“Jesus.” Jameson is perspiring as we fly through the streets of New York.
I get another contraction and I cry out in pain. “Ahhh.”
“Ahhhhhh,” he cries too as he reaches over and tries to put his hand up my dress. “What are you doing?” I yell.
“Just putting my hand there to stop it coming out.”
I swat him away. “You are the dumbest smart man I know,” I cry.
A few contractions and in the quickest time known to man we make it to the hospital and Jameson parks out the front in the no-standing area.
“You can’t park here,” I pant.
“I dare someone to try and stop me.” He runs around and opens the door and helps me out. We make our way up to the maternity ward, and although we have been here before on our tour, it all seems so much more real now. Jameson makes his way to the nursing station. “Hello, I called before. Emily has gone into labor.”
“Mr. Miles, yes.” The nurse smiles. “This way.”
We get to the room and the kind nurse hooks me up to a monitor and makes me comfortable. She seems so relaxed, just the opposite to how I’m currently feeling.
I wanted so badly to feel in control and calm, I was sure I was going to be a pro at this labor thing, so far I feel like a feral animal who is about to go through an exorcism.
The nurse smiles. “I’ll leave you alone for a little while, I’ll be back in a moment to check your reading.”
“Thanks.”
Bleep.
Bleep.
Bleep.
Bleep.
Jameson smiles as he stares at the baby’s heartbeat monitor, “Look how strong that heartbeat is, Em.” He sits on the side of the bed and smiles down at me; his demeanor has changed and he pushes the hair back from my forehead. “It’s going to be fine.”
Butterflies swirl in my stomach. “How do you know?”
“Because this baby has you as a mom.”
My eyes well with tears.
“And its father loves its mother so, so much.” He kisses my forehead.
Another contraction racks through my body and I begin to cry as fear fills me. “Jay, I don’t think I can do this,” I whisper in a panic. “I changed my mind; I changed my mind now.”
He holds my hand through it, finally it ends and I slump back into the mattress.
“It’s okay, sweetheart.”
“Is it?” I sob. “I knew it was going to be bad, I thought I had it in the bag but nothing can prepare you for this. It’s worse than I thought, Jay. Much worse.”
“You’re the strongest person I know, Em.”
“I don’t feel very strong right now.”
“You’ve got this babe; I know you do.” He holds my face in his hands and kisses me softly. “Bring our baby to life.”
My eyes search his.
“If I could do this for you, I would,” he whispers. “You know that I would.”
And that right there, those words put a fire in my belly.
He would do anything for me.
It’s me, it’s all me, I’m the only one who can do this for us. There is no shortcut.
I want to meet our baby.
I nod, filled with renewed determination.
“Let’s do this.”
Jameson
Five and a half hours later, with my heart in my throat, I watch on as Emily, the love of my life, moves heaven and earth.
This is without a doubt the most incredible thing I have ever borne witness to.
How women do this every day blows my mind, there are no words to describe the awe I have for the female race in this moment.
“Last push, Emily.”
The midwife smiles.
Em bears down and pushes hard and the baby slides out, the nurse picks it up and turns it over. “It’s a boy.”
“Waaaaaa!”
“A boy?” Emily laughs in relief.
The room blurs as I kiss my beautiful wife. “I’m so proud of you.” I hold her tight. “I love you so much, you did it, sweetheart, you did it.” I smile through tears. “Look at him.”
“I love you too.”
“Waaaaaa!” The baby screams harder. “Waaaaaa!”
I laugh as I wipe the tears that are running down my face.
Hands down the best day of my life.
They put the baby up onto her chest and we both stare at him in awe.
Chubby and covered in a white film, the cutest baby I ever saw.
So surreal.
“James.” Emily smiles down at her son. “You look like a James.”
“You sure you want two of us?” I smile.
“Positive.”
I hug Emily, close my eyes, and say a little prayer.
Thank you.
Emily
Seven days and seven nights is a long time to go without sleep. The sound of ten trumpets sounds through our bedroom, and it’s coming from the cradle at the end of our bed.
“Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa!”
It seems James has a penchant for screaming. It’s his favorite thing, he does it all day, he does it all night.
“Fuck me,” Jameson whispers. “What the hell is wrong with this baby?”
I smile up at the ceiling in the dark. “Just lie there quietly and he might go back to sleep.”
“Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa!”
“He’s not going back to sleep.”
I close my eyes, I’m honestly so exhausted that I can’t deal with this.
“What do I do?” Jameson whispers.
“He’s not hungry, check his nappy and, I don’t know, take him for a walk or something, I need to sleep, Jay. I have to get up and feed him in two hours, I’m delirious. I can’t deal with one more night of this.”
“You think I can?”
Jameson gets up and picks up the baby and looks down at him, “Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa!”
“What is wrong with you?”
“Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa!”
“You are supposed to be chill like your mother, not psychopathic like me.”
“Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa!”
I smile with my eyes closed as I listen to them.
“You don’t need to cry like that, nobody is murdering you…yet.”
I smile into my pillow.
“He said he wants scotch in his bottle.”
“He did not say that.”
“Oh that’s right, it was me, I want to drink scotch from the fucking bottle.”
I giggle.
“Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa!”
“You’re killing me, kid.” He changes his nappy and swaddles him. “Let’s go scream in the living room so Mom can sleep.”
“Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa!”
“You’re going in time-out, you naughty baby. Quit it.”
I smile as I begin to drift back to sleep.
“Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa! Waaaaaa!” James’ screams get softer as Jay takes him out of the bedroom.
I wake with a start; my breasts are pumping as I get a letdown.
“Shit, what time is it?” I sit up and rush out into the living room in a panic, and then smile when I see it.
Jameson is flat on his back on the couch with his son swaddled tightly and sleeping on his chest.
Not the first week I imagined having with our baby, there’s been tears and tantrums, breastfeeding issues and crying, so much crying, but it’s been precious just the same.