“What happened with you two?” asks Cooper.
I press my lips together. “Fuck.”
Dad walks through the doors. He looks a lot more tired than I realized earlier. Older, too, than how I usually see him. When he sees the three of us standing together, he walks over. His hand settles on my shoulder, squeezing, and I feel my eyes burning, so I look down at the floor.
“The point is, your mother didn’t want me there,” he says. “If I’d tried to blow off a game to be with her, she’d have told me to get lost and go play. Her sister took care of her when I couldn’t be there. She understood that I had responsibilities I couldn’t ignore, even where my wife was concerned. She knew that we had to arrange our lives around the sport as long as I played it, and not everyone can handle that. I loved her for it then, and I love her for it now.”
“Um,” Cooper says, “what’s going on?”
I ignore him, shaking Dad’s hand off my shoulder. “Is that what you told Bex?”
“Not in as many words.”
“But you told her that she has to shut herself away for me.”
“Not shut herself away,” he says. “I just told her the reality. It takes a lot of compromise, son, making something like this work. I wanted to make sure she knew.”
I raise my eyes to meet his. “You didn’t have the right.”
“Someone had to know, because clearly you forget.”
“No. Screw that.” I clench my jaw, trying to swallow down the pain in my tone. “You knew how I feel about her, and you put that in jeopardy. You had no goddamn right to do that. If I lose her because of this, I’m never forgiving you.”
“If you lose her because of this, she wasn’t meant to be yours in the first place.”
“Jesus, Dad,” Coop says.
“Richard,” says Seb.
If there’s one thing I’m not about to do, it’s start crying in front of my father and brothers. I turn on my heel and stride to the elevator, pulling my phone out of my pocket. I call Bex, but the phone goes straight to voicemail. I try again and get the same result.
After the third time, I throw the phone against the elevator doors.
43
BEX
“You’re not going to report him? Are you serious? He was such a creep to you.” Laura says as she settles back on her lounge chair. She’s still in Florida for winter break. I’m so jealous that she gets to wear a bikini right now, whereas I just came in from shoveling snow in front of the diner, but I’m trying hard not to show it because knowing her, she’d just offer to buy me a plane ticket to Naples. Before the game, I probably would have pretty much lived at James’ place during the winter break, but now I’m on Aunt Nicole’s couch. The only upside? The apartment rehab is almost finished, so soon, Mom and I will be able to move back in. We’ve been hunting for some used furniture for the place since everything was smoke damaged and had to be thrown out.
I pick at my sweater. The diner is open, but with the snow, I’m not expecting very many customers, so right now I’m curled up in a booth in the back, laptop on the table. The real story about why James didn’t make the throw to Darryl hasn’t come out, and I don’t think it will. But even though James and I are on a break, the issue with Darryl hasn’t gone away. At the very least, both are facing suspensions, and that could get worse for Darryl if I report his sexual misconduct.
In the week and a half since the game, the diner has been just the dose of reality I needed. My life isn’t fancy football games and playing around with photography. It’s waking up early to meet suppliers and staying long after the diner closes to go over the books.
Only now it’s missing James, too. If I’m not focused every single second of the day, I just revert to wishing I was with him. The urge to call him comes up about ten times every hour. I know I’m being unfair, pretty much ignoring him, but whenever I pick up the phone, I just think of the moment he gave up the game for me and want to cry.
Even if we stayed together, eventually he would realize that I’m not worth those kinds of sacrifices. And if he never figures it out, then he might end up doing something that will mess up his career.
I love him, and I have no fucking idea what to do without him in my life. But if it’s between preserving his future and being selfish, I’d rather watch him from afar than ruin things for him by his side.
“I know,” I tell Laura, mentally shaking myself out of my train of thought. “But they might expel him.”
“Good.”
“Is it though?” I look at Laura. While I appreciate the steadfast support, I’m not sure it’s what I need to hear right now. “I don’t want to completely ruin his life.”
“He tried to ruin yours. He kissed you without your consent and tried to make you break up with your boyfriend! He’s an asshole.”
“Yeah, well.” I bite my lip to keep it from wobbling. “We have history. He’s not all bad.”
“If you tell them, they might not suspend James.” She shades her eyes, leaning in a bit. “He didn’t start the fight, so he shouldn’t even be suspended in the first place, but if they know the whole context, how could they? He didn’t break any official rules by messing up that throw. Darryl’s the one who hurt you and then fought him, that’s breaking the rules.”
“I guess.”
“Even if you’re on a break or whatever—which you know I think is stupid—”
I sigh. “Yes.”
“—You owe it to James and to yourself to report it. You can’t just let Darryl get away with that kind of shitty behavior. He shouldn’t get suspended and then be able to make up the credits over the summer, come on.”
“I know you’re right,” I admit.
“So what’s the problem?”
“I don’t know!” I burst out. “I feel like he already got punished, I guess. James took care of that.”
“That’s not the same as a real consequence. Who’s to say he wouldn’t do the same thing to someone else? Or worse? Maybe getting expelled would be the wakeup call he needs.”
“You’re right.” I pull my sleeves over my hands. It’s cold in the diner; that’s something I should investigate. Maybe there’s something wrong with the heater. I hope not, because that would mean spending money we don’t have to fix it.
“You don’t know he’ll get expelled,” she adds. “You’d report it and the student discipline council or whatever would figure it out.”
I know Laura’s right. Even though Darryl only kissed me, in that moment, I was afraid he’d do something worse. Maybe if we had been truly alone, he would have tried it. But the thought of reporting the whole incident feels… embarrassing, I guess.
“I fell for his shit and put myself in a position to let him do this.”
Laura shakes her head. “Tell me you’re not saying you think this is your fault.”
“I shouldn’t have agreed to talk to him.”
“You’re not in control of his actions. He chose to kiss you without your say-so. He chose to punch James. He chose to do all of this, Bex! Let him deal with the consequences!”