These pre-date rituals are somewhat non-applicable. I don’t have a gym membership or need a tan …
They also sound expensive. Is this why men are expected to pay for dates? We’ve spent all our money just getting ready …
Location: this is pretty obvious, but you want to pick somewhere familiar and public just to give you that secure footing. You know how much the food will cost, in case chivalry is dead, you know the dress code and the ambience of the place. And, for extra measure, make sure you tell at least one friend or family member who you’re meeting, where you’re going and what time you expect to return—you know, just in case!
“Watch it!” A man and his briefcase push into me and give me a dirty look （the man, not the briefcase） before walking on. My fault for stopping in a stream of pedestrian traffic, but in my defense—if anyone cared to ask—I’d just discovered that Ben could be a potential serial killer and I his next victim.
I move aside and stand in the entranceway of a closed bank.
Google: Is a first date at his house normal?
Nicole91: So I met this guy at a coffee shop and we really hit it off. After we exchanged numbers he sends me a text asking if I’d like to have dinner with him at his place. I’ve only met him once and we got on well but I don’t really know him. I like him though and he seems like a genuinely good guy. Should I go to his house for dinner?
SarahTK: Ted Bundy seemed like a genuinely good guy too.
Kathy78: I think it’s okay to go to a man’s house on a 1st date but only if you trust him.
Anon: Trusting him doesn’t mean anything. We’ve all been duped before. What if people who know him are like yeah he has first dates at his place all the time, it’s completely normal for him and you just happen to be unlucky girl no. 8 and that’s when he murders you? But everyone will back him up because, first of all he’s a man, secondly what idiot woman goes to someone’s house on the first date? （It’s not his fault she gave him the opportunity to murder her, right?） And third, the other dates he’s been on will be like yeah I met him at his place and he was a gentleman and I’m still alive.
If I was a murdering sociopath that’s how I’d do it. #justsaying #savethewhales #seriouslyguysourplanetisdying
Simone_G: I think a first date at his house is a sign of maturity because he’s not afraid to show you where he lives. It means he wants something long-term. Just let him know that your friends know where you are.
Leela: Run girl. Run far and run fast.
Helpful. Back to Lisa Fiener.
Conversation: being caught off guard or stuck in awkward silence is the bane of every first date. It’s bound to happen if you don’t know each other very well, or even if you’ve exhausted all your get-to-know-you questions beforehand. To combat this, you’ll want a list of things you can talk about to keep the conversation flowing. Here are my top three conversation starters:
Given the choice of four people in the world, dead or alive, who would you invite to a dinner party?
What’s your most treasured memory?
What would constitute a perfect day for you?
But these sound almost like interview questions? Are dates basically interviews now?
You also want to keep the conversation light. Avoid ex-girlfriends, crazy family members, and politics on a first date. You want to have fun! If you feel you might struggle to do this, read my other article here on how to be an interesting date.
Fucking hell. Lisa’s been through the wringer.
Body language: underrated yet so crucial! Eye contact can be a great way of showing interest, but also disconcerting and intense on a first date, especially if you’re not much of a blinker. Tread carefully, is what I’m saying. Mirroring, fronting, and leaning in are clear signs of interest but make sure to employ with care.
Google: Is pre-date exhaustion a thing?
* * *
I have a date with a man tomorrow night. This will be my first date in eight years and I imagine the rules of courtship have changed dramatically since then.
Back then, when a boy said, “Hey, wanna go out?” and you said “Yeah,” that meant you were officially in a relationship, but with adult dating comes the word “exclusive.” One date does not mean you’re exclusive and just because I’ve agreed to the date doesn’t mean he’s my boyfriend. I might not even be Ben’s only date this week.
When I let myself into the flat, my head is buzzing with information and survival tips.
“Maddie?”
I’d almost walked past the kitchen without noticing Jo was in there … and she’s an interesting sight. She’s wearing a chunky, red, bejeweled headband, a floor-length, white-fringed powder-blue dress, an assortment of bracelets, and reindeer slippers.
“Hi, sorry. My head’s somewhere else.”
“I could tell,” she says. “You looked a little dazed.”
She’s using the frying pan I brought with me, which is a little annoying because it’s the only nonstick one in the cupboard and she never washes it straight after. I was planning to fry some fish for dinner, but that’s not going to happen now.
Jo turns away from the carrots she’s cutting. “Before I forget, I’m having a few friends round tomorrow night for drinks. Want to join?”
“Oh, I can’t. I … I have a date.”
Jo throws her hands up and squeals with excitement. It’s just unfortunate I’ve caught her mid-chopping session, and she’s yet to put the knife down because she now straddles the thin line between encouraging and threatening.
Cam’s door opens. “I heard screaming,” she says, rounding the corner in baggy shorts and a plain T-shirt. “Who’s getting murdered, and can they keep it down?” She clocks Jo’s knife and stops dead. “Oh, shit. Is someone getting murdered?”
“No! Maddie’s got a date!”
“Oh, cool,” Cam says, reaching for the kettle. “The Ben guy?”
I nod. “He called me this afternoon and invited me to dinner at his.” I decide to swap out the faceless mask of Google for actual three-dimensional people and ask, “Is that weird?”
“Yes,” Cam says.
“Not at all,” Jo says.
Cam raises her mug. “It was nice knowing you, Maddie.”
Jo swipes at Cam with her knife-free hand. “Shut up. Maddie, don’t listen to her. It’s impressive he’s given you his address!” she tells me. “What if he had plans to suddenly ghost you? If you wanted answers, you could just show up at his house and he knows that.” She narrows her eyes at Cam and says, “Maturity.”
Cam narrows her eyes back. “Murderer.”
“You’ve said ‘murder’ three times since stepping into this kitchen,” Jo remarks. “So you’re done. Maddie, just send me the address if you’re concerned and let him know that your flatmates know where you are.”
“But don’t tell him where we live,” Cam adds. “In case he comes here to finish the job.”
Jo tuts. “What’s his address?”
I forward it to her via WhatsApp.
“SW five,” she says. “Fancy!”
“It is?” I ask.