I clench my phone in my hand, sorrow filling my heart. She fucking broke me, and now she has the gall to text me? The worst thing is that my first instinct is to text her back. To ask her if she’s okay. If something happened. If she needs me.
But I’m no longer the person who fulfils that role. I’m not the person she chose.
I’m absentminded and angry as I walk into my bedroom. Elena sits up in my bed, and I freeze, feeling guilty as hell all of a sudden. When Jen texted me, for just a couple of seconds, I forgot I even got married.
Elena smiles at me, and my heart wrenches. She looks so fucking beautiful sitting in my bed like that, the sheets at her waist and her sexy silk nightgown on display. “Hey, you’re home,” she says.
I nod and force a smile onto my face. Elena Rousseau… I married Matthew’s sister for a reason, so why haven’t I made use of her yet? Why haven’t I thrown her in Matthew and Jennifer’s face yet? Part of me wants to keep her hidden, keep her here in my home, where she’s safe from the press, the rumors, the pressures she’ll face as my wife. But I can’t. I didn’t marry her to protect her. I married her so I could use her. So I could use her as a weapon against Matthew, as a shield against my grandfather’s terms.
My eyes roam over her face. She’s so damn beautiful, and she looks so fucking innocent. But then again, she knew what she was getting into by marrying me. I’ve never made her false promises.
I start to unbutton my shirt and pause when I feel her gaze on me. I look up to find Elena staring at me, a sweet smile on her face. There’s not even a hint of ruthlessness in her eyes, only innocence. She might have known what she was getting into, but she didn’t have much of a choice, and I bet she underestimated how hard life would be as a Kennedy—as my wife.
I sigh and walk out of view to undress before walking into the shower. I press the water curtain button, obscuring myself. Water pours down on top of me, and I lean back against the wall.
If I hadn’t married Elena, what would I have done? Would I be going running to Jen right now? And if I did, would it matter? I’ve spent months missing her and hating her, wanting her. Now that she’s finally reached out, I’m in no position to even reply.
I close my eyes as memories assail me. I fucking loved Jennifer with all my heart. I never used to believe in marriage, considering what my parents’ marriage looks like. I don’t even know a single happily married couple, and I wanted no part of that. But then there was Jen. She was merely one of my employees when we met, but she became everything to me. She was different. She saw life through different eyes, and she taught me to enjoy the little things in life in a way I’d never done before. I still don’t know if it was all a sham, if any of it was ever real.
My mood is ruined as I get out of the shower. I can barely even face Elena. My conscience is weighing heavily on me tonight. I’ve got Elena in my bed, but it’s Jennifer that’s on my mind. It should be my wife that I’m focused on, but all I can think about is whether Jen is okay.
The way Elena looks at me as I walk towards the bed wearing nothing more than boxers would usually have me rock hard already, but today all it does is increase the guilt I feel. The thought of using her makes me feel filthy. I lie down in bed and grab my tablet, using it to close the curtains and turn off the main lights.
“That’s impressive.”
I smile tightly and turn onto my side to look at her, propping my head up on my elbow.
“How was your day?” she asks, her voice soft.
I turn to look at her. That smile of hers, no matter what happens, no matter what I say… it rarely wavers. I didn’t think she’d dare make small talk after the way I reprimanded her the first time, but she acts like my viciousness doesn’t affect her, like it amuses her.
“Tiring. Yours?”
Her smile widens, and my heart wrenches. “I went to see my mom this afternoon. I haven’t had a chance to say this to you, but her new room is perfect, the new facility is amazing.”
I nod. “I’m glad to hear it. I’m flying in a few renowned physicians that might be able to help her. Apparently, Carter Clarke’s wife convinced him to loan us one of the doctors his company employs. I don’t want to get your hopes up yet, but I want you to know I’ll do whatever I can to assist your mother’s recovery.”
The way she smiles at me, the trust and hope in her eyes, it guts me. When she married me, she had no choice. She’s not in this for selfish reasons, she married me to save her mother’s life. Can I really use someone with motivations that pure?
“Thank you,” she says, her eyes filled with genuine gratitude.
I nod at her. “Elena, we’ll need to stage our first few proper dates within the next few weeks. We’ll be portraying a whirlwind relationship and a lavish engagement and wedding. Are you ready?”
She nods, her expression turning serious. “Of course, Alexander.”
“I’ll take you to see my grandfather soon. By now he should’ve heard some rumors about us, and he’ll have heard that you’ve been seen with my mother in various places, so he’ll know I’m serious about you. There isn’t much that escapes him. He doesn’t like hearing about things relating to us through the press, so I’m going to introduce you to him as my girlfriend before photos of us reach the tabloids. He adored you when you were little, so there’s a good chance he’ll be happy for us.”
Elena nods, her expression serious. I hate how mechanical this all feels, but our marriage is a sham, and it always will be. It’s best that Elena gets used to it now.
Chapter 23
A lexander
“Are you ready?” I ask, glancing over Elena’s outfit. She’s wearing a formal classy dress today, looking like an executive of some sort—like a Kennedy. “You look perfect.”
Elena smiles at me, but the way she keeps touching her dress betrays her nerves. She follows me to my Aston Martin, her brows rising.
“Didn’t you say we were going to your grandpa’s?” she asks, looking around. “I thought all Kennedys live on the same estate.”
I smile and open the door for her. “We do, but the Kennedy estate is massive. This is just my mother’s mansion,” I say, tipping my head towards our house. It’s imposing all on its own.
“My grandfather had his estate built so that each of his siblings and all of their kids would have their own space. It’s essentially an entire private neighborhood, so while this is all still private property, it takes about eight minutes to drive to my grandfather’s house. There’s no way we’re walking that far.”
She looks around in awe and shakes her head. I forget that the only mansion she’s ever been to is ours.
“If we ever have children, we’d probably move to a mansion of our own. Traditionally we’d move into a new property on the estate when we get married, but I don’t like the idea of leaving my mother by herself. Lucian isn’t home often, and when he is, he prefers to stay in his room. My mother doesn’t do very well when she’s alone for long stretches of time.” I sigh and run a hand through my hair. “She’s fallen into depression a few times now, and it worries me. It doesn’t matter how much staff we have, how many people surround her—it doesn’t stave off the loneliness that she pretends not to feel.”