That felt–different.
This whole day felt different, like we were shifting, and for a moment, fear branded my insides. A shiver went down my spine, and I couldn’t breathe. For a minute. A few seconds. It felt like an hour, until–OFF–I shut it down. Everything.
Once I did, I gasped, silently, but my lungs seized.
I couldn’t bring myself to turn around. The water was raining down on me, and I reached out, the tips of my fingers pressing against the tile. I closed my eyes, counted.
One.
Two.
Three–my fingers started shaking.
Four.
My lungs were closing–five.
I pushed off, and whipped around, but he wasn’t there. Thank goodness.
I could do this. I could go to laser tag with Cruz. We could hang out. We were already going to hang out. We were texting. We’d talked on the phone.
The changes didn’t mean I had to shut this down.
Yeah. That was it.
Because if it didn’t–I couldn’t go there.
I still needed this connection.
It was fine.
Fine.
Everything would be just fine.
Still, as I grabbed the towel Cruz had left on the counter for me, and began drying my body, I closed myself off to what I was doing. I went in my head, and did something I hadn’t done for a few years.
My brain was a house. There were rooms. Doors. Hallways.
I put my mom in one room. My dad in another.
Miles. Gavin.
My roommates all got their own room together.
Tasmin, her boyfriend.
And the last one, Cruz. He got the basement.
Once all the doors were shut, and the hallways were empty, I could function again.
I moved into the bedroom. Cruz wasn’t there. He’d made the bed and my clothes were on top, not folded, but laid out. He added one of his hockey hoodies, and I grabbed it. I’d put it away, but after I was done dressing, there was a warning knock before the door opened. He popped his head in and gestured behind him. “Guys are taking off. You want to ride with me or…？”
“No,” I choked out, clearing my throat before my voice sounded normal again. “No. I need my car. I’ll meet you guys there.”
“You good?”
“I’m good.”
He jerked his chin up before heading out.
I waited a little. I didn’t want to go out his window if I didn’t need to, so once the house was quiet and I heard the cars leave, I went out through a side door.
“You good?”
“I’m good.”
The thing was…me, my issues, I should’ve been lying through my teeth with that statement.
I wasn’t.
I was still holding his hoodie, too.
15
MARA
I drew up short when I went inside because it was bustling with people. People I didn’t expect to be here.
“Daniels!”
Aw, shit. That was Gavin and looking behind him, I was seeing a good portion of Alpha Mu guys with him. Atwater came over at that time, draping an arm around my shoulder as if I were there for him to rest his weight on. “Nah, man. Daniels is with us.” He motioned to my sweatshirt, or Cruz’s hoodie. “Check the shirt.”
Gavin smirked. “Yeah, right. She parties with us. How about it, Daniels? Alpha Mu against the hockey house. You joining?”
“She’s here, isn’t she?” Atwater’s tone was casual, but his body was rigid.
I glanced over, seeing Cruz at the counter, watching what was going on with us. His gaze flickered over the hoodie, but no expression crossed his face.
I needed to draw a boundary. There was no girlfriend/boyfriend ownership here, so I stepped out from under Atwater’s arm and motioned to Gavin. “I’ll go with Alpha Mu.”
“What?”
“YES! First victory.”
“Cru–” Atwater started to turn his way but caught himself. “–awp. Crap. Okay.” He pretended to leer at me. “Get used to losing, Daniels.”
“Little Daniels isn’t–”
I turned to glare at Gavin, who had stepped up next to me. “Stop calling me that.”
He frowned, his eye twitching a little. “Allen–”
“You’re not Zeke Allen. I’ve not known you since I was in kindergarten. Mara or Daniels, I don’t care, but Little Daniels is not your name for me.”
“Yeah. You put him in his place.” Barclay joined us, his vest on and holding his laser gun in hand.
“Stuff it, Barclay.”
Gavin just got a laugh in response, but turned to face me directly, his back to them. He lowered his head, lowering his voice too. “You okay?”
“Yeah, just you’re not Zeke. I don’t want to have to deal with his annoying ass when he’s not even here.”
Gavin’s head lifted back up and he nodded, a half-grin showing. “Makes sense. Daniels.”
“Thanks.” Looking around, I said, “I’m going to grab my stuff.”
“Make sure to tell them what team you’re on.”
“The losing team,” Atwater added.
They continued to rib each other as I went over to the counter. Cruz stepped up next to me as I was paying. “She’s on our team.”
I glanced at him, surprised because his tone was firm and authoritative. But he wasn’t looking at me, he was watching the doorway, and I saw Flynn Carrington coming in. Cruz didn’t give me a choice. He turned back to the girl, who had paused at his command. He motioned to the vest. “Change her team. She’s on ours.”
She looked my way. I gave a nod.
She made the switch and my vest lit up neon blue instead of green. Cruz took my gun, and I pulled the vest over my head as I followed him back to the group.
“What?” Gavin saw my vest. “She’s on our team.”
Atwater and Barclay both looked over, but didn’t hoot to rub it in. They were quiet, looking Carrington’s way before shifting, just slightly so they were standing between Cruz and the rest of the Alpha Mu guys.
“Daniels is with us.” Cruz was saying it like that was final.
He handed my gun to me, and as I took it, he touched my arm, urging me behind the rest of the hockey guys. I knew what he was doing, and I got it. He wasn’t even eyeing me, seeing if I was going to start balking at the possession he was laying claim to me, but I wasn’t going to. I saw the look Carrington gave me when he walked in, and the look had changed slightly at seeing Cruz handle me.
“You going to give me slack for this?” he did ask when we fanned out, putting more space between me and Carrington.
“No.”
His head turned to me. “Really?”
“I know what you’re doing. Thank you.”
He continued to eye me, but I ignored him, getting familiar with my laser gun.
“You know anything about laser tag?”
“I know enough not to shoot my teammates.”
The side of his mouth lifted up as the rest of the guys came over. They formed a huddle.
Labrowski took control, going over the rules first, which was basically that you needed to be hit twice before you were considered dead. And when you were, you had to lay where you died. You couldn’t return to your team’s base and tell them any information. The chips in the vest let us know when we got hit and what team was winning, etc.