I nod my head dumbly, understanding her meaning. I’m glad I talked to Grayson about this before we left the cabin. I would never betray him by telling his secret if he hadn’t said it was okay. But I hate lying to Bree. “We, umm . . .” My throat feels dry. I’m not ashamed, and I know Bree is the furthest thing from a bigot, but still . . . This is hard. “We’re like, um . . .” She quirks a manicured eyebrow at me, waiting for me to just get to it. “We’ve done stuff.”
“Stuff?” She can barely contain her laugh.
“Fuck you.”
She laughs again. “What kind of stuff, Rhett?”
My lip twitches with a brief smile. “How do you know? I mean . . . Seriously, Bree. You have cameras stashed around here?”
She laughs and crinkles her cute nose. “No. I’m not a gross stalker, thank you very much. I just, I don’t know . . .” Her shoulder kicks up, and her smile is beautiful. “I saw the way you looked at him and the possessive-ass way he looks at you. If you’re paying attention, it’s pretty damn obvious.”
I must look sick because she notices. I drop her hands, feeling it in my gut. “It’s obvious?”
“No,” she quickly reassures me. “Not obvious to everyone at school. Just to people who really know you.”
“Fletch?” I ask, and she shakes her head.
“Okay. Obvious to me. Fletch barely knows himself, let alone pays close enough attention to figure this out.” She shoves my shoulder. “But even if it were obvious to everyone, would you really care?”
“Yeah.” She cocks her head to the side, ready to ask me why, no doubt. “Grayson . . . His family isn’t like you guys. He’ll lose everything.”
“What the fuck?” She looks enraged, and I shake my head, wrapping an arm around her.
“Yeah. I know. They’re shitheads. And he has a lot riding on doing what they want him to do. Which probably doesn’t include fucking guys.”
“Wait.” She turns her head to look at me, her jaw dropping. “Fucking? He’s fucked you?”
“Bree.” I laugh uncomfortably. “No. And we don’t talk about that.”
“Fuck you. I do. I want to know all the things.”
“No,” I say firmly, but shit, I smile too. “I’m not talking about this. I told you we’ve done stuff.”
“Stuff could mean so many things. I want details, dammit.” Her eyes are sparkling with mischief, and for the first time in a long time, I feel like I have my best friend back.
“No.”
She huffs and lays her head on my shoulder. “So that’s why he’s not out?”
I nod, leaning my head against hers. “Yeah. I don’t know if he’ll ever be able to. He has some pretty big dreams, and if he wants them to come true, he has to play by his dad’s rules.”
“That’s fucked up, Rhett.”
I agree, and it guts me far more than I can admit. “I know.”
“But what about you?” I turn as she lifts her head to look at me again. “Why didn’t you tell me you were into dudes? You know I couldn’t care less about that. If it’s your truth, it’s beautiful.”
I love my best friend. I may not be in love with her, but I love her. I kiss her temple and then tuck her back into my side. “I don’t know my truth.”
“What?”
I don’t know how to explain this, but I give it my best shot. “Until Grayson . . .” I sigh and shake my head with a small smile just thinking about him. “I didn’t feel attracted to anyone that way. I thought I was broken.”
“Tell me more.”
“I knew when someone was attractive, but I didn’t want to . . .”
“Fuck them,” she supplies, and I nod my head.
“Yeah. Until him, which makes no sense whatsoever. I wasn’t trying to hide anything from you, Bree. I was just trying to figure it all out, I guess. I still don’t get it.”
She turns her body so she can look up at me, a sad, sweet smile on her pretty face. “Tell me about him.”
“Grayson?” I gaze down at her in confusion, and when she nods, I shrug the shoulder she’s lying on. “You know him.”
She shakes her head, her hair moving against my shoulder and tickling my neck. “Not the real him. I know what I’ve seen at school and his jackass friends. I don’t know what led to you being attracted to him.”
I laugh at that. “Him being a real pain in the ass.”
Her nose crinkles, and her brows furrow, still with the pretty smile on her face. “What does that mean?”
“He saw me walking in the rain one day and insisted on giving me a ride. I was late for the mission, so I agreed, but the fucker wouldn’t leave. He stayed and volunteered too. God, Bree, he made Laney laugh. Full-on laugh. This kid who wouldn’t let anyone in, who has some insane trauma and trust issues, and he had her laughing on the first damn day within seconds. And then, he wanted to keep going back.”
She sits up straighter, watching me intently. “What else?”
“He draws.” I shake my head, still unable to believe it. “And he does it well. Ms. Holler showed me his old work, and it’s bold and bright. It’s perfect.” I realize I’m smiling way too big when her eyes light up, watching me talk about Grayson. I’m embarrassed and shrink back into the couch a little, wanting her to say something and move on from this awkward moment, but she keeps smiling at me.
“You’re an idiot.”
“What?” That’s not what I was expecting.
“Of course, you’re attracted to him. Those kids—volunteering—that’s the most important thing in your life. And he just waltzed in and was a natural with them. Hot.”
I fight a grin. “It was pretty cool.”
She lays back against my shoulder again, resting her head there. “We have issues. Fletch, you, and me. We don’t trust easily, not at all. It makes sense that you’d need a really solid connection before you could feel free enough to trust someone with your body.”
“Then why didn’t I want you?” The question may be hurtful, but it bugs the hell out of me. I can understand maybe I’m pansexual or even demisexual, but why didn’t I want Bree that way. She’s gorgeous, funny, and perfect in every way.
“Maybe you see me as a sister.” She shudders, and I laugh. “But also, I don’t think sexuality is that black and white. There are gray areas. It’s up to you what you identify as, I can’t tell you that. And if you don’t need a label, that’s okay too. But we both know I can’t draw for shit.” I snort because she can’t. She can barely draw a stick figure. She punches me and then goes on, “And those kids . . .” Her voice grows sad.
“Bree . . .”
She shakes her head, and she sounds like she’s about two seconds from sobbing. “I can’t be around them. Every time I went there with you, I felt like I was going to suffocate. And I feel guilty as hell because I got out and they didn’t, and they remind me of a time I don’t want to think about.”