揝ure,?he replies playfully.
揊or real, have you checked your blood sugar? You抳e been especially weird all night.?I point the spoon at him accusingly and he laughs, taking a massive, gooey bite.
揧eah yeah. We taking this selfie before or after my grooming appointment??
揂fter. And really, though, what抯 gotten into you??
He shrugs once, a quick toss of his shoulders. 揗aybe it is my blood sugar,?he frowns.
揧ou know what, maybe it抯 me. Maybe I抦 finally having an effect on you. Maybe I just make you feel younger.?I smile with all my teeth and mime tossing my hair.
He feigns a gag, but then replies, considering. 揗aybe??He cants his head to the side with a squint, leans a hip on the counter next to mine.
揑 know you have some kind of influence on me and how I feel, that抯 for sure. I don抰 know if I抎 describe it as younger, exactly. Maybe lighter. You make me feel a little less weary.?
Blood flees my head in centrifugal motion and I stand there, mouth suspended in a little 搊攨 Because isn抰 that the dream? To have a heart that抯 less burdened simply because of who you share it with?
揂nyway.?He propels himself off of the counter, clearly not suffering the same profound moment that I am. 揕et抯 get this cut done. You抣l save me from needing to use another babysitter night.?
This was a mistake of epic proportions. Cutting his hair has my fingers on it, in it, and on him. It抯 wickedly intimate. It抯 his eyes cataloging me as I circle him. It抯 me bending, leaning forward into him to keep the lines straight. His breath ghosting against my wrists or my face.
揗eyer, do you ever think厰 I can ask. I should ask. 揇o you ever think about meeting someone? Do you try? I realize I抦 kind of a selfish friend, that I never ask.?
He looks down, considerate again as he folds his arms across his broad chest. Jesus, he抯 getting broader, somehow.
揑 guess, sure. But I feel like I抦 just now starting to get a hold of my life again and of myself. Like I抦 just starting to break the surface, reaching calmer shores, sun breaking through the clouds, whatever kind of analogy you want to throw at it. So, I抦 not putting pressure on it. I抦 feeling厰 he sighs 揾appy, with life. Anything else is an added bonus. And dating when you have any kind of fame is?complicated, believe it or not.?
揙f course. That makes sense.?That抯 why he hasn抰 dated, not because he harbors something for you.
揟hank you for this,?he gestures up to his hair as he takes off the sheet. 揥ant to watch Survivor? Maybe it抣l motivate me not to eat the entire tray.?
揙kay. Good idea.?
I end up falling asleep during the show, and don抰 remember to take that picture.
When I remind him the next day, I get a photo message back of him leaning over and grinning toothily next to an open-mouthed and passed out me. The photo is from the couch, though I woke up in bed this morning with no memory of walking myself there.
23
NOW
揈go is hilarious - especially the vanity of a comedian. As soon as you see one start worrying about how cool he is or about how many stadiums he can fill, he stops being funny.?- Ricky Gervais
MEYER
揝trip it down.?I say.
揋ladly, but Lance and Bob are, like, right around the corner,?she replies.
揓esus,?I mutter under my breath when the mental image of her stripping is immediately conjured, abs going tight. Point, Fee. My eyes dart over to her satisfied expression as she leans back in her chair.
Backstage is quiet for the most part tonight, just the low sound of the television in the distance, from where Bob and Lance are sitting in the break room.
揑 meant the set,?I clarify. 揧ou抮e trying to layer it too much. Take it apart and get it back to the basics.?I cross my arms and sit on the counter behind me, let it be obvious as I look down the length of her. The look aims to seduce, but lazily perusing her body ratchets up the tension in my gut, too. I cross a foot over the other to give my jeans some room.
In the week since San Francisco, we抳e fallen back into our tit for tat, but it抯 graduated to teasing glances and touches, abrupt remarks to test how the other抯 eyes dilate.
Now that we both know we want one another, it抯 how we pass this waiting period. I抦 not sure what we抮e waiting for, exactly, because since we抳e officially given ourselves permission it抯 all I seem to think about. Where we so often avoided contact before, it抯 crossed over into being harder not to.
But, I抦 still trying to focus on spending as much time as I can with Hazel before she goes to Ohio, and I know Fee needs both the room and support to work on her material.
Which is why we decided to try Lance抯 and wing it tonight, without Kara or Shauna and that added pressure, just to see what happens. And our game is the thing that抯 keeping her distracted, keeping her from stressing. We always do some form of this before a show to warm up. A game of wit and banter, challenging and rising, but tonight抯 improv has rapidly turned downright heated. While it feels a bit like hydroplaning; rudderless and potentially dangerous, I can抰 bring myself to tap on the breaks or steer out of it either.
She groans, and maybe I抦 just imagining things now but it sounds a little like a moan. 揑抦 trying, but everything just feels?disingenuous.?
揟hen make it about your life. What takes up space in that brain these days??I chew my lip to stop the smile.
Her cheeks lift only briefly before they drop. 揓esus, I have to go out there and talk completely out of my ass. This is going to be a disaster.?She blasts out of her seat and scrambles around, snatching her notepad and a pencil. 揑 probably shouldn抰 be letting you distract me with your vampire eyes and your body right now, Meyer. I抦 flustered and tense enough as it is.?
I chuckle, time to double down. 揕etting me, huh? And do share with me how my body抯 involved??Her cheeks redden immediately.
揑抦 here for tension relief, if needed??I add, and she chuffs out a choked sound.
She抯 not one to be outdone, though, so I see it happen when the gears in her mind turn over and land on her next words.
揧ou抎 just let me take what I want, then??The huskiness in her tone has warmth crawling up my neck.
揓ones, I抦 happy to follow your lead in most things. All things, really, up to a point.?I watch her chest rise and fall quickly, trace her collarbones with my eyes. 揃ut past that point, I抎 be certain to give you what you need.?
揂wful full of yourself, aren抰 you??she breathes, eyes lighting.
揑 could help you out with that, too??
She inhales a gasp-laugh and her eyes go wide. 揑 doubt even you could wind me down right now, My.?
揥hen have you known me to be unjustifiably conceited??I ask, clamping down my jaw as I mentally shuffle the ways I抳e imagined working her body, wringing her out. How her skin would feel on mine, the fit of her in my lap.
She inhales through her nose, cheeks reddening and spreading down her neck. I imagine it bleeding to her chest the way it did in the hotel and shit, okay. Now, it抯 time to walk this back, immediately, before I go full mast.
Her eyes grow bigger though, color shifting beneath the surface again, 揗eyer,?she says, bursting from her lips in a panic. 揗eyer I can抰 remember anything, not any of the old stuff either, I can抰 remember it. I抣l freeze. I抣l die out there.?Her lips go completely ashen in an instant that has me diving for her.
揥oah, woah, woah,?I snag her eyes and hold them. 揧ou抳e gotta breathe, Fee. It抯 just another regular day. You梇ou抮e sharper than everyone out there in that room. Go out there and tell them whatever it is going on in that insane brain of yours, literally, whatever it is that you抮e thinking and you抣l make them fall in love with you, I promise. They抮e going to hang onto your every word. You抮e safe, here. It抯 Lance抯。？I suck in a slow breath, blow out. 揃reathe with me for a second, here, angel.?