“Oh, right. He had moments where he acted out of character.”
“More like, he lost control because he didn’t like how you were so touchy with everyone. Especially me since he thought you liked me.”
“Someone was jealous, huh?” Maks’s expression lights up as he looks over my shoulder at Anton, who’s wearing an unamused expression.
“Are you done?” He glares at both of us.
“No. I actually like this.” Maks leans closer to me. “How was he when he was a child?”
“An adult.” I smile. “I don’t remember Anton ever being a child, except when you dragged him into all those games during the past few years.”
Maks forms an L at his chin. “So that means I’m a good influence?”
“The best.”
“Stop inflating his dick-shaped ego,” Anton grumbles. “He already thinks he’s God’s gift to humans.”
“I sure as fuck am. Right, Sasha?”
“Yeah.” I laugh. “You’re too extra. I love it.”
“Hear that, Antosha?” Maks nudges my brother’s foot with his. “You need to take appreciation lessons from your sister. She’s more emotionally mature than you.”
“If she were, she wouldn’t have fallen in love with a literal sociopath.”
My humor dampens, and my shoulders hunch. “Ouch.”
This time, Maks hits Anton’s foot. “Read the room, dick.”
“What? It’s true.”
“She didn’t come here to be reminded of that, now, did she?”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Is it better to bury her head in the sand and pretend all of this is okay and that our family isn’t coming for us or something?”
Both Maks and I tense.
“And you can’t wait for that, right?” my friend asks in a tight tone.
“Of course. You think it’s my dream to be locked up in here?”
Maks’s face hardens, and his muscles tighten to the point I think he’ll punch something—or, more accurately, someone.
Instead, he stands in one swift movement. “I’m going to see if Viktor has anything for me.”
“Maks…” I say, not sure how to dilute the tension.
“You’re a fucking asshole,” he tells Anton, then storms out of the room.
My brother watches him the whole time, his brow furrowed. When Maks is out, Anton rubs the back of his head and curses under his breath.
“You shouldn’t have said that, Tosha.”
“I’m not you or him. I can’t just forget about the looming battle that’ll take place sooner or later.” He rubs his hair again, harder this time. “None of us can stop it.”
“You can. If you talk to Uncle and Babushka, they’ll listen. You’re their hope for the future, and if you tell them you’ve given up on whatever crazy coup they’re thinking of carrying out—”
“That’s not how it works. Picking up where Papa left off is my duty.”
“What’s more important to you? Maks or your duty?”
His Adam’s apple moves with a swallow, but he says nothing.
“If you go down this path, you’ll lose him. So if you’re fine with that, by all means.” I touch his hand and soften my tone. “I can see that he’s the best thing that’s ever happened to you, Tosha. You need someone like him by your side so you’ll stop thinking about duty and wars. You’ve never lived your life or had dreams of your own. This is your chance to.”
“It’s not as utopian as you’re thinking. Reality is much more nefarious than dreams.”
“How would you know if you never fight for that dream?”
“What about you? Are you going to fight for Kirill again?”
“I don’t know, but I’ll definitely fight for this.” I take his hand and place it on my stomach.
Anton’s brow furrows, but then his lips part with recognition. “Are you by any chance…？”
“Pregnant. Yes.”
“Wow. That didn’t take long.”
I hit his shoulder jokingly. “It happened before I left. I’m in my second trimester now.”
“Kirill must be ecstatic that he has a reason to keep you by his side.”
“I haven’t told him exactly because of that.” I release his hand and intertwine my fingers on my lap. “I don’t want him to force me to stay because of the baby, but at the same time, I don’t know how long I can hide this from him. I just want him to…I don’t know…”
“Love you like a normal human being?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
“No one in that family is normal. Least of all, Kirill.”
“And you are?”
“I could be.”
“As if. You went all defensive mode on Maks just now because you’re scared of the unknown.”
“That’s different. Maks has a soft core, but Kirill doesn’t. He’s more interested in the success of his plans than anyone or anything else.”
I wanted to believe otherwise, but after he imprisoned his own brother, I’m not sure what to believe anymore. Maybe Anton and everyone else who described him as emotionless is right.
After all these years, I have to admit that I was wrong to believe there’s another side to him that he keeps under wraps.
A side dedicated to only me.
Maybe I was the delusional one in this equation.
“What do you plan to do now?” he asks when I say nothing. “You and I both know we can’t keep the status quo forever.”
“I’ve been trying to contact Uncle Albert to no avail.”
“Try using my code of emergency. He’ll come for me.”
“But not for me?”
“Probably not.”
“Ouch.”
Anton offers me a sympathetic look. “They never trusted you after you saved Kirill when they were close to killing him. They think you’d do it again, and they’re probably not wrong.”
“Do you expect me to let them kill the father of my son?”
“You wouldn’t let them kill him even if there was no child involved.”
Well, that’s true.
A part of me will always be protective of Kirill, no matter what he does. I might hate him, want to slap and kick and punch him, but I’d never allow anyone to hurt him.
Which is the definition of a toxic relationship.
“At any rate, get me out of here already,” Anton says.
“Only if you promise to help me.”
“Help you kill our family?”
“No, just make them see reason for once.” I squeeze his shoulder. “Do it for Maks and, most importantly, for yourself, Tosha. You need a fresh start.”
He grumbles but doesn’t say anything.
On my way out, I cross paths with Maks at the door.
“You going, Sasha?”
“Yeah. I can’t leave Kristina and Karina alone for too long when they’re miserable.”
He clutches me by the shoulders. “Don’t listen to the nonsense your asshole brother says. I’ve never seen Kirill care about anyone as much as he cares about you. According to the men, he was at the point of self-destruction when he thought you were dead. He’s not the best at expressing his emotions, but I know for a fact that you mean the world to him.”