Do I really want this? Can I afford to be picky? I know it pays well and the benefits are bomb. Can I afford to flip him off and leave?
The women are nice. Maybe I can just deal.
The ladies leave the conference room one by one, filing out and leaving me alone with Prince Douchenozzle.
揅ongratulations,?he grinds out reluctantly.
揟hanks…I think??
The glare he levels could vaporize me several times over.
Yeah. If I want this position, I抦 definitely going to have my work cut out for me, and it抯 got nothing to do with the actual work.
Ida comes strolling back in with her laptop a minute later. 揥e still call it paperwork, but it抯 mostly digital.?
揥hat do you make at your current job??she asks.
揟hirty-five thousand a year.?
揥ait.?Burns throws up a hand, making an exasperated sound. 揧ou make thirty-five thousand dollars a year and you turned down five hundred dollars for a damn roll? And you called me insane??
Ignore him.
Easier said than done.
Ida scowls at him over her laptop.
揝tart her at ninety even with immediate performance incentives, plus the full match in her 401k,?he says.
Ninety thousand and then some?
To write?
Is this seriously happening?
揙h-kay.?Ida draws the word out so much it抯 almost two. 揥hen can you start, Dakota??
揝oon. I need to give two weeks?notice and tie up any loose ends before I棓
揝he抣l start Monday,?Burns tells her point-blank.
My toes curl up in my shoes.
揃ut I…I need to give two weeks?notice.?
揥hy抯 that, Miss Poe? It抯 not like they抮e paying you,?he snaps.
Woof. He抯 so rude.
揃ecause it抯 the right thing to do,?I say with a sniff.
He waves his hand dismissively.
揝o is paying your employees. Your choice, I suppose. You can start Monday with a job that pays more than double your current salary, or you can hang out at your discount agency and keep nibbling at crumbs. I need someone ready to dive in now.?
Well, thanks, Mr. Hardass.
He says it in a way that tells me he抯 not used to having people argue back, much less delay his beck and call.
揊ine. Can I get the offer in writing??I ask through clenched teeth.
He nods, never taking his eyes off me.
揌ave her sign off on it and send it over for my signature.?He turns and starts moving across the room, but stops with a hard glance over his shoulder. 揊ree tip: the next time you抮e in a job negotiation, don抰 tell anyone your current salary. It抯 none of their business. They抣l pay what you抮e worth and nothing else.?
Amazing. I never knew it was possible to hate a total stranger this much.
He strides out of the room with the air of a mafia don who抯 just given his new capo one chance not to wind up dismembered in a dog抯 dinner bowl.
Ida blinks and laughs awkwardly. 揧ou certainly bring out quite the reaction in our fearless leader.?
揝o, he抯 not always like that??
She twists her lips. 揌e抯 a hard worker and doesn抰 tolerate much foolery, but he抯 not usually such a jacka梑ad guy, I mean. Not usually.?
Awesome.
So I get to be the magnet for his lightning storm of assholery.
Why? All because I got to the freaking coffee shop before him and swiped the last cinnamon roll?
What a psycho.
A psycho who抯 willing to pay me almost six figures to work for him, but still…
Just what will this job cost me if Lincoln Burns stays obsessed with making my life suck?
揋ood Lord, I think I抦 high on the fumes alone,?I say, pushing into Eliza抯 apartment.
Her laughter echoes off the low ceiling. 揇o you want coffee??
揇o you have more of that sexy vanilla??
She shakes her head. 揑 brewed up a hazelnut cinnamon blend, a coconut, and chocolate pecan today. What抯 your poison??
揅hocolate pecan.?
揋ood choice. There抯 a vanilla scone with your name on it, though.?
揥hen are you opening a cafe??I demand, giving her a mock-stern look with my hands propped on my hips.
揂s soon as I have the money sometime this century. Commercial rent in this city ain抰 getting any cheaper.?Eliza heads for her kitchen coffee lab to start prepping 搕he caffeinated flight?as she calls it.
She抯 basically my dealer at this point, besides being my bestie and neighbor.
I take a stool in front of the kitchen bar, basking in the heavenly smell of her place.
She returns a minute later with two steaming mugs and scones piled high on a plate.
揌ow was the big interview??she asks. 揟ell me we have something to celebrate.?
揃onkers, honestly, but棓 Big pause. 揑 got the job.?
揧es!?She puts her mug down to throw both fists in the air and then hugs me. 揑 knew you抎 pull it off. When you said bonkers, you must mean the awesome kind.?
揥ell…？I clear my throat and take a comically long sip of coffee.
揢h-oh. Don抰 tell me it抯 a traveling job or something. Dakota, if you抮e leaving me, I抣l lose it.?
揘o, nothing like that,?I say with a sigh. I wish it was that simple because at least it抎 be a relatable, human problem. Not whatever this thing is with a charging bull who buys cinnamon rolls by the bucketful. 揙kay, so you remember the crazy who tried to buy my Regis roll for five hundred smackeroos a few days ago??
揧eah??She blinks at me.
揑 saw him at the coffee shop again this morning, and he remembered me. He decided to be an even bigger swinging dick. Before I could even flip him off, he stepped up and bought four dozen Regis rolls to make sure I didn抰 get a single one.?
She stares at me in disbelief.
揟alk about issues! But that means the cray cray happened before the interview then. That抯 good news, I bet??
揢m…？I hesitate. 揟hat wasn抰 the biggest drama.?
揇akota,?she presses, setting her cup down and rubbing her weary eyes. 揕ook at me. I spend at least twelve hours a day every day smelling like a human coffee bean and baking my butt off. My knees haven抰 taken me on a walk farther than a block for a week. When you have drama and you hold back梟o. Girl, you dish it right now.?
I抦 laughing and sympathetic as she takes an annoyed slurp of coffee.
揊ine. He抯 the frigging CEO, and he was on the interview panel.?
I抦 hit by a sudden warm mist on my arm. Courtesy of Eliza, laughing so hard she spews coffee everywhere.
揋et out! Sorry.?She looks down, grabs a rag, and starts wiping up her mess while she says, 揝o how did that go??
揂bout like you抎 expect. He kept making unfunny dad jokes about my last name and my interest in joining his lowly copywriter team. He even mocked my poetry scholarship. Sorry, but not all of us were born with a silver spoon in our mouths. Some of us had to work.?
揟his weirdo owns Haughty But Nice? The whole shebang??Eliza asks.
I nod.
揢nfortunately.?
揟hey own a lot of lines. Do you know what you抣l be writing for??
I don抰 want to say it, much less do it. But I kinda have to, so I should just make my peace with it and move on.
揇akota, hey…you look like you抮e sucking on a lemon and I know it抯 not my food. My stuff never sucks.?She laughs.
揟hey want me on their new luxury line. A wedding campaign. Lucky me.?
Her face falls. A moment passes in dead silence.
揙h. Oh, jeez. Can you…can you do that??Eliza asks softly.
I roll my shoulders in something resembling a shrug.
揑 have to if I want that payday. I抳e written copy for everything under the sun, including a pet cemetery棓