Flash.
Rose.
It was always Rose.
Rose, who was so sure that I was here for a reason. Rose, who Stan spent his whole life missing. Rose, who was never supposed to die here tonight.
Rose, the girl the whole universe bent to save.
I told her that I didn’t know if I believed in God. I told Mrs. Hanley the same thing.
Mrs. Hanley told me that maybe God believed in me. That never felt right. But maybe that’s because it was never about me. Maybe I’m here because God—or the universe, or whatever it is—believes in Rose.
Chapter Seventy-Six
ROSE
What just happened?
Rose pressed a hand to her head, trying to still the ringing in her ears. She groaned as she slowly got to her feet. Justin had thrown her with a shocking amount of strength. She’d slammed back down like a crashing plane, skidding on her bare arms and leaving a good amount of skin embedded in the wet pavement.
Everything hurt.
But she was alive. If Justin hadn’t pushed her out of the way—
Oh God, no.
Rose turned slowly, toward the truck balancing half-on, half-off the sidewalk. Abruptly, the rain slowed to a light drizzle, like it had served its purpose and was now ready to move on. The driver had gotten out—Shawn, she registered with dull surprise—and was staring at something on the ground with a horrified expression. His hands were fisted tight in his hair, like he wanted to pull it all from his head.
“Shawn?” Rose called. Her voice sounded like she’d swallowed razor blades.
His eyes met hers, wide and empty. Like a corpse, she thought with a sense of strange detachment.
“I didn’t mean to,” he said, his voice high and scared. “You have to believe me, Rose. I didn’t mean to.”
Rose didn’t ask what he meant. She walked slowly around the truck, until she could get a good look at the boy on the ground.
This was the second time she’d stood over his body on this bridge.
As Rose looked at Justin’s still face, her heart seemed to stop. Slowly, she knelt beside him but didn’t touch him. There was no point. His eyes were wide and unblinking, his chest still. Blood was everywhere, spilling out of him like a cracked egg.
For a long moment, Rose just stared, her body numb.
Justin was dead. How could Justin be dead?
She closed her eyes, struggling to remember how to breathe. All around her, the world shattered into dust. Death wasn’t supposed to win today. They were supposed to stop it.
She’d been so sure. But she’d been wrong.
It’s okay, a voice whispered in her mind.
Not her voice. His.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, tears leaking from her closed eyelids.
It’s not your fault.
“I should’ve tried harder.”
This is why I was here.
Air filled her lungs. As she breathed in, she knew he was truly gone.
She opened her eyes, her heart aching. She was surprised to see Karl Derrin standing beside Shawn, face red and tear-streaked, eyes wide. Where had he come from? How long had he been here?
Shawn looked down at him, dazed. “It was you?”
“I’m sorry,” Karl whimpered. “I-I was just trying to—”
Shawn shook his head wearily. “It doesn’t matter.” He sniffed, twisting his neck to wipe his nose on the shoulder of his sweatshirt. He dragged his gaze back to Justin’s body. “We have to bury him,” he said thickly.
“What?” Rose asked, incredulous. “We need to go to the police.”
“What are they going to do?” He gestured to Justin’s contorted body on the ground. “They can’t help him now.”
“That doesn’t matter!”
Karl took a deep breath and straightened his shoulders, his limbs trembling. “I agree with Rose.”
Shawn stared at him, seeming dazed. Then his expression shifted, and he slowly shook his head, his brow furrowed with something like—but not quite—concern. “Are you sure about that, buddy? I mean, if you hadn’t distracted me, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“You think I’ll get in trouble?” Karl whispered, his face going pale.
“Maybe. Do you know what manslaughter is?”
Karl shook his head vehemently. “I changed my mind. I don’t want to go to the police.”
Shawn patted him on the shoulder. “Good call, buddy. I’d hate for you to have to go to jail.”
Rose couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “Shawn, he’s just a kid.”
Shawn glared at her with a calculated coldness she’d never seen before. “So am I.”
Rose’s blood turned to ice in her veins. This wasn’t the Shawn she knew. The one who had shown up to every fundraiser for Mrs. Hanley, the one who had dated her sister for a year and then hugged her when she finally told him the truth, the one who had tried to give her an awkward heart-to-heart about her nonexistent love life.
No, this was someone else. Someone she didn’t recognize.
He looked at Karl, pasting a strange, determined smile on his face. “Time to be brave, buddy.” He walked around the back of the truck and opened the tailgate. A few seconds later, he came back holding two shovels, and handed one to Karl.
Rose shook her head, horrified. She wondered if she might throw up. “You can’t just throw him away!”
“We don’t have a choice, Rose,” Shawn said, his voice eerily void of expression. He unzipped his sweatshirt, swiping a sleeve across the damp hair on his forehead. Underneath, he wore a shirt and tie. He must’ve been headed to the debate.
Except . . . the community center was in the opposite direction. What was he doing out here on the bridge?
“Karl, grab that tarp out of the bed and bring it over here,” Shawn said, walking slowly around Justin’s body, his head tilted to one side. He nudged Justin’s shoe with his toe, making Rose’s stomach turn.
“Karl, stop,” Rose said, beckoning to the younger boy. “Come here. You don’t have to do this. We’ll explain to the police what happened. You won’t get in trouble.”
“Don’t listen to her, bud,” Shawn said, his face still twisted into that unsettling smile. “She doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”
“I know that you can’t just bury people on riverbanks and get away with it.” Rose could hardly believe she was having this conversation. Could hardly believe any of this was happening.
Did the Shawn she thought she knew even exist? Had she been wrong about him all this time?
Or was this Shawn the impostor? If she pushed hard enough, would she find her friend still inside?
Shawn spread his arms, gesturing at the empty bridge. “Who’s going to find out? Does anyone else even know he was here? As long as we all agree not to say anything—”
“I’m not agreeing to that.”
The smile fell from his face. “I thought you were my friend.”
“I am your friend.”
“Then help me!” Shawn’s eyes were round and frantic. “Rose, this could destroy my whole life. I could go to jail. How could you do that to me?”
“I’m not doing anything to you!”
“Yes, you are. No one has to know. Unless you tell them.”