“He’ll never let me,” Shawn insisted. “He’d always find some way to keep me here. You know he would. But I thought, if I’ve already got the money—if it’s already done . . .” His eyes grew hot, then blurry. He wiped them on the shoulder of his shirt, hoping it looked like he was scratching an itch. “But that’ll never happen now. I messed it all up.”
“Shawn, I’m so sorry,” Lisa said, looking horrified. “I didn’t realize.”
“It’s not your fault,” he said, his voice shaking, trying to keep from bursting into tears. “I should have said something.”
“I shouldn’t have put you in this position in the first place,” she said, grabbing his hand and looking into his eyes. “I just kept suggesting stuff without thinking.”
“I kept saying yes, even though I knew—”
“No, really, it was my fault. I just wasn’t paying attention.”
“It was my fault; I should’ve been more—”
“Okay, let’s stop for a sec,” Lisa interrupted, blowing out a breath. “We could go back and forth all afternoon about whose fault it was, but that doesn’t help now. What can we do to make this better? Can I help you study? Quiz you? Help make flash cards? We’ve still got a couple days. You can still be ready.”
Shawn dropped his eyes to the pile of school supplies on the picnic table. He thought through his mental study schedule, which he’d already completely blown. It’s too late, his brain whispered. There wasn’t enough time. He was totally screwed.
He took a shaky breath, then shook his head. “I think . . . maybe you should just go home,” he said.
“What? No, Shawn, let me help—”
“You can’t help, okay?” he snapped. “No one can. It’s hopeless now, so you might as well not waste your time.” He scooped up a stack of notebooks and walked across the deck to the large outdoor trash can. “I won’t waste mine either,” he said, lifting the lid.
“What are you doing?” Lisa asked, hurrying over to grab the notebooks away from him before he could toss them inside.
“I’m giving up,” Shawn said. “Just like my dad always knew I would.”
“Shawn, no. Don’t say that.” Lisa’s eyes darted toward the house, and she bit her lip, her forehead creased.
“What?” Shawn asked after a minute of watching the gears behind her eyes turn. He’d known her long enough to recognize her thinking face.
“I have an idea . . . and it’s probably a bad one,” she said uncertainly.
“I told you, there’s not enough time for—”
“There is for this. Barely. But it’s a little . . . iffy,” she said. “I heard about something, but I’ve never tried it. It could either help you, or it could go really, really wrong.”
“Lisa, what on earth are you talking about?”
She shifted from one foot to the other, blowing out a long breath. “You have to know I wouldn’t normally suggest this. Really, I shouldn’t even know about it, but I overheard these kids talking and I was curious so I asked. And remember, you definitely don’t have to do this if you don’t want to, but I do feel like this is at least partially my fault, so—”
“Oh my god, will you please just tell me?”
She leaned closer to him. “If there was a way to . . . know exactly what to study . . . would that help?”
His heart sank. This was her big plan? Some sort of new study method? He shook his head miserably. “It won’t make a difference. I already know which units will be covered in each test and—”
“No, Shawn, I mean like, exactly. Like . . . exactly exactly. If you want.”
He narrowed his eyes slightly, tilting his head. Was she suggesting what he thought she was? Had she seen copies of the tests? Did she know what was on them?
He thought about it. He’d never cheated in his life. He wasn’t one of those lazy jerks who assumed doors would swing open with nothing more than a look; no, he worked for his success. If he won the citizenship award next year, it would be because he’d earned it.
But if he didn’t do well on his finals, his chances of winning the award would shrink to practically nothing. And along with them, his chances of getting out of Buford County, of escaping his dad, of carving out a life that he chose, no one else.
If he’d been able to study like he planned, he knew he would have done well. He always did. Did he really deserve to lose his whole future, just because he’d run out of time? Was that really fair, after working so hard for so long?
In a way, he wouldn’t even really be cheating. He’d just be getting the grades he should have gotten anyway. The grades he deserved, to secure the future he had earned.
“Yes,” he said finally. “I’ll do anything.”
Lisa took another deep breath, then lowered her voice. “Do you know about locker two forty-seven?”
Chapter Sixty-Six
SHAWN
His hands kneaded the steering wheel as he slowed his truck to a stop. Even though he’d picked a low-traffic street around the corner from the school, Shawn felt exposed, vulnerable. But no one was here tonight. It was Saturday, and besides, most of the town was getting ready to head to the debate. Which was where he would be soon, too. It would never occur to anyone that he’d made a stop first.
Plus, he was the citizenship-award winner. No one would suspect him.
That didn’t keep his stomach from churning as he turned off the ignition and slid out of the driver’s seat, his feet landing softly on the pavement. He winced at the sound of the door clicking shut, looking around to make sure no one had heard him.
But of course, there was no one around. The night was quiet. The school sat dark and still, the empty lot a sea of open spaces. Just as he’d planned.
Five minutes, he promised himself. Just a quick in and out. And then he’d never have to think about his stupid mistake ever again.
The doors to the school were locked, but Shawn had thought ahead. Friday afternoon, before he left, he’d stopped by the office, claiming he’d forgotten a book that morning. While he pretended to look for it, he unlatched a window, then moved a stack of trays in front of it so that no one would notice.
Pulling up the hood of his sweatshirt, he went around the side of the building and counted windows, picturing the inside of the office. The unlocked window was sluggish—these windows didn’t get opened very often—but reluctantly conceded a few inches, then a few more. After some coaxing, he was able to open it wide enough to hoist himself up and in.
The office was nearly black. Shawn switched on the flashlight he carried in his back pocket, keeping it aimed low as he made his way toward Mr. Warren’s office. Everything felt different in the dark. His sleeve brushed some papers hanging off the edge of a counter, sending them tumbling to the floor with a loud flutter. Shawn jumped, banging into a table, his heart racing in his throat as he tried not to scream. He stood there for a second, hand on his chest, his breaths coming in rapid gasps.
Just some papers. Not a person. Everything’s fine.
Carefully, he crouched down, picked up the papers, and replaced them on the counter, hoping the order didn’t matter.