I never did get to find out whether Kevin minded me going or not, because almost as soon as we arrived in Belize, he hooked up with the only other single girl on the trip, and the two of them quickly became inseparable, leaving me and Smithy alone for the majority of the time. We visited Mayan ruins and caught glimpses of crocodiles laid up on riverbanks when we went on a boat trip through the jungle. We saw butterflies as big as our hands and tiny, jewel-bright hummingbirds. Rays and multicoloured fish swam past as we snorkelled, and dolphins arced out of the sea. We ate local food, drank local beer. It was fabulous. Apart from Smithy developing a crush on me.
On our final night, everyone danced on the sand to the music of a local band. When the music turned romantic, Smithy grabbed me.
“I’m sorry we didn’t get to see any manatees,” he said, holding me close.
I tried a joke. “It’s not your fault they’re shy.”
But Smithy’s face was suddenly serious, and I knew he was going to kiss me.
“It’s been a fantastic trip,” I said, trying to keep things light.
“It wouldn’t have been nearly as good without you,” he said, lowering his head.
For a fraction of a second, I thought about letting him kiss me. About kissing him back. Smithy was a really nice guy, and it wasn’t as if Mark returned my feelings. In fact, he was totally oblivious to them. Why not go out with Smithy?
But then I tried to picture us back home, Smithy’s arm around me as we sat in the pub with our friends, and I just couldn’t do it. So I pulled back.
Smithy’s hands tightened on my shoulders. He looked down at me. “It’s Mark, isn’t it?” he said. “You’re in love with Mark.”
I thought about denying it. But in the end, I just said, “Don’t say anything, will you?”
And he sighed and let me go. “You should tell him,” he advised me.
I shook my head. “He doesn’t see me that way. Never has.”
“So, what? You’re going to spend your whole life pining for the guy?”
“Of course not. Eventually my feelings for him will go away. I’ll meet someone and be able to move on.”
“Just not me, eh? I get it.”
I put the guidebook to Belize back on the bookshelf. Smithy worked abroad somewhere now, and as far as I knew, he was still unmarried. As for Mark, well . . . It had been a while since I’d heard from him. Grace still hadn’t forgiven me for breaking up with Jaimie, which must have made it difficult for Mark to get in touch. Plus, he was busy with his fledgling business. Was Sylvia right about him keeping his grief unhealthily bottled up? I hoped he was okay.
Perhaps I should take my travel guides to a charity shop so someone else could make use of them. Make space in the bookcase for children’s books.
21
“Who do we have here?” Clive, my boss, asked. “Blazer, is it?”
I stroked the blaze of white on the collie cross’s neck, which had no doubt inspired his name. “Yes, that’s right, poor boy.”
Clive removed his Santa hat and finished scrubbing his hands. “I think he should be all right. I’m fairly confident I can completely remove that tumour. So long as the cancer hasn’t spread to any other organs, he’ll soon be chasing balls around the park again. Won’t you, boy? Yes, you will.”
I smiled as Blazer’s tail thumped. All animals adored Clive, even when he did dreadful things to them, like administer the kennel cough vaccine up their nostrils or manipulate their sore legs to find out which movements caused them the most pain.
The tumour on Blazer’s hindquarters was standing out in its full glory because I’d already shaved the fur around it for surgery, and now, while Clive checked the instruments I’d laid out for him, I inserted the cannula that would take the anaesthetic into a vein in the dog’s shaved leg.
“Is she hurting you, you poor boy?” joked Clive. “She can be like that, you know. She has a vicious side to her. But don’t worry, I’ll protect you.”
Blazer’s tail thumped again as Clive spoke in a silly tone of voice, then stilled as the anaesthetic took effect. Clive placed a surgical drape over the patient, leaving the tumour site exposed.
“You look a bit tired today, if you don’t mind my saying so,” he said to me.
“I didn’t sleep very well. Too much churning around in my head.”
“Adoption stuff?”
“Mostly.”
Clive nodded and picked up his scalpel. “Okay, vital signs still all right?”
“Yes, all good.”
“Right. Blazer, old boy, we’re going in.”
We didn’t speak after that, apart from about what we were doing. Clive always gave his patients his complete attention, and I was busy too, monitoring Blazer’s vital signs, watching Clive’s skilled hands in action. I always enjoyed assisting with surgery, being an important part of a team. I’d missed the work so much while I’d been away in Ely.
In less than fifteen minutes, the procedure to remove the tumour was complete. “Okay, we’ll get that sent off to the lab, though I’ve no doubt in my mind they’ll say it’s malignant. I still think he’ll pull through okay, though—I couldn’t detect any sign it had spread at all. Yes, I predict another sparkling success story, if I do say so myself.”
Accustomed as I was to Clive’s lighthearted blowing of his own trumpet, I smiled, glad Blazer was going to be all right.
“What about you?” Clive went on, preparing to suture the wound. “Have you got the feeling your adoption application is going to be a sparkling success story too?”
I pulled a face. “It’s too early to say. She—the social worker—wants me to get more experience with children. I’ve got to look for volunteering opportunities.”
“You can borrow my kids whenever you like,” Clive offered. “Or better still, I could put you in touch with Jake.”
“Who’s Jake?”
“How can you not know Jake? He’s the patron saint of young people in these parts. He runs local youth projects. My kids love him. I’ll give you his contact details.”
“Thanks, although I guess as I’m looking to adopt a younger child, I need to approach some nurseries and primary schools too.”
“Sure. The head teacher at the infant school is Mr. Khan. Siamese cat with a broken tail. Had to do an amputation. Nice guy.”
“You know everybody.”
“You’d know him yourself if you’d been around last year. It was during the dark reign of She We Never Speak Of.”
“Awful Angela?”
“That’s the one.” Clive finished suturing Blazer’s flank. “There you are, old boy,” he said. “All done.”
Then, as we got Blazer ready to carry to the kennels to recuperate: “I do hope you won’t be leaving us when you adopt? We couldn’t manage without you again.”
“Don’t worry, I’ll need the salary as a single parent. I might need to jiggle my hours around if I’m going to volunteer at a school, though.”
“That’s all right. Jiggle away. Just don’t leave me again. Ever. All right?”