揑抳e been trying to turn them against you??Connor stands, his mouth twisting. 揧ou don抰 need my help with that梱ou抳e been doing a bang-up job of that all by yourself.?
揊uck you!?
He turns sharply on his heel, and walks out the doors with Stacey stomping after him.
Spencer watches them and his expression makes me remember lying in my bed, late at night, hiding under the blankets and covering my ears because my parents were screaming at each other in the living room梐nd it was awful.
揑t抯 all right; they抮e just upset.?I put an arm around his shoulders and the other around Brayden抯。 揟hey抣l calm down after they talk.?
揘o. They抮e always like this,?Brayden says.
And he doesn抰 say it in a petulant, my-parents-are-the-worst, teenager kind of way.
He抯 just sad.
揑t抯 gonna be okay,?I promise.
And I mean it. When this is over I抣l talk to Connor梙ell, I抣l talk to Stacey梑ut I抣l find a way to make the situation better for these boys, I swear.
Through the glass windows, I watch Connor and Stacey argue. I can抰 hear them, but I don抰 need to. I抳e seen this story play out between the parents of injured children dozens of times in the emergency department. The anger and blame, the cloying fear, the excruciating helplessness.
Stacey抯 back is to me, but I can tell the exact moment she asks Connor if Aaron is going to be okay. Because the frustration and resentment drains out of him, sinking his shoulders, making his mouth go slack with heavy words he doesn抰 want to say.
揑 don抰 know, Stacey. I really don抰 know.?
They look dazed when they walk back in. Shell-shocked.
Stacey抯 arms are crossed over her middle like she抯 cold, or like she抯 barely holding herself together. Connor sits down beside Brayden, and Stacey comes over to the boys, her tone softening.
揌ey, guys. Are you doing okay??
揌ey, Mom.?
揧eah, we抮e okay.?
揇o you want to come sit with me and Grandma Joyce??
Brayden doesn抰 look up from the floor. 揑抦 good here.?
Spencer takes a moment before he answers.
揑 think it might be bad luck to change seats while Aaron抯 in surgery. I抦 gonna stay in this chair until he抯 out.?
I can抰 help but smile at his sweetness, his endearing innocence. When I look up at Stacey, she抯 smiling tenderly at Spencer too.
But then her gaze shifts to me and the smile drops.
揑抦 sorry, who are you??
揝tacey, this is my girlfriend, Violet,?Connor answers. 揤iolet, this is my ex-wife, Stacey.?
Her gaze drags down over me from head to toe, slow and disapproving.
But I抦 a goddamn nurse. I抳e had patients curse me out, throw things. One time a woman tried to stab me with a pen梐nd I still gave her the best treatment I抦 capable of.
Nasty looks have no effect on me.
And the woman is distraught, her child on an operating table桰 feel nothing for her but pity.
So I extend the olive branch. 揌i, Stacey. I抦 sorry we抮e meeting under these circumstances.?
She ignores me completely. There goes my faith in the Mediterranean diet.
Stacey shakes her head at Connor. 揑 can抰 believe you.?
揇on抰，？he warns. 揘ot now.?
She looks back to the boys and forces a smile.
揑抣l be over there if either of you needs me.?
And then she walks away.
Connor turns toward me, his eyes heavy-lidded with an apology I don抰 need. I reach for him, holding out my hand across the back of the boys?chairs. He takes it, folding our fingers together and clasping it tight.
And we wait.
*
Time moves differently in a hospital waiting room. Slower, more torturously, each second consumed with thoughts of what will be, what might be, what life will look like when you leave this room. Connor sits like a statue, hard and still, the cup of coffee I got for him sitting untouched next to him.
Brayden抯 phone starts to die so I borrow a charger from one of the nurses in the back and he moves to the floor, sitting beside the outlet. At some point, Spencer falls asleep against me, his little breaths puffing against the beige hoody I threw on when I got the call from Callie.
Just before 3 a.m., the surgeon, Makayla Davis, comes down. Connor and Stacey converge on her and I gently wake Spencer, shifting him over, moving to stand on Connor抯 other side as Makayla explains Aaron抯 condition.
揌e got through the surgery without additional complications. He抯 critical but stable.?
She goes on to describe some of Aaron抯 injuries梚nternal bleeding, broken ribs, a punctured lung, ruptured spleen, multiple fractures to his lower right leg that will require additional surgeries to repair. But there抯 good news too梟o spinal cord damage, no apparent bleeding on the brain, and Aaron抯 vitals are strong . . . all positive signs.
揧ou and Stacey can come up to the ICU.?Makayla glances at the crowd still gathered in the waiting room. 揂s for friends and family, we抣l see how he does in the next twenty-four hours.?
Connor nods, swallowing hard, because he knows if things are going to go bad, it抯 most likely to happen in that time period. Typically, only immediate family is permitted in the ICU, but sometimes they make exceptions if they think it could aid a patient抯 recovery.
He braces a hand on my arm. 揧ou抣l take the boys home? Stay with them??
揙f course.?I nod.
Garrett conveys the information to the students and Connor抯 family. Hugs are plentiful as everyone stands and starts to disperse. Spencer darts out of his chair and throws himself into Stacey抯 arms. She runs her fingers through his hair and kisses the top of his head. Connor embraces Brayden and tells him he loves him.
揧our mom and I are going to stay here with Aaron. Be good for Vi, okay??
揥e will,?Bray assures him.
And then Connor turns to me, kissing me quickly, whispering a ragged, 揟hank you.?
My mouth is beside his ear, and I want to tell him that I love him. The words are right there on my lips . . . already his.
But I hold back. Because he抯 all over the place right now. His mind and his heart are scattered in a million different directions. And the first time I say those words to him, I want it to be a happy memory, a good thing梟ot associated with so much awfulness.
So I press a kiss to his jaw and let him go.
And I guide Brayden and Spencer to my car and take them home.
*
Rosie抯 worked up when we walk in the door梑arking and spinning in circles梑ecause dogs can sense when things are wrong. I open the back sliding door and let her out into the yard.
揇o we have to go to school tomorrow??Spencer asks.
揘o. We抮e going to take it easy tomorrow . . . today. We抣l see how your brother抯 doing and we might go see him and your parents at the hospital.?I look between him and Brayden. 揇o you guys want to camp down here on the couch again??
Trauma is sneaky. Sometimes you think you抳e got a handle on it, that you抮e doing fine. . . and then it crashes into you, knocking the breath out of your lungs and driving you to your knees. I don抰 want them to be alone right now桰 want them close, in case they need me.
They nod and head upstairs to change into their pajamas.
My heart feels weighted and slow when I turn my attention to the kitchen, cleaning up the dinner Connor was making for me. A sad smile brushes my lips as I throw out the steaks that sat on the counter too long, put the unused dishes back in the cabinet and the dirty ones into the dishwasher.
Then I turn around and gasp, pressing a hand to my chest. Because Brayden is standing behind me.