“I asked Derek not to tell you. But it’s progress, because we were able to get along. Right?” Chase raised his dark eyebrows, trying to affect a look of innocence. He was still in a charcoal gray suit from his game earlier, with his tie removed and the top buttons of his white dress shirt unbuttoned. It was hard as hell to get mad at him when he looked like this. And he knew it.
“Don’t change the subject.”
Then again, he did have a point. Derek and Chase agreed to meet, engaged in a discussion that must have been at least civil, and came to some kind of agreement. It was oddly encouraging—even if I wasn’t sure how I felt about the money part.
I frowned, twisting my leather purse strap in my hands. “Is that why Christmas is back on at my parents’ place? I’ve been racking my brain, trying to figure out how it’s suddenly possible from a financial perspective. You’re telling me that was you?”
“Possibly?” Chase gave me a sheepish look that cut through my defenses like a hot knife through butter.
He was great at evoking a specific combination of emotions in me—frustration mixed with amusement and affection. Lucky for him, it usually led to hot sex. If I wasn’t careful, he’d seduce his way out of answering my questions and we’d skip straight to the sex part.
“Was it?” I repeated, trying to stay firm. Thank god we were in his truck and not yet inside; if this conversation was happening in my bedroom, it would be taking a dramatically different trajectory.
“Technically, I offered him a long-term loan. What he did with it after that, I can’t say.”
I nodded but said nothing. My mind was trying to process the situation, but I was going in circles without any resolution as to how I felt.
“James.” Chase nudged me. “You mad?”
I turned to look at him. “I don’t know?”
Mad wasn’t the right word. Exasperated, maybe. And a war of other emotions raged in my mind in addition to that. The whole situation made me feel vulnerable, which was why I had hesitated to tell him in the first place.
Everything else aside, I’d forgiven Luke for doing so much worse—repeatedly. Thoughtless things, hurtful things, horrible things. It had my sense of right and wrong all kinds of skewed. I didn’t know what was and wasn’t worth getting upset over. Especially something with good intentions behind it from someone who’d been nothing but caring and thoughtful.
“I see what you were trying to do. But I can’t believe you did that.” The last words were harsh, but my tone wasn’t. Raking a hand through my hair, I nervously combed through the tangles at the ends. I was overdue for a haircut I couldn’t afford, which was ironic, given the topic at hand.
“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for going behind your back.” Reaching across the center console, Chase took my hand in his. His skin was warm and rough as he stroked my palm with his thumb, moving back and forth.
“I appreciate the apology.” My shoulders relaxed in response to the combination of his words and bodily contact. “How much did you give Derek, exactly?”
“Fifteen grand.”
My breath snagged. As in, fifteen, followed by three zeros?
“Carter.” I grimaced. “That’s a lot of money.” I could live off that amount for a long, long time. I lived on significantly less than that, in fact.
“I’ve spent money on worse things.”
I widened my eyes. “Fifteen thousand dollars’ worth?”
“Well, no,” he admitted. “I know I joke about being an idiot, but I’m responsible when it comes to finances. I’m not going to be one of those athletes who blows through his paychecks and ends up broke. My dad drilled being frugal into my head before I even learned how to count.”
“This isn’t what I would call being frugal.”
But the mention of his father made it that much harder to lean into being angry with him. Any time the subject came up, hints of vulnerability surfaced. And they so rarely did that I didn’t want to risk shutting him down emotionally.
“Do you want to get into the money thing?” he asked, tone gentle. “Because we can. I’m fine with it, but I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
Make me uncomfortable? I was already there. Chewing my bottom lip, I scanned my apartment building. Most of the windows were dark. A chill was seeping into the truck interior now that the engine was off. I wasn’t sure why we were still parked outside instead of going in, but it was difficult to pause the conversation now that we’d started.
“I don’t need specifics,” I said, glancing back over at him. “I’m just confused.”
“Let’s say that this amount of money isn’t enough to worry over. Promise.”
I shook my head. “Fifteen thousand dollars is a lot, no matter how you slice it.”
Chase uttered a cross between a sigh and a frustrated growl, slumping back in his seat. “I have no way to counter that without getting into specifics.”
I didn’t want to look like I was asking for his bank account balance, because I definitely wasn’t, so I changed the subject.
“Why didn’t you come to me about helping?”
“You would have said no.”
Defensiveness struck me, and I opened my mouth to protest.
But he gave me a look, cutting me off with his end-of-discussion voice. “Tell me it isn’t true.”
It was true. One hundred percent true. And we both knew it.
I pinched the bridge of my nose. “You’re the most stubborn person I know. You literally do whatever you want, don’t you?”
“Kind of, yeah. Been doing it for nearly a decade.” He looked down at where our hands were entwined on the black leather console between us. His brow furrowed, and he took a deep breath before meeting my gaze again. “After my dad died, my mom checked out mentally. I was forging signatures on school permission slips and completing my own hockey registration online by the time I was twelve. I’ve been calling the shots for almost as long as I can remember.”
My stomach pitched. More vulnerability, more difficulty staying angry with him. And honestly, this explained so much about the way Chase was. Stubborn, independent, and set in his own ways.
I knew, deep in my heart, that he’d done it because he cared and thought it was the right thing. It was the calling the shots without me part that was the issue.
“We have to be a team. You know, make big decisions together.”
“I know.” Chase tugged my hand and pulled me closer to him. “I guess some habits are hard to break. I’ll do better.”
“Okay.” I nodded. “That’s fair.”
He tipped my chin up, and his deep brown eyes held mine, so full of affection that it nearly made my heart burst. “I love you.”
“I love you.”
He slanted over the console, brushing his lips against mine for a heartbeat. Just long enough to make me melt but brief enough to leave me wanting more. He knew what he was doing—that simple act made me that much less angry and that much more distracted. A shiver ran down my body, whether from the chill or his kiss, I wasn’t sure. Probably both—the temperature inside the truck had dropped into unbearable territory, and my teeth were nearly chattering. Since Chase ran at a million degrees all the time, he hadn’t noticed, but I was turning into an icicle.