I kiss the top of Aaron抯 head. 揕ove you, buddy.?
He smiles. 揕ove you too, Dad.?
My throat tightens and my eyes heat, because I抦 just a fucking mess these days.
Still, I manage to walk out the door and down to my truck in the parking lot.
For the first time in weeks, there抯 nowhere I have to be梟ot at the hospital or talking to Stacey or Brayden and Spence, or in a conference with one of Aaron抯 doctors.
But need梟eed抯 a different animal. And there抯 only one person I need to see as soon as possible.
So I pull out of the parking lot and drive straight to Violet抯 house.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Connor
Twenty minutes later, I pull into Vi抯 driveway behind her little blue Volkswagen.
I didn抰 call her on the way over, but the light in her living room glows a golden yellow behind the closed blinds. I kill the engine and gaze at her adorable house, the corners of my mouth inching upward, just because I抦 here.
I walk up the path and knock on the door.
And then she抯 opening the door, standing at the threshold, her dark hair pinned up in a bun, her body encased in a white, fluffy robe.
And it抯 like my whole soul sighs with release, the tension draining out of me. I stand there for a moment . . . soaking in the sight of her, letting the sensation of coming home fill me up.
Violet tilts her head, watching me with liquid velvet eyes.
揧ou look tired.?
My hand goes to the mountain-man beard.
揑s that a nice way of saying I look like shit??
揘ope梩hat抯 not possible. You just look tired.?
When I was at the hospital, I didn抰 feel the stress and worry and lack of sleep桰 didn抰 let myself feel it at all. But now it抯 hitting me, full force.
揇o you want to come in??
揋od, yes. Please.?
Violet steps back, opening the door wider as I step in.
揌ow抯 Aaron doing tonight??
揃etter. He looks good. I mean he抯 got screws in his ankle, and a metal cage around his leg and he抯 attached to a heart monitor, but overall . . . he抯 good.?
Violet closes her eyes and exhales.
揑抦 so glad.?
揋arrett and Dean are with him. He抯 got surgery tomorrow afternoon so I抦 going back in the morning, but . . . I wanted to see you tonight.?
She gives me a smile, but there抯 something off about it. Something . . . sad. It doesn抰 light up her eyes.
Even when Violet was pissed at me all those months ago, there was a spark to her梑right and blinding. Now she seems . . . dimmed. Down. And I wonder if she抯 as exhausted as I am.
We walk into her living room and she moves to the kitchen.
揇o you want something to eat??
揘o.?
揇o you want something to drink??She opens the refrigerator door. 揑 have your beer.?
I take her hand, turning her toward me.
揑抦 fine, Violet. I just . . . I just want to be here with you. Talk to you.?
Something flashes across her face that I don抰 understand. And she stares at the center of my chest.
揧ou came here to talk to me about something??
揥ell . . . yeah.?
She folds her lips together tightly.
揑 see.?
I think about what Aaron said, how I haven抰 been a very good boyfriend. It抯 true桰抳e been consumed with my son抯 situation, with myself. And I know Violet understands that . . . but I wonder if I抳e missed something.
Something going on with her.
I cup her cheek.
揂re you all right??
揧eah.?She nods. 揝ure.?
揑s Darren okay? Your sisters??
揈verybody抯 good.?
And then she moves into my arms, hugging me, holding onto me梡ressing her face into the hollow of my neck. It抯 like she forgot what I feel like . . . and she desperately needs to remember.
When she pulls back she says, 揑 was just going to take a shower.?
A hot shower with her sounds like heaven right now.
揇o you mind if I join you??
It shouldn抰 be a big deal梀iolet and I have taken dozens of showers together梑ut for a moment she stiffens.
揙kay.?
揂re you sure??I ask . . . because she doesn抰 look sure. 揑 can stay棓
揑t抯 fine, Connor. Really.?
She picks up my hand and kisses my knuckles gently. Then she leads me to the bathroom and turns on the shower full blast, filling the room with steam. We抮e silent as we slip out of our clothes梥he hangs her robe on the hook on the door, her smooth, beautiful back beckoning to me.
And it抯 not even sexual. I mean, I抦 hard, obviously, but it抯 so much more than just that. Deeper. Needier.
I want to drown in the feel of her skin, surround myself in her scent and her sounds, sink into the sensation of her body pressed snug and vital against mine.
I don抰 even need to be inside her. Just being close to her is enough.
But there抯 a tension in Violet抯 shoulders, an anxiousness radiating from her that makes me hesitate. That tells me something is wrong. With her.
With us.
She releases her hair from its bun and steps into the shower first, the brown, wavy tendrils turning black beneath the stream. I follow her in, the scorching water hitting my shoulders and running down my back. She turns away from me, reaching for the shampoo and not meeting my eyes, like she抯 holding back梙iding.
My voice goes soft and coaxing.
揌ey, Vi??
揧es??
揑 know I抦 missing something here. Something big. Can you tell me what I抦 missing? Please??
She licks the droplets of water from her upper lip, and her words come out slow, like they抮e being dragged out.
揑 didn抰 want to bring this up now, I know you抮e dealing with a lot棓
揧ou can tell me anything. Anything at all, I promise.?
And now she looks like she抯 about to cry, and whatever抯 twisting her up inside桰 just want to make it better.
She takes a deep breath.
揙kay, I抦 just going to ask and whatever your answer is . . . I need you to be honest with me, no matter what.?
揙f course.?
揇o you . . . do you have feelings for Stacey again??
The shock of her question knocks me on my figurative ass.
揥hat??
揑 heard you and her talking in Aaron抯 hospital room. I heard her promise that things are going to be different between you from now on. And then you told me to go home and sent your parents to stay with the boys. Are you . . . ?
Her dark eyes rise to mine梒racking my heart in two. Because she really believes that that抯 possible.
?. . . are you two reconciling??
揘o. God, no. I mean, she抯 finally got her head on straight about the kids and I抦 happy about that. It抯 important that they have a good relationship with their mother. And she and I aren抰 going to be at each other抯 throats anymore; we talked it out and we both agreed. But that抯 it, Violet, I swear. I haven抰 had feelings for Stacey in a long time, and that hasn抰 changed. At all.?
揙h.?She nods slowly, her face slack. 揙kay.?
Then she turns around, facing the wall. And a moment later, her shoulders quake, shuddering梐s she sobs. She covers her mouth with her hand, shaking her head.
揑s that what you thought??I ask.
揧eah.?She hiccups.
I think about what that must抳e been like for her. I imagine what I would feel if I thought she was slipping away. And it抯 like an invisible hand is crushing my insides, turning them to dust, leaving me achingly hollow.
揊or how long??
揂 while.?Violet抯 eyes are red and her lips swollen when she turns toward me. 揑 thought you might be here to break up with me tonight.?
揓esus Christ.?
I pull her into my arms.