I’m not sure that’s much better.
4 months and 25 days until the wedding – Mom
I slip my phone into my clutch and snatch a champagne glass from the nearest server, who wears a signature-fitted Calloway Couture black pleated dress. Another reason why a hundred plus people are here to watch our antics: they have big checkbooks. Ones that may want to invest or buy some of the clothes that Lily, Daisy, and I wear on the show.
I scroll through my phone, checking for the millionth time that the CC website is still online. God forbid it crashes during the show. That would be my luck.
The largest flat screen at the front of the room has a countdown before the show begins. 10 minutes. 10 fucking minutes.
Where the hell is Connor?
My nerves have spiked to new degrees, and I restrain myself from pulling out my phone and checking the website again.
I scan the crowd quickly, and I spot Loren and Lily standing off to the side, nearest a large potted plant. This is their first Calloway hosted event since Lily’s sex addiction became public. Half the people in the room stare at them with curious, admonishing gazes. The other half gossip in whispers.
Lily and Loren look about as uncomfortable as they can be, shifting and avoiding eye-contact. Lo has his arm around Lily’s shoulder, touching her in comfort and rotating her body every time a camera edges too close.
There are twelve cameramen here. Just to ensure that every moment is captured for the show.
I’m about to walk over to Lily for moral support, but I barely take a step before Ryke approaches the couple. He hands Loren a can of Fizz Life and Lily his plate of Swedish meatballs. Whatever Ryke says, it has Lo smiling for the first time all night.
Two years ago, Lo and Lily would be standing miserable in a corner. Addicted and enabling. A few months ago, no one could persuade my sister to leave the house because of the gossip and ridicule.
Now they’re here.
Smiling.
I’m usually not so sentimental. But watching my sister go from lying to broken to halfway-okay has moved me in immeasurable ways.
It’s easier to be born strong than to find a strength that you never thought existed. For that, I believe she has more courage and prowess than I could ever possess.
My eyes linger on them before I start searching for Connor again. I find Daisy first, entertaining my mom with a few head nods. While Loren steals one of Lily’s meatballs off her plate, Ryke watches Daisy from across the room, his smile fading and his features hardening in concern.
None of the guys like when we surround ourselves with our mother for long. I really don’t want Daisy around her for more than an hour or two. Mom sucks our energy dry, but that’s just her abrasive, all-consuming personality. Even if you never get used to it, you just have to deal.
When I finally spot Connor, all the built-up fuzzy, warm （generally foreign） feelings I had are replaced by annoyance.
I watch as my boyfriend greets a younger guy by hugging him and slapping him on the back in a typical bro-hug. It is so out of Connor Cobalt’s nature—his true self that I know and love.
My heels clap loudly on the marble floor as I strut towards him. I tip the rest of my champagne in my mouth and set the empty glass on a tray before I land by his side.
“Richard,” I say with heated eyes. I don’t care if I look like a bitch. That’s the point. I am who I am. Why can’t he just let people see the real him? Who cares if people don’t like him?
“There you are, babe,” Connor says, hooking his arm around my waist. He nods to his friend. “Patrick, you know Rose, right?”
“We’ve never been formally introduced,” Patrick says. He holds out his hand. “Patrick Nubell.”
I don’t shake it. “As in Nubell Cookies?” It makes sense. Connor doesn’t schmooze anyone. He has to have a reason to give you his time. Money and prestige are two important factors. Nubell sits just below Kraft （Oreos） and Keebler on the marketplace. Though Nubell cookies are more natural and less appetizing.
Patrick laughs and drops his hand, realizing I’m not going to shake it. He doesn’t seem affronted. Maybe he’s heard of my reputation. In these social circles, I am frequently called an ice queen.
“Yeah, it’s my great-great-grandfather’s company,” he explains. “You probably know how that is. People always asking you which flavor of Fizz you like the best. Well, I get do you prefer nugget or cinnamon.”
I stay quiet, which leaves Connor the opportunity to say, “Definitely, man.” He nods like he is entranced with this nugget/cinnamon conversation.
Sure, I could probably relate to Patrick on some level, but now is not the time for bonding. I have—I check my watch—four minutes until the show airs. And I need a pep talk. Preferably from Connor Cobalt and not the twat he has impersonated.
“Could you give us a minute, Patrick?” I ask now.
“Yeah, of course.” He leaves, probably searching for someone as young as him in the middle-aged crowd.
When I turn to Connor his eyes drop to mine. “That hurt me just as much as you,” he says immediately. “Trust me, I had to use the word killer and dude in the same fucking sentence.”
“You didn’t have to do anything,” I retort. “And babe, really?” I smack his arm. “And you gave him a bro-hug, Connor. Who are you?” I don’t give him time to answer because I know it will be something profoundly aggravating. “And what were you doing with Nubell Cookies? Are you trying to partner with them? That sounds like a fantastic idea. Put magnets in the tins and make everyone sick.”
I finish my rant and he full-on grins. But it’s different this time.
He smiles at me like every word I said was special. Like they belonged to him and me.
“What?” I snap, but my voice softens when I see the look in his eye that says I mean everything to him.
He intertwines his fingers with mine and draws me to his chest, “Nothing, darling.” His breath warms my ear as he leans down. “You look gorgeous in that dress. Is it yours?”
Is it yours? He’s asking if I designed it. I nod.
He brushes my hair off my shoulder as I inhale strongly. His fingers run across the black fabric with studs on the collar, and he skims my neck with an even lighter touch.
“As gorgeous as it is,” he says, “I’m going to love taking it off you tonight.” He kisses my cheek, and I have to look around the room at all the faces to remember we’re in public.
With hundreds of people.
My emotions have suddenly calmed, and as Connor squeezes my hand, I realize why.
Lo is right. He has a gift.
The countdown on the screen ticks down from ten.
Ten seconds.
That’s all it takes to decide whether this show will fail.
Ten stupid seconds.
*
Thirty minutes in, and it’s not looking so good.
Beside me at the screening party, Lily shields her eyes with her hand, peeking beneath as we watch the train wreck that is our lives. The six of us have congregated in solidarity by the fucking potted plant as the show continues playing. Scott chooses to stand beside my parents, whispering things to my mother, and she laughs with sincerity.
Connor’s eyes flicker from the television screens to Scott and my parents every so often. I can tell he’d like to go interject and break up Scott’s ploy to make nice with my mother and father, but he stays here. With me. And I appreciate that more than he knows.