“I know how gruesome those get. I don’t think drinking helps.”
“We’ll find out then.” I twist my hand free of hers, down the second glass, and pour a third.
This time, she snatches it and gently places it on the table. “I know something better than alcohol.”
“Doubt it.”
And then the fucking woman opens the blanket and wraps her arms and the blanket around both of us. She’s hugging me, I realize. What in the ever…
“You let me hug you when I was mourning Nadia and Nicholas, and that’s my favorite form of comfort. I know it’s not yours, but I’m giving it to you anyway. Maybe one day, you’ll come to appreciate it, too.”
My shoulders drop, and part of me wants to throw her away, but the other fucking part wants to cage her in my arms and never let go.
So I just remain still, not giving in to either.
She pulls away slightly and freezes, then runs her fingers over the new scars on my chest, courtesy of her fucking lover.
Scars I wouldn’t have if it weren’t for her.
I’m about to restart the death circle of rage and anger, but then she stares up at me with shiny eyes and sniffles. “I’m so sorry.”
“If you’re that sorry, tell me the fucker’s name.”
“I can’t do that, but I can make up for these shots for the rest of my life.”
“You’ll stay here for the rest of your life?”
“If…you want me to, yes, I will.”
A sense of raging possessiveness grabs hold of me, and I pull her close to me with a hand glued to the small of her back. “You will stay.”
“I will.”
“That wasn’t a question. It was a statement.”
She smiles a little, but she nods. “As long as you don’t erase me.”
I never did. Erasing her is nowhere near possible. I did a perfect job at pretending she wasn’t there, though.
That was easier than replaying everything that happened in Russia.
“That depends on your performance.” I release her, and she pauses before wrapping the blanket around herself.
“Speaking of performance.” She clears her throat. “Let’s talk about that reward.”
“What about it?”
“I want to become your senior guard.”
“You what?”
“Senior guard. Viktor’s current position.”
“He will kill you.”
“I don’t care. You promised me a reward, and I already took your punishment, so you have to give me what I want.”
“You’ll have to share that position with Viktor.”
“No, I want to be on my own.”
“Not possible. I trust him more than you, and, therefore, he can’t be removed from his post.”
Her lips push forward in a scowl or a pout, I don’t know which, but I want to lick her lips with my tongue anyway.
“Fine.” She lifts her chin. “One day, you’ll trust me more than him.”
Highly doubt it.
But I give her hope anyway. This might be the best way to have her lower her guard.
13
SASHA
Maybe I lost my mind.
There’s no other explanation to what I told Kirill a week ago after he proceeded to deny me one orgasm after the other in the worst form of torture I’ve ever experienced.
But when I woke up to find myself enveloped in his arms, all that discomfort vanished. However, the moment I actually felt strongly about making this decision was when he not only let me hug him, but also hugged me back.
Well, he only wrapped his arm around my lower back, but that counts.
Those aren’t the only reasons I did it, though. After my grandmother and uncle disowned me, Kirill is the one who gave me purpose. Yes, it came with pain and heartbreak, but it was purpose all the same.
Is it a surprise that I pledged my loyalty to him for life? In a way, no, since that’s exactly what I’ve been doing since I came here with him after he was shot.
And who knows? Maybe in a couple of months when his trust is restored, I can confirm that he has no involvement in my family’s deaths.
He’s just not the type.
So I scrapped my previous plan that entailed sneaking around his office. From now on, I’ll be direct and refrain from using any deceitful methods.
On one hand, I have no clue what else I can do. But on the other, it feels like the best decision I’ve ever made. Kirill doesn’t only make me feel like the woman I yearn to be again, but he also makes me feel.
So much, it’s painful.
Uncomfortable, too.
Sometimes, I think it’d be better if I just removed myself from his side. Maybe I’d fly back to Russia or a different country altogether and start over again.
But the mere thought of separating myself from him physically hurts and I have to take a few moments to recover from its imaginary impact.
“Move it, Lipovsky.”
I stand in front of the car and stare at Viktor, who’s been glaring at me ever since Kirill announced that we’re sharing the senior guard position.
To say he doesn’t like it would be an understatement. He asked Kirill if I’m threatening him with something—as if I could ever do that.
The others, though, took the news well. Actually, Maksim threw a party for me a few days ago and nearly got himself killed by Yuri when he tried to make him dance.
Even Karina showed up wearing the most beautiful lace dress and gave me a gift—a stunning coat that I will only wear on special occasions.
She told her brother that she still hasn’t given up on me and will one day have me as her guard.
Kirill, on the other hand, wasn’t impressed with the whole party thing and kept glaring at anyone who held me by the shoulder or bro-hugged me—mainly Maksim. He even retreated to his office early and spent the entire night there, telling us not to disturb him.
Viktor, who currently looks like he’s plotting my death, barely showed his face that night and only came to shadow Kirill.
Now, we’re standing in front of the main car while Kirill, Damien, and Rai are inside a traditional Japanese restaurant for a meeting with the higher-ups of the Yakuza.
Since Kirill will be leaving with Damien in the same car, only one of us gets to ride in the front. Usually, that’s Viktor, because he makes everyone follow his order.
“You, move it,” I say casually. “You can ride with Maksim.”
He steps forward so that he’s towering over me. “The fuck did you just say?”
“You heard me just fine.”
His eyes blaze as he glares down on me. “Move it. That’s an order.”
“You have no right to give me orders anymore. I’m in the same position as you.”
“Listen here, you little shit. I don’t know what you threatened Boss with to get here, but I will find out and get you exiled from the fucking country.”
“Are you insinuating that Boss is weak and is prone to be threatened?” I say with a fake alarmed tone.
“I didn’t say that.”
“But that’s the impression I got. I’m sure it’s what he’ll get, too, if he hears about this after he specifically told you there was no threatening involved. Are you, by any chance, calling Boss a liar?”
“That’s not what I said.”