“Yes.” He feels her slip away, thinking about something. “A long weekend with Olivia? I don’t remember that.”
“Linds, it was years ago. I doubt I remember everything—”
“No, really. I have an excellent memory. The Melanie Rich thing happened my sophomore year. I’d transferred from UT to Hollins. I was getting lost in the crowds in Knoxville, needed a smaller environment. I didn’t come home at all that semester because I was trying to get my footing in Virginia. I definitely didn’t go on any long weekends with Olivia. I didn’t see her until winter break. By then Melanie was missing and Park was being harassed by the police. And Dad was such a wreck. Bah, whatever. It doesn’t matter what I was doing. But if my big brother decided to come home from Europe, the least he could have done was call ahead and check to see if his favorite sister was going to be home.”
“You’re my only sister.”
“Shut up, doofus.”
Perry laughs. He’s forgotten how good it is to be with someone who knows you inside and out and calls you on your bullshit.
“So, if Olivia had been here, what would you have done?”
He shoots the rest of the Scotch, enjoying the long burn into his belly. “Beg. Plead. Propose. Anything to get her to take me back. I was an idiot for leaving, but she pushed me away so hard I didn’t know what else to do. I was hurt. Everything was great with us, and suddenly she put up a wall and wouldn’t let me in. Next thing I know, she’s marrying Park. I mean, I guess that’s what she wanted all along—”
“It wasn’t.” There’s a worrying note in his sister’s voice.
He pours another drink. “I’m not drunk enough to hear this.”
“Me either. Give me some of that.” He tips the bottle to her glass, the amber liquid purling. She sips, closing her eyes, either in pleasure or against whatever she’s about to say. “She loved you. She did. I’m sure she still does. The way she was looking at you when you were in her room today…trust me, the feelings are still there. It’s just a really crappy time for you to be making a reappearance. You’ll seem like an option, an escape. I know her, better than you, better than Park. Maybe better than she does. She’s unhappy, the wheels are coming off, and here comes Lancelot, her unrequited love, just in time to pick up the pieces.”
His traitorous heart takes a happy little leap. Maybe he wants to be the distraction. Again.
“Is she unhappy with Park? Or is she unhappy they can’t have children? Because those are very different things.”
“Both. I’m totally speaking out of turn here, but damn it, I love all of you, and I just want everyone to be happy. Park isn’t happy, either. I doubt the marriage lasts. They’ve been on fumes for a couple of years now. They’re just too stubborn to admit it. Now that he has all these kids? Hell, if I was in her shoes, that would be the last straw. I’d be out. I bet she bolts.”
“Is he cheating on her?”
“No, it’s nothing like that. They love each other. They do. But the stress of losing so many babies, it’s been hard on them both. So hard.” Lindsey chokes up, her eyes sparkling with unshed tears. “It’s been hard on all of us, but Olivia… Jesus, Perry. I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this. You have to swear to me to never, ever, say anything to her. But it might explain things.”
His heart thumps hard, and he sets the glass on the coffee table. He notices the stack of books in the center are BBC companion pieces to some of their more famous nature shows, with photos Perry has taken inside. Did Lindsey buy them? Or Olivia?
“Explain what?”
“Lucía has told me a hundred times that secrets kill people.”
Lindsey is struggling, and he puts up a hand. “Listen, nothing is—”
“She had an abortion.”
“Lucía?”
“Olivia.”
It takes a second for that to register.
“Why would she do that? Is she not miscarrying, she’s—”
“No, Perry. In high school. After prom.”
He sits numbly, waiting for the pain, her words a cut to his soul as sure as any blade.
“You’re saying the baby was mine?”
Lindsey nods and the tears spill. “She swore me to secrecy, and I’ve kept her secret all these years. But now… Perry, I can’t hold this weight any longer. It’s tearing me apart.”
He doesn’t want to know this. Lindsey is still talking, purging herself, expecting to be shriven by telling the truth at last, finally, but he tunes her out.
Everything makes sense now. He is up and across the room, pacing. His long legs eat up the space and he is more like a caged tiger, back and forth in front of the fireplace. He wants to run. He wants to get back on the plane and leave. He wants to hold Olivia and cry for what they’ve lost.
Lindsey is staring into her glass as if the Scotch can fix everything.
“Why wouldn’t she just tell me? I would have married her on the spot. Happily.”
“Because she didn’t want to hold you back, and she didn’t want to hold herself back. She was just a kid, for God’s sake. Neither one of you could have managed.”
“But she could have told me. Let me be there for her.”
“She was going to. She changed her mind when you didn’t come back for Christmas. And then, you know. Life. Dad died, she was there for Park, and they got back together. I shouldn’t have told you. She’ll never forgive me. I don’t suppose you could just forget I said anything?”
At his annoyed look, she smiles weakly. “Didn’t think so.”
He plops back down on the couch. “Why now?” he asks.
She swallows the rest of her drink. “Because I think Lucía’s right. This secret is eating me alive, and Olivia, too. It’s time. I leave it up to you whether you want to talk to her about it. I’ll tell her I told you, and—”
“No. Don’t. Please.”
She cocks her head to the side like a puppy.
“It doesn’t matter, Linds,” he says. “There’s nothing you or I can do to change what’s happened. The past is the past. If she wants me to know, she’ll tell me.” He hugs his sister, wipes the tears from her cheeks. “You’ve carried this long enough. Let it go. I can bear her secret now.”
She gives a shuddery sigh in his arms. “You’re a good guy, Perry.”
“Yeah, I know. I just have one question.”
“Shoot.”
“Does Park know?”
He feels her head move against his chest. “No. If he found out, I think that would be the end of them.”
What is he going to say? How is he going to approach this?
Perry is good at breaking a major project into pieces, establishing a checklist of all the things that need to get done. Wrapping his head around the way his life could have gone if the woman he loved had been honest with him about her pregnancy? Not so much. There isn’t a to-do list manager in the world powerful enough for this.
He takes Lindsey’s car and drives to the track attached to their former high school. It’s been upgraded recently, the chip seal dark and gleaming, the white lines freshly painted. It’s deserted. He jumps the fence and sets a leisurely pace. He loved track in high school. Middle distance, long distance, steeplechase, all of it. He wasn’t fast, but he could go for hours. He’s stuck with the discipline, uses a good run to clear his head. But here, now, watching the sun go down over the trees, he is assailed by memories.