Alisha nods. “People are more complex than what these animal traits imply,” she says, her lips forming a tight line. “And there’s so much variety within each animal sign.”
“Welcome to the twenty-first century,” I say with a sigh. “I guess all animal signs will be matched in one way or another instead of following tradition.” This thought pains me. “We can’t let them take advantage of people like this! Maybe they’ll never make it through beta because of terrible reviews. It’ll be so bad that people will realize that there’s a lot more to zodiac matchmaking than simply pairing animals together.”
I watch as the crowd continues growing around the ZodiaCupid booth. Bennett shakes hands with a few audience members, his face beaming with pride. From my corner, I can hardly see his dimples, but I remember them so vividly that he might as well be standing right in front of me.
“Their app will crash and die a fabulous death before ever making it to launch,” Alisha snickers.
I narrow my eyes at Bennett from across the room. “I guess we’ll just have to wait and see.”
Chapter 4
Turns out, I’m not so good at waiting. After a long day of conference sessions and networking, I’m still obsessing over ZodiaCupid. At least now I have my cat, Pinot, take-out pizza, and an actual bottle of Pinot. I lean against my velvet pink couch in my apartment as Pinot purrs in my lap. I finish off my first glass of wine, a celebratory drink for my first day and for remaining calm and collected about the whole ZodiaCupid disaster.
My mind recalls the two women’s words at the conference about matching with Bennett. Like that’d be fun. All he’d probably do is talk about his business nonstop, the latest features, and how ZodiaCupid is going to change the world. That’s not…wait.
That could be useful. But I’d have to match with him first, and what are the chances of that? I would need to know what animal sign he is, though that probably doesn’t matter since ZodiaCupid matches anyone and everyone. Of course, I wouldn’t tell him who I am. Or is that not ethical? But if I pay for the date? Then it’s more of a work lunch. Or a business dinner. Or a work meeting, or whatever.
If I could match with him, I’d test out the app, go on a date, and crush his ego so much that he doesn’t want to do the app anymore. Or I could be so horrible that he’d feel wary about sending any other users out on dates with complete strangers. I pour myself a second glass of wine and swirl it around in the glass.
On my phone, I tap into a press release from today to read more about ZodiaCupid.
New Dating App Matches Zodiac Animal Signs Together
By Miranda Moore October 5, 2020 11:30 am PT
Move over, Cupid, there’s a new matchmaker coming to town. His name is Bennett O’Brien, and he’s created an app to help others, and himself, find love. Inspired by Bennett’s Chinese roots, ZodiaCupid is a dating app that pairs people based on their Chinese zodiac animal signs. It’s coming to an app store near you on the Lunar New Year, which happens to fall just two days before Valentine’s Day next year.
Based out of Los Angeles, ZodiaCupid is currently in beta testing. O’Brien, LA’s most eligible bachelor and Year of the Rat, is a tech-savvy entrepreneur who has helped guide other start-ups to success in his roles as founder, consultant, and investor.
Of course the founder of our new competition is a Rat, my exact opposite sign. I guess it makes sense. Rats do tend to have an inborn entrepreneurial sense. Clearly, he’s a self-made man and a natural-born leader. In normal circumstances, Horses and Rats would never be matched, but this is ZodiaCupid. Anything goes.
I could set up a date and then stand him up. No one likes to be ghosted. But that doesn’t help me. I can go on a date, order the most expensive meal, pre-order my dessert, head to the bathroom, and then never come back. Diabolical, but not strategic. Maybe I could write an exposé about how ZodiaCupid is a total scam. They’ll call me Olivia Farrow. Alisha does know someone at WhizDash. I need to match with this man, go on a date, milk him for all the information he’s got, and then write a scathing tell-all.
That’s it!
With my beta Horse profile activated, there’s only one way in. I just need to make some minor changes. I read the press release again slowly, fixating on each and every word to find ones I can use in my profile to match with Bennett. I throw in a few personal ones so that the algorithm doesn’t flag me as a bot or something.
To some it’s unpopular, but I’m a sucker for…nights in with a good book. Baseball game soft pretzels. Pinot Noir and pizza nights.
The best place I ever traveled was…Rome. They say Paris is the City of Love, but true love is actually pasta.
I’ll try anything once…like ZodiaCupid and celebrating Valentine’s Day.
He’s probably the type of person who would share the who, what, when, where, and why of his own app in his dating profile. That’s easy promotion. I wouldn’t put it past him.
I’ll pick up the tab…if you can actually tell me, in order, the Chinese zodiac animal signs.
Midway down the screen, a pop-up box interrupts my flow.
Prepare those paintbrushes, Horses! You share an animal sign with Rembrandt. You’re artistic by nature.
“Oh, look. Generic fun facts about the animal signs,” I say sarcastically. “This is where we can play to our advantage. We take the time to get to know our clients, Pinot. We don’t brushstroke their animal signs over them.” Still, I’m momentarily distracted by what Horse traits Rembrandt must’ve possessed.
I take a sip of wine. A sinking feeling whirls in my stomach. What if people using the app match with my fake profile? Then they’ll feel led on and think that the nonexistent person on the other end is purposely ignoring them. I’m not trying to break anyone’s heart. Pó Po and Auntie would be so disappointed if they knew what I was up to.
Pó Po’s advice when we were in initial discussions for me to take over Lunar Love echoes through my head. If you take on more than you can chew, you’ll choke, she instructed. I push her words out of my mind. In order to survive, we have to eat everything. I suppose it’s a small sacrifice for exposing the truth.
I feel like I’m trying to fly to the moon on a sailboat. I take a deep breath. I can’t bring love to the world if Lunar Love doesn’t exist. I tap Save on my profile and watch as more animal noises trickle in, waiting to see if a certain Rat will squeak at me.
I flip through the channels on TV to find a new distraction, landing on a docuseries about the deep sea. It feeds into my curiosity and fears. But being in the ocean is different than observing it from the comforts of my studio apartment. The distraction attempts don’t work for long. I let the episode play in the background as I continue studying the press release. Another form of feeding my curiosity and fears.
“One thing that differentiates us is that we aren’t showing images of users in the profiles. Eighty-five percent of people we surveyed preferred not to show photos, so we eliminated the need for it. We’re about personality traits, not how people look. Our concept is based loosely on the Chinese zodiac animal sign traits, but we do things our own way,” O’Brien shares. “After all, traditions were meant to be broken.”