“Oh yeah, and I made a huge ass out of myself, because I found out that he’d wanted to have a role in my life the entire time, but my mom cut him out.” Not that I blame my mom. She was scared and alone, and he had money and a family. “I also found out that his wife had gotten pregnant a few months before my mom did, so not only did I have a dad who wanted to be part of my life, but I also had a half brother. At first I didn’t believe him—I mean, why should I take his word over my mom’s, right? I figured I’d be fine with taking his money and telling him to fuck the hell off.”
Teagan tucks her feet under her and shifts so she’s facing me, her posture relaxing. “What happened to change that?”
“I met my half brother, Devon. We had similar interests, and my dad was determined to give me every damn opportunity he could to succeed. Devon and I ended up in the same dorm, on the same floor, down the hall from each other. We both played for the school football team. We were in the same year and even had a couple of the same classes together. We couldn’t avoid each other. He became my best friend.”
She stretches her arm across the back of the couch, fingers close to my shoulder but not quite touching. “How did your mom react to that?”
“I’d only ever planned to take my dad’s money and get the education I needed so I could have a better life, like she wanted me to. But then I got to know Devon and my dad. It was . . . so different than what I’d been led to believe.” I’d wanted to hate Devon, for having everything I didn’t—a father, an easy life—but it hadn’t been like that at all. He’d suffered, too, through his parents’ divorce, the custody battle. We both had our crosses to bear. “It was like my dad was trying to make up for eighteen years of missed opportunities, always trying to buy me stuff. Make me comfortable. Give me experiences I’d never had before. I went on a spring break vacation with him and my brother. It was amazing, but it also felt like a betrayal to my mom.”
Her expression shifts, sadness settling behind her eyes. “You never told her?”
“I didn’t want to hurt her like that. At the beginning I honestly believed I’d cut ties when I was done with school.” But the more time I spent with them, the more I realized that my mom had been wrong about them, or at least things had changed since she’d gotten pregnant.
“But you didn’t finish your degree.” There are questions lurking in her eyes. Ones that are hard to answer.
“They made me part of their family.” I swallow down the bile as I fight to keep my voice even. “And then Devon died.”
“Oh, Aaron.” Teagan covers her mouth with her palm, and her eyes take on that soft, watery quality, as though she’s fighting not to shed tears. “I’m so sorry.”
“Yeah, me too. His girlfriend at the time, Lydia, was pregnant. It was fucking tragic.” And it was my fault.
She covers my hand with hers, and I allow that moment of comfort, even though I shouldn’t. “You all must have been so devastated. What happened?”
“We were. He died of hypothermia. It was . . . I couldn’t handle it. So I ended up dropping out and coming back to Pearl Lake. But I go visit them every month. And my mom thinks I’m seeing college friends. I never told her that they’re still part of my life. Or how close I was to my half brother.”
“She didn’t know they were here last weekend?”
I shake my head. “I usually go to them, not the other way around, because I didn’t want to upset my mom. No one in Pearl Lake knows about my family in Indiana. I’ve avoided having them here because then people would ask questions. I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to have to keep that secret for me.” And I didn’t want her to see me for who I really am. Selfish, thoughtless, unworthy.
“What changed to make you want them here?”
“It was Jamie’s birthday this weekend, and he wanted to come to the lake, and I couldn’t keep saying no to him.” It’s almost a relief not to have to guard this secret from Teagan anymore. “There’s a birthday party for him next weekend, so I’m going back up. You can come if you want, meet my dad and Jamie and Lydia, who would have been my sister-in-law if we hadn’t lost Devon.”
“I don’t want to intrude on family time,” she says softly.
“It wouldn’t be an intrusion. They all want to meet you.”
“You told them about me?” She seems surprised.
“Yeah. They were pretty ridiculous about it. Mostly because I haven’t had a girlfriend before. Not since college, anyway.”
“I’d love to meet them.”
CHAPTER 18
PIECES OF THE WHOLE
Teagan
Over the past several months I’ve learned a lot about dealing with Aaron. Every time we take a step forward, it feels like it’s followed by another half step back. So I don’t push him to talk about his brother, Devon, even though I’m very aware that there’s far more to the story than he’s shared up to this point.
Not telling his mother about his relationship with his dad, or the fact that he spent four years developing a strong bond with his half brother, only to lose him, tells me that there’s a lot more damage than Aaron maybe realizes.
So I accept what he offers, and I wait for our weekend with his family, when I’m sure I’ll get more pieces of the story, such as how his brother died and why Aaron has spent the years since then existing but not really living.
I’m very familiar with what that looks like. I watched my dad do the same thing for nearly two decades. It took losing Bradley—in a way—for him to finally start living again.
Aaron puts up a carefree front, but under that is a very vulnerable, broken man. And I’m hoping this weekend will shed some light on why that is. And maybe, if he’ll let me, I can be someone he leans on for support while he heals. Just like he’s been someone I can lean on while I figure out who I am, sometimes without even knowing it.
“I should tell you that Lydia has no chill, and she’s probably going to embarrass the heck out of me as a result.”
We’re an hour outside Chesterton. We took my car in part because it’s better on gas and Aaron doesn’t want to put the miles on his work truck.
“How is she going to embarrass you?” I ask.
“By fawning all over you and telling you how happy she is that I finally have a girlfriend. I’m just preparing you for it.”
He looks nervous, so I give his thigh a squeeze. “It’s going to be fine. And I’m excited to meet them too.”
Aaron’s father’s house is massive, which is not a surprise. It looks like a much larger version of the houses on the rich side of Pearl Lake. It reminds me of the kind of house I grew up in. Except we had a pool and a tennis court.
“This is beautiful.”
“My entire house in Pearl Lake could fit in the garage twice. It’s easy to lose people in this place.”
“Do Jamie and Lydia live close by?”
“Yeah. They’re only about ten minutes away. They used to live here when Jamie was a baby, but Lydia got her own place once Jamie was in kindergarten. They still spend a lot of time together, though.”