“Neither of us should have to change who we are to be together,” I say, trying to swallow the aching. “And I don’t think either of us can stand another heartbreak.”
Bennett’s face clouds over with hurt. “No one’s asking you to change. You speak so highly of emotion and human connection, yet here I am trying, and you’re not willing to see it from another perspective. You’re being so damn stubborn. We’ve been getting along, despite our so-called incompatibility, despite our jobs.”
“Lunar Love isn’t a job. It’s my life.”
“Isn’t what we feel real? Because it’s real for me.” He takes a step closer and reaches for my hand. “Can’t you give us a chance? I don’t want to lose you.”
“This way you won’t,” I tell him.
I stare at Bennett as all my conflicting emotions wear me down. For a fleeting moment when our hands touch, a life together feels possible. But it’s an illusion. We were born when we were born. We are what we are.
“I’m sorry. I just…can’t.” I extract my hand from his and turn to leave, disappearing into the herd of animals.
A throbbing sting crawls its way up the back of my throat, working its way to my eyes. Tears stream down my cheeks and onto the sticky ground, carrying my mustache with it.
Chapter 20
The sun slowly appears over the horizon, its rays poking up from behind the jagged hills. I push my sunglasses up the bridge of my nose to cover my puffy eyes from a week of on-and-off crying. Bennett and I are better off without each other. Our traits won’t clash to the point of destruction, and he won’t have to lose someone again. Neither will I.
I find Alisha, who’s graciously agreed to join me this morning, at the bottom of the trail stretching out her quad muscles. Even at 6:00 a.m., she looks stylish in her leopard high-waisted leggings and crop top.
“Ready?” I ask.
Alisha stands with her hands placed firmly on her hips and nods begrudgingly.
We begin our journey up the path toward the Griffith Observatory, home to space and science exhibits and telescopes that transport visitors to the cosmos. Used as the backdrop for many Hollywood movies, Griffith Observatory is a white concrete structure topped with penny-colored domes resting on the slope of Mount Hollywood in Griffith Park. In the morning light, the cobalt blues and dusty purples of the park glow.
“I don’t know how you got me to do this. Thank god for gel undereye patches. You’ve got to try this new brand I found. My eyebags look nonexistent, right?” she says.
All week, she’s tried to distract me from thinking about Bennett. Her energy is usually contagious, but as of late, it hasn’t quite caught on.
“Like it was fifty percent off at Chanel. Not a bag in sight,” I deadpan.
Alisha laughs. “Oh, sweetie. As if Chanel would ever have a sale.” She stares up at the mountain with a look of dread. “You promise the view at the top will be Instagram-worthy?”
“It’s worth the burn,” I assure her.
We follow the zigzags of the well-worn path, nodding to fellow early birds getting their heart rates up. Alisha breathes heavily and stays a few steps behind me. We take a few breaks around every other bend so her heart doesn’t “pop.”
I’m quiet for the first half up the mountain, trying to sweat out any remaining tears still inside of me. It’s for the best, I repeat to myself. There’s a Bennett-sized hole that can’t be patched up. I’m walking at a snail’s pace, trying to work through my thoughts while stepping one foot in front of the other.
“Liv,” Alisha starts, “we can head back down if you’re not up to this.”
“I can do this,” I say, pushing through the hurt. “I know I’m no fun to be around right now.”
We pass a girl using her phone. On her screen is a monkey icon. “Give me a break!” I shout. “We’re on a mountain. This is a ZodiaCupid-free zone.”
The girl glances up and shoots me a dirty look.
I stand on my toes to get a better look at her screen. “You’re a beta tester, though? On a scale of Strongly Dislike to Absolutely Despise, how much do you hate the app so far?”
Alisha grabs my arm and pulls me away from the hiker. “Sorry! Have a lovely day!” she calls out to the girl, who’s already started jogging away from us.
“You’re scaring innocent hikers,” Alisha says, tugging me along.
“If they’re using ZodiaCupid, they’re not so innocent,” I mumble.
We find a spot on a bench just below the Observatory, overlooking the city, and sit for a water break. I stretch my legs out in front of me, recalling out of nowhere that this is where Bennett has his Shoot for the Stars volunteering every week.
A more serious look settles on Alisha’s face. “You know I love you. And I love Lunar Love,” she says. Then in a more playful tone, she adds, “But damn, you are stubborn.”
A laugh escapes me.
“Joining your family’s business was the best thing I’ve ever done. Helping people find love is truly a dream job,” she adds.
I nod. “You’ve made Lunar Love better.”
“Thank you. We always talk about how people are complex and that their signs aren’t the only thing that makes them who they are,” she says. “Right?”
“It’s true,” I agree. “Humans are more complicated.”
“I’ve never seen you be so die-hard about compatibility until your last breakup. And I don’t only mean the one with your ex-boyfriend.”
“And the one time I dated someone incompatible, well, we know what happened,” I say defensively. “Since I was a kid, I’ve been learning about and promoting compatibility.”
“But not like this.” Alisha tugs at her leggings. “I know you’re the matchmaker who can’t be matched, but what if you’re the only one who believes that?”
I draw circles in the dirt with the tip of my shoe and stay quiet.
“What happened is in the past, but it’s very much affecting your present and future,” Alisha says. “It seems to me you’re clinging to the idea of compatibility because you’re scared. You’re scared that you’ll lose someone you love again, and that by not honoring the traditional way of matchmaking, you’ll also lose Lunar Love.”
“I’ve lost love before,” I say, “but I don’t think I could bear losing Lunar Love.”
“No one doubted your ability to matchmake after what happened with your ex and friend. So what if you dated an animal sign that didn’t pair well with yours? You could’ve had the same result even if he were compatible.”
“But when I doubted my beliefs, that happened. It’s better to not question them anymore,” I say. I distanced myself to avoid feeling the way I feel right now. So if I still feel like this, what was it all for?
“So you want to stay on the safe path,” Alisha says, air quoting safe. “You’re not someone who sits back idly while others take risks. You go after what you want. You always have. Just as you’d do everything you could to save Lunar Love, why wouldn’t you do everything you could to be happy?”