“Good for you.” He seems to genuinely mean it.
“You didn’t seem that surprised to see me.”
“Well, I wasn’t sure I would. I knew I’d be seeing members of Marketing, Sales, Publicity, and Editorial, but I assumed only Penny and Thea from the latter.” He looks at the door briefly. “Maddie, will you have dinner with me? How do you feel about burgers?”
“It’s one of my favorite food groups but … you’re asking me on a date? Can we do that?”
“How do you mean?”
“What about Jo?”
“Is me having…” He presses his lips together and thinks of a better way to define their relationship. “Is the two of us having been involved a problem for you?”
“Shouldn’t it be?”
He smiles. “Are you asking me, Maddie?”
“Right.” I shake my head. “I should make that decision.”
“For what it’s worth,” he says, briefly holding out his hand as if to physically offer me his thoughts, “I really hope it isn’t a problem.” I think about how both of mine could fit into one of his. “Jo’s great, as you know.”
Debatable.
“But we didn’t make much sense outside of … well.”
I nod, only eighty percent sure he’s referring to their physical relationship.
He gestures to the notebook and pen I have pressed to my chest. Inside the cover, he writes down a number and hands it back to me. “Ball’s officially in your court. Just think about it. If it is too uncomfortable a thought, ‘no, thank you, Sam’ is a viable message to send me.” He smiles again and I judge him, wondering if he’s ever really heard those four words from a woman before.
“Okay.”
“And if you do decide to message me,” he says, “will you mind if I don’t pick OTP to work with?”
“Of course not, but I think you should pick us.”
“Why’s that?” He leans forward and whispers, “I thought they were stealing your ideas.”
Shit. “First of all, everything I told you was strictly confidential and cannot be used against us. Second of all, your editor would be Thea and you shouldn’t tar every editor with the same brush.”
“Fair point.”
“And third of all, I could give you the usual speech that every publisher in this auction has given you, about how hard they work, how much they love you and your art and their promise to do big things and make you the next XYZ, but I think you noticed we didn’t say too much of that. We tell you what we know we can do, which is impressive in and of itself, then when you sign our contract, we go away and figure out how we’re going to do better. That’s what we do here. We do more and we do better.” I lift my chin. “It’s also worth mentioning that I might be part of your editorial team and I’ve recently been told I have very good ideas. Fresh ideas.”
“Wow, I’ll keep that in mind,” he says, smiling. “Fresh ideas, you say? Well, it would be foolish to turn that down.”
Chapter Forty-one
How do I feel about Sam?
That’s a good question. What I know is that he’s handsome, tall, soft-spoken, and creative. He might also be funny and kind, but I’ve realized these things must prove themselves in time in order to be true. I know he and Jo have history, casual history, but history nonetheless.
Google: Should I date a flatmate’s casual ex?
The nuance of my request proves too much for Google to comprehend and instead throws up responses for: Can I date my friend’s ex? I briefly consider the fact that my first descriptor for Jo is not “friend” but the more ambiguous “flatmate.”
Grace: Absolutely not
Erin: Is he tall?
Olu: Depends how close you are. If she’s your best friend then no but if you just know her like if you saw her on the street you might not even wave, then it’s fine Megan: Were they official or was it some kind of 2 week thing Debs: How did they end things? If he cheated on her that means you don’t care about her feelings or how the relationship affected her. If it was amicable then I don’t see why not Maddie
Jo’s ex （casual sex, no relationship I think） asked me out to dinner. Should I go?
Shu
Who’s Jo?
Nia
Is he nice?
Maddie
Jo’s my flatmate
I think so
Nia
You could use some nice
Shu
The one we don’t like? Go for it.
You and her ain’t even close so why not?
Maddie
Well, if we look at Dante’s Inferno, the ninth circle of Hell is reserved for women who betray other women.
Shu
Who the fuck is Dante Inferno?
Nia
If you want to feel less guilty maybe you should talk to Jo See how she feels
But you know you don’t have to say yes when a guy asks you out Right?
Maddie
I know
Shu
I have to get back to work. I’ll check in later
Maddie
Sorry, Shu. I forget you don’t like group chats
Nia
You don’t have to date if you don’t want to. If it were me, after the couple of months you’ve had, I’d move to the woods
Maddie
It has been pretty full on, huh?
Nia
Talk to Jo
Update us
Shu
If she tries to swing at you lemme know
After work I find Jo in the garden sat in a chair with her head back, appealing to the lowering sun.
“Mind if I sit?”
With trepidation, she responds, “Sure.”
Her top is off-shoulder and thin blue veins trail her skin, whilst brown freckles fill in the gaps. I think about how I’ve only noticed how many freckles she has nearing the end of my time here.
“Firstly, I’m going to be moving out to live with my friend Nia.”
She looks at me. “Why aren’t you telling this to Cam, too?”
“She already knows.” Jo pushes her mouth down and shrugs subtly. “Secondly, Sam came into OTP. We’re hoping to publish his next set of illustrations. He asked me to have dinner with him and I’m going to say yes.”
Jo breathes through her nose, and rubs her left eye with the heel of her palm. “I knew it,” she says. “He kept looking at you.” She turns away to stare at the ground. Where Sam sat only yesterday. “Here, in the garden for my birthday. I thought you were genuinely oblivious, then you went to ‘stretch your legs’ and he followed.”
I hear her quote marks. “That is what happened, at least on my end,” I tell her. “It wasn’t orchestrated.”
“You sure?”
“Why would we do that?”
Jo returns her attention to the sun. “What you do is your business, Maddie. I suppose it’s convenient you’re leaving; it would piss me off having to hear you fucking him from across the landing.”
The last bit of what she says draws my head back; the flippancy and lack of emotion behind it makes it seem like that’s who she thinks I am. That I’d date Sam to upset her or because I’ve got nothing better to do.
Because I’m tired, I say, “Sorry.”
When she looks at me I’m reminded of the Jo I met for the first time. It’s strange that she looks so much older now, tenser and a little tired. Is that my doing? My presence in the flat and in her life? I forget that people don’t just affect me, but that I affect others—that I even can affect others. I assume people meet me, I leave, and their world carries on like it did before I arrived. I’m suddenly curious to know how Ben is doing. How Alex is doing.