her daughter smiling. She made herself take a breath and focus. They were still a long way from town. No one would be at the vineyard tonight. She tried to think.
“Charlie?” She thought she sounded pretty close to normal, but maybe not, because she could sense her husband on high alert now. Had he sped up the car? It felt very fast around the bends. “You and Zara can’t wait for me?”
“Look, Kim, not really. I’m sorry, but we’ll rearrange. I’ve got to do the stall. And Zara’s sixteen, she wants to hang out with her mates tonight. You remember what—”