She follows, darting small glances at me as we walk. When we抮e finally outside and alone in the too-bright parking lights around the hospital, she looks at me and sighs.
揑s he…？？
揌e抣l be fine. Supposedly. The doctor just gave me an update. He caught a nasty case of pneumonia, but it抯 clearing up with the stuff they抮e giving him. I抦 sure he抣l pull through, even if he had me damn worried for a few days.?
Her green eyes are marbles, reflecting the same worry and relief I know too well.
揑抦 sorry, Lincoln. If I抎 known桰 would抳e been here with you right away. But after what happened at the park, I just thought棓 She stops.
I move my hand off her arm. I need the distance, and so does she.
The only thing more entanglement can give us is death by ten thousand cuts.
It抯 slightly humid tonight, the air thick with tension. That抯 not why it抯 hard to breathe.
How the hell do I do this?
揟he doctor says Wyatt should be a lot better off in a week, so you don抰 need to worry.?I take a deep breath, knowing what I have to do. 揇akota, you抣l be better, too. I meant to contact you sooner. If it wasn抰 for this emergency, I would have.?
揧ou had your reasons.?She rolls one sleek shoulder. 揟hough you could抳e at least texted…I would抳e understood. You had me scared, and you worried the rest of the office, too.?
A soft rain starts. I grab Dakota抯 arm, pulling us both under the awning before I release her like she抣l burn me.
Distance, dammit.
Separation.
We need it.
揟hat brings me to my point,?I say slowly, gathering my words. 揥hat happened last week can抰 ever happen again.?
I wait for her to nod, her eyes glittering in the quiet rain and hazy lights.
揑抳e made a hard decision. All I can ever give you is baggage, Dakota. I won抰 trouble you with that shit anymore.?
Her face screws up in shock. Instant hurt.
揥hat baggage? What are you talking about??She holds a fist to her chest.
揑抦 leaving you alone. You won抰 have to棓
揙h my God! You抮e…are you stupid??she sputters. 揕incoln, I抦 pissed because you stopped bothering me with anything. You verbally shot me in front of the entire staff and then you disappeared. You said we were nothing.?
It抯 like a fucking movie.
Right on cue, lightning rips the sky. That early summer rain turns to an all-out storm, beating the air.
Dakota stares out at the mess and looks back at me.
How do I make her understand?
揑抣l be the first to admit mistakes were made. Entirely mine. Not yours.?I jab a thumb at my chest for emphasis. 揥hat happened when that asshole showed up swinging a knife桰 had to step in. That part was right. The rest of it was where we went wrong. I crushed a man抯 face and just between you and me, the outcome would抳e been the same whether he rushed us or not. I can抰 be that person again. I panicked.?
揧ou panicked? You panicked??She shakes her head violently. 揗y psycho ex could抳e killed us if you hadn抰 punched him. Then you stabbed me anyway with that stupid denial in front of everyone. And you think you get to panic??
揑 only梖uck. It never should抳e escalated to that point, whether it was necessary or not. Maybe the little idiot wouldn抰 have charged if I hadn抰 pushed him.?I clamp my mouth shut. 揇on抰 you get it? It抯 hard to think straight when I抦 around you. You make me too insane, too reckless, too passionate. That抯 a side of myself I unleashed once, and it almost cost me everything.?
She looks at me, totally bewildered.
I haven抰 told her about the man I beat when I caught him cheating with my ex, but that抯 not the point.
I抦 not admitting what she抯 really done to me, horror of horrors.
She made my dumbass fall in love.
What else is there to say to that?
We should be done. More words can only make this worse.
揙h, Lincoln. You sad, strange man…？She steps toward me.
I take a halting step back, and I抎 rather break my own leg.
Goddammit, will she stop making this so hard?
If she gets any closer, I抦 boned. Because I抣l kiss her, and that抯 a one-way ticket to ruin.
Her bottom lip quivers with rejection, this faint, desperate hope fading in her gaze.
Damn, Dakota, please don抰 cry.
Don抰 waste your tears and your love on the rain, on me.
Don抰 make me lose my resolve.
揑抦 so sorry. I never meant to hurt you. You抮e the last person I ever wanted to hurt, sweetheart.?I pause, my tongue on fucking fire. 揑 can抰 undo what抯 happened, but I can prevent more damage.?
揑桰 still don抰 understand. What do you mean? What happened that抯 made you so afraid??
I set my jaw so hard I抦 about to crack a molar.
More explaining won抰 help.
She wears the same heartbroken expression she did on the street that day. At least she isn抰 crying yet.
揊or you, I抣l make this easy because it抯 my fuckup and it抯 unforgivable,?I say. 揑抦 stepping away from the company. A long leave of absence. Your job will be safe and you won抰 report to me anymore. I never should抳e gotten involved with an employee, but it won抰 come at your expense棓
揓ust an employee? That抯 all I am to you??
Her face is killing me.
She抯 not 搄ust?anything and she knows it. I need to get this over with.
揑抦 saving you from the fallout. Your life was trashed once by a big dumbass leaving you out in the cold. Not this time. I抣l go into total exile before I let that happen. Honestly, Wyatt deserves my time off, too. Whatever support I can lend to his recovery, but棓 I can抰 finish. My throat knots, cutting off my air supply.
I thought I was stronger.
Evidently, I can fight a war and run a multibillion-dollar brand, but I can抰 break it off with this little poet without turning my insides into thorns.
揃ut??she urges.
Do it, Lincoln. Take the shot.
揃ut桰抦 done with it. All of it, Dakota. I抳e made a big goddamned mess of things. I tore up your heart and mine along with it. That抯 not something I抣l keep doing while it抯 still in my power to stop it.?
For a single second that feels like an eternity, she抯 quiet.
揝o that抯 it then??she mutters.
I don抰 answer.
Maybe she was right when she called me a coward.
揧ou got your wedding campaign out of the deal.?Her face goes red. 揂nd your fun, and now you抮e just tossing me aside.?Her eyes glisten with fresh, molten tears.
揇akota棓
揓ust like before. You…you used me,?she whispers. Then she throws her head back and stares at the sky, cloudy and unsettled with distant thunder. 揑 should be used to it by now. I抦 such an idiot. When will I learn? I never fucking will, I swear.?
She turns and starts moving away.
Fuck, I can抰 let it end like this.
揥ait. I抦 mangling this. It抯 coming out wrong.?How do I make her understand?
I can抰 love.
I can抰。
Cupid, that rat bastard, doesn抰 hit people with cute arrows. He blows up their lives with lethal missiles.
He抯 not doing that to mine. He抯 not reducing her life to rubble.
揇akota, I hate this. Listen, I can handle fucking up myself, but I can抰 do that to you. I can抰 ruin your life while you抮e still young and beautiful and so smart. You still have a chance with a better man than any I抣l ever be.?
Tears stream down her face now, each breath racking her entire body.
揕incoln??Her voice is barely audible as she stops and turns.
揧es??
She flips me off, her eyes glowing like hellfire, and then she抯 gone, one more shadow in the storm.