Ben
Look at us. You went from taking a week to reply to under a minute and now we’re going on our third date
Maddie
?
But something about his message jars me. It’s the mention of our third date.
Google: Does a third date mean sex?
That Dating Life
The three-date rule is more of an American invention, so does it apply to those of us across the pond? Well, if it’s a rule you want to follow, it really means that if you don’t want to be considered a whore/slut/fuck buddy, then you need to wait at least three paid dates （so a walk in the park doesn’t count） before having sex. Of course, this rule applies strictly to women.
The Girl Next Door There’s only a wrong way to have sex when dating and that’s being pressured into it. The only “rule” you need to stick to is having sex when you want to.
Google: How do I know if I’m ready to have sex?
Carmen: You just know
Tiffany: Unfortunately you tend to find out after you have sex I think I’m ready to have sex. I’m officially closer to thirty than twenty, so I should be ready. I must be almost a decade behind most women. But we’re going to the cinema; we won’t have sex in the cinema. Maybe I should casually suggest going back to his place after. What’s the code word: nightcap?
Is it weird there’s a part of me that wants this over with? Probably, but best to save further ruminations on that for when I can afford a therapist.
Maybe it’s not that weird. Maybe that time in my life—the rose petals on the bed and lit candles on the floor—is over, or just not me. Will I regret it, though? Ben knows I’m a virgin, so if it is going to happen on our third date, does he have something special planned? How will I feel if he doesn’t?
* * *
Ben
So sorry. I’m running late. Work’s been chaos. I’ve already brought the tickets to collect so I’ll meet you inside. Order number is 37715. Don’t buy a thing. All the snacks are on me. X
Maddie
Okay, see you soon xx
I back away from the line gratefully as the prices are eye-watering. We’re—or rather I’m—on Portobello Road in Electric Cinema. I’ve never been here before and after a quick Google search I find out why.
Boasting rows of armchairs, footstools, side tables, double beds, cashmere blankets, and a giant screen, the Electric Cinema promises a one-of-a-kind cinematic experience. Ultimate comfort combined with a unique movie-dining experience, available from the cinema’s own fully licensed bar serving a selection of cocktails, wine, beer, and champagne, with an extensive food menu to match.
With red and cream decor, decorative arches, and old-fashioned lamps, the Electric Cinema is sure to give you ultimate 1920s vibes. There’s truly no movie experience like it. However, you get what you pay for, with tickets alone ranging from ?22 and up.
Should I sleep with Ben only if he’s my boyfriend? Is Ben my boyfriend? How does one acquire this information? Will he ask me to be his girlfriend or does sex have to come first for compatibility reasons?
I find our seats: a velvet sofa bed with blankets and a long table at the end. I settle in and sigh in comfort.
Sex is painful the first time—I know that much. What else do I know? Well, let’s consider my three main sources of sex education—ironically enough, school didn’t make the list.
Church （We didn’t have the birds-and-the-bees chat at home. More the fire and brimstone lecture in church. All I definitively learned about sex was that doing it outside of marriage was to be avoided at all costs because it held the weightiest of consequences if not.）
Avi （less basics, more advanced, anal-based stuff）
The media （books and TV unhelpfully depicting a couple intrinsically knowing what to do in order to highlight their compatibility to the audience）
Should I ask Jo? Or is it a weird thing to text someone: How do I do sex?
How do I do it? Can I just lie there? Should I have watched porn? Can I watch porn and step into church without bursting into flames?
Don’t be so childish, Maddie. Everyone watches porn.
Or do they?
Google: How to lose your virginity?
Note to self: Delete search history in case I suddenly die a mysterious death and the police go through my phone for clues.
Things to know about sex before you lose your virginity There’s no denying that many of us girls have been failed by our parents and school classes when it comes to learning the realities of sex. Because there is so much we haven’t been told, some of us （looks in the mirror） have had to learn the hard way. Here’s a list of things I wish I’d known before I starting “doing it.”
So those hilarious anecdotes about men climaxing within minutes aren’t just a cliché. It’s actually common for a man to ejaculate faster than you—or they—expected.
Here’s one I really wish someone had told me. Even if he does/can take his time, you probably won’t climax the first time you have sex. Great if you do （！）， but reasons why you might not range from legit medical conditions, endometriosis for example （at which point you should consult a doctor）， to your mental state on the night.
Can I remember all of this? Should I be taking notes?
How is your mental state, Maddie? The word “questionable” comes to mind.
It’s completely normal to feel physical discomfort the first time you have sex. It will have a lot to do with our old science pal Friction. The ease of penetration is dependent on lubrication. Vaginas tend to produce natural lube by getting “wet,” but if this isn’t enough, using lube will help and is absolutely necessary for anal play as the anus—
That’s enough of that.
Google: At what age did you lose your virginity?
Reddit: When did you lose your V-card and what happened?
I was 16 and my boyfriend lied about not being a virgin. He didn’t know what he was doing and I bled all over his bed. I had to help him do the laundry because he didn’t know how to do that either —Davina I was 15 and it was horrible. We’d only been going out for a few weeks but I thought I loved him. Sex lasted 10 seconds—I counted. He said sorry then cried for half an hour —Poppy This is brutal.
I was 16 and it was great. He played the Lord of the Rings soundtrack which really got me in the mood —Hallie It was summer, and I was 16. My parents were away for the weekend so I was home alone and my beautiful next-door neighbor, straight 10/10, had just broken up with her boyfriend and needed a shoulder to cry on, so I invited her round to watch a movie.…
What in the Wattpad is this?
I was 15 and with my boyfriend of six months. We did stuff before that like me giving him hand jobs blow jobs and him fingering me sometimes Fifteen? What was I doing at fifteen? Did I still have a Tamagotchi? Whatever happened to those things?
It was towards the end of the school year, spring, and I remember the sun being out. It was warmer than usual. I’d just gotten out of detention Oh, fuck off.
“Sorry I’m late.”
“Ben!” I drop my phone and thankfully it lands screen down.
“You look guilty,” he says, passing me my phone without looking at it. He looks too harried to have been paying any proper attention. I notice subtle dark shadows under his eyes and I wonder if he’d rather be home with a glass of wine and an early night, but he’s chosen to see me instead.